True Love? Reality or Myth

[JillOBean]

I want to believe true love exists. I'm a naturally pessimistic person though, so despite my best efforts... I'm not convinced it happens just yet.

The thing is that since we're little girls we're told true love exists and that its going to happen for us. We're sold this idea of prince's and fairytales and happily-ever-after. But what happens when you grow up and you don't find that "true love" like you thought existed?

I just have a hard time believing that there's someone out there for everyone. If that were true, why do so many people end up alone?

I'm a writer and while I don't write romance, there is a thread of love in every story. True love is usually in there, or the idea of it anyway... just because I have difficulty believing true love exists doesn't mean I don't truly wish with all my heart that it does. But at the same time, being a 20-something woman living in the real world... I can't set myself up for heartbreak that it does exist... because if it doesn't happen for me, then what am I left with?

[magda]

Well,for me it´s a myth...I wish it existed...

[alphanubilus]

Ah... Twue Wove... Mauwage is the union of twue people in wuve... Twue wuve... Sorry, every time I hear that, I think of Princess Bride...

Is True Love a reality or myth. That is really hard to say. Reason being, you first have to define what exactly, "True Love" is, and even then, each person could have a definition. If we define True Love, as real love, then obviously we know that there is real love out there, and that there are people who REALLY fall in love.

Finding your true love, or even real love, is still a monumentous quest though, especially in the jaded world we live in. Hollywood, magezines, books, and such all try and tell us what it means to be in love, of which usually focuses solely on the sexual aspects of the attraction, and then work on the internal or emotional aspects later on. This of course, ultimately leads to a shallow relationship and or a baby out of wedlock. Even then, a real mutual form of love, can form, but usually it is much harder that way around.
There is also the consideration that many people really do find their True Love, but because of adversity, of which is normal in any relationship, they give up on it too soon, instead of working out their differences. It isn't romantic, to be sure, but the reality is a strong powerful relationship grows out of adversity. In many ways it is Darwinism at its fullest... Weak bonds of attraction buckle and fall, while those of whom weather the trials of life, grow strong unbreakable bonds.

Do I believe in real love... Absolutely... Do I believe it is possible for somebody to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right... yes again, but only to a point...

I will explain, with the story of my Grandparents, and how they met. Their story is probably one of the most romantic love stories I have ever heard. While I am obviously biased, I think it is still worth telling...

My Grandfather grew up on the wrong side of the track. He, a cherokee/black Dutch/German, of whom grew up in the backwoods of the Kiamishi Mountains in Oklahoma. His mother was a prostitute. His Cherokee father was an alchoholic. His parent's relationship was doomed before it even started. After his birth, his dad left, and wouldn't be seen again, until my Grandfather was married. Despite his background, he found Christ at a tender age of 4, and by the time he had turned 13, he surrendered to preach. His mother, obviously didn't like that much and he was disowned. Because of the nature of his family relations, he was far behind in education. He used cunning and charm to get through school, and as soon as he was old enough to get away, (age 17) he left for Bible College in Springfield MO. My Grandfather would later joke, that he really personified the ignorant "Injun", as he couldn't even read!

While at campus, he made good friends with a bunch of second year college stundents of whom helped him memorize scripture and passages from the studies as he couldn't have passed the classes other wise. While studying outside one day, an attractive young lady crossed his path, heading towards the girls dormatory. My Grandfather glanced up at her, and told his friend, that would be Larry Clayton, I'm going to marry that girl. Larry laughed it off, as that girl, (my Grandmother), was brilliant, and she was dating one of the most prestigious students at the college. Needless to say after 8 months of courting, my Grandmother agreed to marry him.

His proposal, is (for me) one of the most sweetest proposals in the history of proposals... He knelt... he took her hand... and said this... "I have a heavy cross to bear... Will you help me carry it?" And she did.

Their love would take them all over the United States, and eventually the world. They became missionaries to Pakistan and went through unbelievable trials and even wars, of which nearly cost the life of my aunt. They went to the Philippines where they started missions there was well. In total, together they built 303 churches together. They still travel the world today... and in fact they will be leaving for India, Nepal, Thailand, China, and the UK in Feb.

They've been married 53 years, come February 18th.

They are one in the same. They are two different people, but one person at the same time. You can't have one without the other.

They, themselves, personify what True Love is.

[bac]

Thank you for sharing that experience with us. I love hearing that people have been married for over 50 years. I love that they make their lives work together, rather than apart. And I love that they are unselfish in their relationship and that they share themselves with others by serving other people. What a great example your grandparents are.

[Angelvamp]

Yes, alphanubilus, thank you so much for sharing that lovely story! It made me a little teary eyed, gotta admit.

Does anyone else have any real life examples of "true love"? I am such a sucker for a romantic story. Duh, wouldn't love Twilight if I wasn't! LOL

[alphanubilus]

On a related note... I remember another really cute story about them. One time while they were dating they got into a huge fight. It was a simple misunderstanding and my Grandfather took something the wrong way. They argued in the park between the two dormitories. (At a Bible college, girls and boys were always had separate dormitories, as well as a very strict curfew. Disobeying meant expolsion). As it grew dark, my Grandfather broke it off and stormed to his room. He fumed for almost an hour, and it started to snow. When he looked outside his window, my Grandmother was still there, sitting where he left her.
Totally blown away by this, as it was mere 10 minutes before curfew was up, he raced back down to see what her problem was. He was ready to agrue again, but after seeing her, looking really cold, with snow in her hair, he couldn't think of anything to be mad about, other than her risking them both getting kicked out of BIble college. When he confronted her about this, she stated, that she refused to go to bed, until they made up and got things right.

