Waiting For My Soul Mate --Single Adult thread

[skylarblue]

Where to find someone over 30? Now that's the question.

1. The bar/club scene stinks
2. Online dating sites (been there done that, will never do it again)
3. Church (don't really go, so that's out)
4. What's left

The online dating thing kind of scares me but I've know a couple of people who have found their mates online and have been happily married for many years. I just don't know if I could actually meet someone in the flesh from who they are online.

Sometimes I think that it may be easier to be single. I don't have to worry about having kids (already got one) but it would be nice to find that one person who you can grow old with. When I see older (like 60+) couples holding hands and just enjoying each others company, I get jealous and start wondering what's wrong with me and why can't I find that kind of love and happiness with someone. Then I think again maybe it's not me, I just want what I want and I'm not ready to settle for anything less.

[Elizabeth]

skylarblue: Good for you, settling means you think you deserve less and you don't. I cannot bring myself to think of online dating either. It works for some, but it's not meant for me. I like to get the overall impression of someone and unfortunately, you do not get that from an online profile. If all I have to by is a picture and a couple words, I may miss out on meeting a good guy.

Do they have any singles organizations in your area? Someone told me about meetup.com. Groups in your area may be on varying interests- like movies etc., and occassionally group members will organize get-togethers. My area has a meetup group for singles, but they don't have many events planned.

I too have heard about meeting people at church, but I remind them that I don't attend 'that kind of church.' My church doesn't organize many events for its members. They try to focus on keeping the youth involved in the church community or on families, but they forget about those without children or single parishioners.

[ellalou73]

I've never really had a long term relationship, I had one falling head over heals in love relationship much later in life than most of my friends in high school did, but back then I was just trying to survive life without my mom in it, so aside from that one head over heals and then sorrow which I finally got over yay, I don't mind being single much. I think I like it because it's just me, and I've been on my own for so long now that if I'm around other people to long I get stir crazy and need to run.

If I ever do find that someone he will have to accept that I need my alone time, but at this rate I'm really not looking so that part doesn't count.

So the good things for me and being single, um being able to go to California when I want to in order to visit my friend there and have lots of fun. I think next year we are going to try and hit Comic con, yes I'm in my mid thirties but I love things like that and going to Dizzyland and Universal and hanging out with her.

I also live by my lonesome, no kids but my family isn't too far away which is good. The other reason I am remaining single for now is so that I can get all the health problems taken care of then my finances then maybe I would consider a relationship, or where ever god leads me. That's the big part for me anyway I messed up the first time and a few others along the way so I don't really trust my judgment..so what ever God decides I go..Yes I will be quite now.

[skylarblue]

Right now I'm in the position of being a single mom and not having enough time in the day or week for that matter to do anything. I tend to put everyone else before myself and I've gotten plenty of flack for that but that's just my nature.

I think that I'm gun shy of relationships (even though I would like to be in one) because I've dated some really good guy's (who I actually thought I could spend the rest of my life with) but it always seemed to be at the 3 month mark that the relationship changed. These guys either tended to become really posessive or just moved away.

For example, I dated this one guy who couldn't understand how close I was with my family. We both worked during the week so really only got to be together on the weekend. At the time, my family had a ritual of going to this local flee market and spend the day there (not really to buy anything but just be together) so me and X would make plans to spend Sunday's together (he lived about 1 1/2 hours from me) but when he would come to my house/or me to his, all he wanted to do was watch football (don't get me wrong, I love football) but when you don't see someone the entire week, wouldn't you want to spend time together other than watching t.v.? He ended up becoming really jealous of me spending time with my son and my family. I could have gotten past the family part but my son, come on.

Also, I feel it's hard for me too because I do have a son (even though I do explain that his father is not in the picture - he passed away when my son was 3) but I think kids always make things harder in a relationship. My son is actually wants me to find someone, which I love about him but it's not just me the guys is dating it's a package deal and I think that's hard to deal with.

Rambling, I know. Sorry.

[ellalou73]

Rambling isn't that bad and I think you brought up something that I've always worried about that few ever know. My mom passed away when I was 12, and a part of me worries about having a relationship and a family for that matter and going as early as she did leaving kids behind with husband. I know that's a silly worry and I'm getting over it now moving past it thank God, but I've held onto that worry for far to long.

I could see where Dating would be difficult especially with being close to your family, and trying to work out the details. I'm not as close to mine, well some member more than others but It's too much to think about which is why single is best for now.

