While I respect the fact that the ladies deserve their own place to call their own, the same as us guys do, I do NOT like the feeling of being placed under a microscope that I got while I was there. - Ard
^ And so my story begins... thanks to Ard. First, my story contains bad language! You been warned. Secondly, I'm not an English major so bite me! Third, this is totally meant to be FUNNY. So if you aren't laughing then keep it to yourself. Seriously.... I have sh*ts for brains. And if this story gets me in trouble (by the mods) it was totally Ard's idea! "I Hate BIOLOGY... and Ard. Gr!"
So here I sit again... I hate this chair. It makes my butt hurt by the end of the hour. I mean seriously? Like the school can't afford butt pillows, gr. I mean, look around the room! I hate those ugly animal statues. I bet they were expensive! I bet that one stupid big scary owl could put butt pillows in every chair in this room! I swear, if that thing starts wooing at me I'm going to freak!
"Class..." Ohhhh, Mr. O'Shea, he's such a hottie! Those blue eyes... oh wait? What did he say? Something about slides? "use your microscope and determine which category each specimen belongs."
Ugh... I was never good with a microscope At least I don't have a partner, sooo annoying. Breathing up all in my bubble space! Seriously, get a breath mint people.
"Here you go Ms. Jaime."
"Thanks Mr. O'Shea..." OMG! Am I blushing? STOP! GO AWAY! How embarrassing.... did he notice? Ugh, he so noticed. And it seems my two friends Nikki and Kristina, who sit next at the lab table next to me, notice too...
I quietly whispered to them, "shut up and stop with the kissy noises. He'll hear you! Damn you two!" If they think for one moment they won't be getting a back head slap later they are so wrong! I think Nikki's gaining weight? She could just be bloated?
"Alright class, you may begin."
Ugh. I opened the box to find 6 different slides. I hate biology. Let's see... first. Onin
I looked at the slide, I wrote down my educated guess. Don't laugh, I know what you're thinking. I'm educated, damn you! STOP LAUGHING!
Second slide. Dylan. Well that one was easy!
Third slide. Ard. Huh?
So when I put the slide under the microscope I saw nothing. I'm not the best operator of a microscope, it took me a few tries before I found the right dial to increase the zoom... almost can make out...
Seriously? You have got to be kidding me!
"Um," so embarrassing! "Mr. O'Shea," wow he's so hot! "My Ard slide broke?"
"Oh, well, let me get you another Jaime, try to be more careful though." Wow, look at that smile. He makes me melt. I could only nod in response and I'm sure my face was redder them a slapped white monkey's a*s.
Ok, let me try this again. Once he handed me the slide, I was almost back to my microscope when my natural everyday behavior decided to act up.
So I dropped it! I DROPPED IT! DAMNIT! I was not going to ask for another again. I mean, I guess I could just put ANNOYING next to his name on my paper. Ugh! ARD!
"What?" Kristina asked.
"Keep it down! Look, can I see your Ard slide? I seem to have lost mine?" Twice.
"Sure," she said, then she handed me the slide... ever so careful.
So I treated this Ard slide as if it were gold. Or should I say diamonds? I like diamonds, gold is just gold. Diamonds.... sparkle! Wait! Back to the annoying slide.
Let's see, the microscope was already at it's fullest zoom level. I just slid it in, I still don't see why the first slide snapped. Weird.
Ugh, I still couldn't make anything out! Oh... let me turn this dial. THERE! FINALLY!!
Wtf? Wth? WHAT IS THAT? On the Ard slide was a circle of something, is it a ring worm? I focused in on the slide more, using the same dial. It's... tiny people? Wait, what is wrong with these people, why is their hair... OMG!
OMFG! Is that... it is! It's Cindy Lou Who! Wth is she doing on the Ard slide? Look, she's waving at me? Should I wave back?
No, don't wave back you moron! I glanced up and luckily everyone was still working on their slides. Mr. O'Shea was reading some boring looking book. No one was looking at me... good. I think I'm going crazy!
Again I glanced back in the microscope. Um... so there is a group of tiny Who's. I'm totally having "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" flashbacks. Wait... in the middle of the Whoville village circle creepy thingy there is something...no it's someone. Who?
O - M - G.
ARD? Seriously ARD? He's waving at me? That's sweet... wait. WAIT! HE'S NOT WAVING AT ME! HE'S FLICKING ME OFF!
So what I did next was probably not very lady like, or kind. I'm sure my chances with Mr. O'Shea are doomed. I mean, how was I suppose to know Ard Who couldn't fly and it was just a coincident the window was open too. FLY MOTHER ****ER!
*sigh* I do feel better.
So... where was I? Oh yes! Let me write down my thought on the Ard slide.Onin - Sweet
Dylan - Sweet
Ard - ASSMUNCH!
Ok, next slide, Gimp. What an odd name? THE END.