My Grandfather is VERY stubborn, and he still is, but even he couldn't argue with that. Right then and there, they made a vow that if they had an arguement, they wouldn't go to bed before they got things right, and you know what, they still hold true to that vow. That is one of the reasons they are still married. No matter how dark the situation, they always talk to each other.

Another really sweet trial they went through is getting married. You see one of the most craziest "rules" at the college was that if you got married BEFORE you graduated, you would lose all your credits and thus would have to start all over. My Grandmother didn't care, she was really bright and she could redo everything within a few months, but my Grandfather had to literally fight for everything. In between classes, my Grandmother was teaching him how to read, so the very concept of having to retake all of those classes was very scary to him, especially as he was just about to graduate! However, love, as it is, is an unstoppable force, and graduate or no graduate, my Grandfather was determined to marry my Grandmother and he did so.

When they handed out the list of Graduates, my Grandfather was sorely disappointed, although he didn't let my Grandmother know, and much to his surprise... his name had been written as a graduatee. He was SHOCKED. He had broken the "cardinal rule". When he questioned the dean of the college, the dean nearly tossed him out of his office, but quickly recoiled, as he was joking, and informed my Grandfather, that because my Grandfather was such a hard worker, and faught so hard against all the trials and tribulations that he had been dealt, and succeeded, that they couldn't think of a man more worthy to graduate, than him, married and all.

I tell ya what, you couldn't make this stuff up.

True love, in many ways, isn't something that just happens. It is something you have to work at and it grows and blossoms with time. Looking at my Grandfather and Grandmother's lives, there was plenty of times they could have called it quits. There were plenty of arguements that couldn't have ended it, but they were both determined to make things work, and because of it, their love became stronger.

[Knives]

Knives, once again, I feel compelled to respond to your post. You do not give any real world examples (such as your own, which MRK was only too willing to provide) to support your rejection of MRK's theory of constance. And your "congratulation" of her being "the exeception to the rule" rings wholly false. In fact, it brings to mind a certain fox and a bundle of grapes....
While I agree that people fall out of love with each other, I'm not sure you understand what "partnership" means, in the context of a committed relationship.

I'm back!

My congratulation was not sarcastic; every rule has exceptions which test it (incidentally, the saying, "there's always an exception that proves the rule" comes from an earlier Latin saying, which more accurately translates to "put to the proof", meaning to test for validity). I know that there are cases where people felt attraction the moment they saw each other and built a long, happy relationship with one another. I also know that there are less fortunate cases where attraction met barriers of incompatibility, personality differences, income, or any number of other things which prevented real love from forming.

As far as "real-life examples", I can offer you the works I've already cited, as well as my various grandparents (I have an embarassment of them).

I'll post more later - I have to get back to work!

[DudeRocksTheTwilight]

alphanubilus~ That's amazing!

Personally, it sounds pessimistic to deny True Love, but up until I heard that story I didn't believe it.
Thank you for changing my opinion.

[dazzledBrit]

Define True Love!

I know a lot of people, especially younger people, seem to think that True Love means love at first sight, an ideal partner who you never argue with and with whom you have a perfect, easy relationship.

I don't believe that exists. Actually I think that belief is the basis of a lot of relationship breakdowns!

What I do believe in is loving someone, wanting to spend your whole life with them and being prepared to do anything for them. But relationships take a lot of work in reality. Unless you're a SM vampire with unlimited time, energy & money, no need to have a job, etc etc then life will be full of stresses and that affects relationships, even very good ones. Being in love with one person also doesn't mean you stop being attracted to or interested in other people, so that can put pressure on a relationship too.

It's how you handle it all that matters.

[Aneley]

I have always believed that true love existes, and was always sort of expecting it to happen, and it's strange because I don't have any nice good examples of true love around. I didn't have grandparent with great love stories, and my parent divorced when I was a kid... but for some reason I never stop thinking I would eventually find the right person. And I did, three years ago. And although it wasn't really love at first sight, it was a relationship that moved fast, and love happened pretty quickly.

I suppose if you ask me why I believe in true love, I could give the simple answer of 'because I've found it'. But why is it that I'm so sure that it's true love? Well, because I can not imagine my life without him, or if I try what comes to mind is quite a horrible life. Because I don't only love him, but I love who I am with him, because even though we are different people we have so much in common, and because we are both so ready to listen to the other, to share things with eachother. From the beggining it felt right, but it was never easy, we lived four hours away, and most long distant relationships don't work, and ours did only because we worked for it. It was only a few months ago, when we were already living together, that while talking to a friend who had a boyfriend that lived in a different city (but only a two hours away) and with whom she was thinking of breking up with, that I realised just how much work my boyfriend and I, have pu on to make our relationship work. And the best part was, at the time it didn't feel like it was so hard... sure it was a sacrifice to travel every other weekend, but I just never considered not doing it. The idea never crossed my mind. And I think that is something that shows you, you are in the presence of true love, you have to make sacrifaces, you have to work for it, but you do so happily and without consideration, because it feels like you don't really have an option!

True Love is finding that one person that you feel you can share everything with, that you feel content with them no matter what you are doing, or where you are, simply because you are together, because there is comfort in the others presence. Is about finding the one person who makes you better, who brings out the good in you, while you bring out the good in them.

And I do think it exist for everyone, that we all can find the right person, but it's just a lot more complicated that most people think, and I believe you have to be reasy as a person to find true love. Because, even though my boyfriend is perfect for me and viceversa, I pretty sure things would not have worked between us, have we met two years or more earlier. So it's about the right timing also.