Jazz Girl wrote:HofJ~ The reason I put those comments in my post is that you seem to go back and forth on a number of things when it suits your purposes. But, when others do it, you hiss and moan and raise high heaven about it because they are calling you out on your behavior. You hissed and moaned because you thought a previous post of mine presented my opinion as fact. So, I prefaced my next post by saying that the post was entirely my opinion, just to clarify lest I offend someone. And, your response is to call it dramatics and act all wounded. Hence the comment about wanting people to clarify things and then complaining when they do. And, yes, you regularly tell people that they are not entitled to their opinion. You've been called out on it many times by many different people, but you pretty much choose to ignore it. That's your choice.
As for my psychology degree, I'm sorry if I am able to bring to bear understanding and background that you don't have. I worked hard to gain it, and it does color my point of view and give me a certain background to work from when looking at things like the emotional healthiness of relationships. It is what I do. And, I notice on the Jacob thread that you aren't opposed to citing your own psychological sources when it suits your own purpose. The point to all of this; I am not automatically being condescending or putting myself out there as an authority just because, as a 31 year old adult, I have quite naturally experienced a few more things than you, or earned some additional understanding. You have some amazing insights into these characters, and some very interesting opinions. I really enjoy reading most of your posts. But, you really have to get past this idea that everyone disagrees with you because of your age, and that everyone who disagrees with you is wrong and just doesn't understand the text the way you do. We are all here to share our opinions on these stories that we love so much.
And, remember, if you put something out on the board rather than in a pm, it's out there for everyone to comment on regardless of the subject. Amethyst was mearly trying to provide comment on what you posted for everyone to read. If you don't want Amethyst's input, don't put it on the thread.
We now return to our regularly scheduled debate about the character of Bella Swan Cullen~holdingoutforjacob wrote:^^ and that, in and of itself, worries me.
The fact that she put so much of herself into that relationship SO FAST is unhealthy. She is seventeen!! This is her first EVER relationship! She's known the guy for a few months!
That investing your entire self into such a new and unsteady relationship, and then barely being able to function for weeks rather than getting your Vulgar language is ugly together and trying to rebuild your life is being touted as strength is exactly what leads girls to relationships that end up failing. Because these principles DON'T WORK in real life. Okay, maybe in like, one in a million cases. but otherwise, none.
I don't necessarily agree here, HofJ. Dismissing the health of the relationship just because it develops quickly is unfair, in my opinion. First and foremost, I personally believe that it is possible, even in our cynical society and screwed up reality, that it is possible to meet the person you are meant to be with and just know. Not love at first sight. But, it is possible to meet someone and just have an instant connection. You are immediatly able to bypass all the bullcrap and posturing and games that typically accompany the first few weeks or months of a new relationship. You are able to move into that time of getting to know and learning to love. And, that's what I see happening in Bella & Edward's case.
Yes, Bella is 17. So? Because she's only 17, she can't know her own heart and mind? She can't understand what she wants? She hasn't earned the right to the respect of her choices in life because she hasn't reached some arbitrarily decided upon age of consent or understanding? I would think you, of all people, who have posted openly on these boards about how you hate people being condescended to or have their opinions dismissed because of their age, might be a little more understanding, at least where this factor is concerned.
Yes, it is her first relationship. Again, so? Not everyone is born to play the field. When you find the person you are meant to be with, it doesn't matter if it is your first, fifty-first or one hundred and first relationship. You grab that person and you hold on.
In the end, as has been stated on this and many other threads, the relationship between Bella & Edward is part of a fantasy story. There are too many mystical elements involved to be able to apply the principles of their relationship to our reality. Do I think there are some qualities or things that people can look to as examples of things to look for or to strive for? In my opinion, yes. But, that being said, so what if a young woman does try and the relationship fails. Relationships work and fail everyday. That's how we learn what we want and don't want, what's good for us and what's not. That's a part of the process. I myself did meet my husband at 17 and was ready to marry him at 18. We didn't marry until I was 21 because I wanted to complete university. We've been together 13 years and married almost 10. And, yes, I met him and I knew, almost instantly, that I wanted to be with him. So, I can identify in a lot of ways with Bella. When he was deployed, my life ended for a time. Even though I knew he was coming home, a part of me had to accept that he might not. And, a part of me curled up and died. I actually laugh with my husband about how spot on Bella's reaction is in New Moon. I used to do exactly the same thing she does. I walked around constantly with my arms wrapped around me trying to hold myself together. And, every day I got out of bed and went through the motions of being alive because I needed to do that for the people in my life. The effort that took...the sheer will to pretend to be alive....there aren't words to describe that. Bella loves Edward. Edward is Bella's life, just as she is Edward's. It is what it is, whether we choose to understand or not.
Bingo...and well stated.