[skylarblue]

I really think I'm meant to be single. Like I said in a previous post I usually attrack either the elderly, the toddlers or the crazies.

For example, my boss. He actually sent me a Tiffany's magazine that only featured engagement/wedding rings and told me I could have any of them that I wanted. That was over 5 years ago. I've told him that there will be nothing more between us than friendship but he is in the 50+, crazy range. Even though he's accepted the fact that us as a couple is never going to happen, he tries to push that I would be so better off with him than alone and when he hears that someone is interested in me he freaks out. For example 2 years ago, he bought a couple of tickets for a Motley Crue concert and gave them to me, another girl in the office, her friend & himself. Well after the concert was over, his son's friend was there and had asked for my phone number which I gave because he was really cute. Boy did he flip, I thought he was going to kill the poor guy. Scary, right? Like I said, I attract the crazies.

So, I think the single life is best for right now. I think I need to take care of me, my son, financials, etc. before I can bring someone else in.

[Elizabeth]

I attract crazies too, the real young ones- we're talking jailbait and the creepy elderly men 70+. You just need to find a man who will love your son too, easier said then done, I know. Once you're content with your current situation, he'll find you. It sounds cheesy, but that's how my mom found my stepfather. I answered the door when he came to pick her up. I knew he was the one for her. I just knew. I had prayed for her to find a good man. I wish that would happen for me, that feeling like someone was meant for me. I'm hopeful, I'll find my prince charming someday.

[skylarblue]

Elizabeth, I do believe there is someone out there for us all. It's just when they come into our lives that's the issue. I thought I was bad with the 50's but 70+, that takes the cake.

People say, you will find love when you least expect it. So, God willing we will both find our prince charmings and live happily ever after.

Another thing I realized is that I don't want to be like my mom. I know she loved my dad and I think she realized it more after he was gone but I got the feeling to that she was settling when they first got married. I don't want to end up like that, to be with someone, just to say I have a boyfriend, husband, etc. and realize too late that this person was the best thing in my life after they are gone when it's too late.

[oleander]

I also seem to attract the elderly and the crazy.

I used to be a bartender and coat-check girl at a local bar and there was this one toothless older guy who used to come in and corner me in the coat-check and try groping me and drool something about how he had enough money that he could buy the bar for me if i wanted it.

That got me to wondering, if he has enough money to buy a bar, why doesn't he buy any teeth?

When i was fifteen I was out at the local tavern (yeah, yeah, i was bad...) when my friend's 80 year old GRANDFATHER tried to pick me up! Ew, ew, ew, just thinking about it even now makes me want to hurl.

When I worked at the adult video store I had a lot of strange men proposition me.

My friends would get mad when I would say that no one wanted me, because people did want me, were intrigued by me, but they were all the wrong people.

I've been single for a long time and much like everyone else, my friends are all getting married and having babies and it's getting harder and harder to find any single friends to hang out with unless i want to spend my night choking to death on cologne at the local gay bar. I also have to wonder if because i've been single for so long and been burned so bad in the past if i can even trust anyone enough to start a relationship.

I think that's why I write...so i can find the perfect man, or at least my idea of the perfect man.

I have to agree that someone in their 30s looking for someone is limited on where to meet people unless they're looking for drive-thru baking. I have social anxiety too, which means that if i go out, i usually only hang out with my friends and i'm crazy shy.

sigh. i want to believe there's someone out there for me. sadly i think he might be a figment of my imagination.

Edit: i'm starting to feel like my debbie downer post has killed this thread already I'm actually a pretty chipper person.

[CantBreathe]

So here's a dilemma I find myself constantly pondering, maybe you guys will have some insight. So I don't have a very good outlook on myself (OK I have pretty non-existent self esteem ) but at the same time I feel that I've "settled" in most of my relationships. Some guys I've been with have been really nice, but all have been losers in a way... completely lazy, unmotivated, going nowhere in life. I know this probably describes a lot of guys in their twenties, but sometimes I feel like I deserve someone a little more respectful and responsible, not a guy who works a deadend job and spends his paychecks on beer and video games instead of the bills. So I tell myself I need to set higher standards, but at what point are your standard too high? I don't know if this makes sense, but maybe someone can relate to what I'm saying?
I'm recently single after a long-term relationship and though I'm looking forward to some freedom and am not ready to 100% settle down, I've always been a girl that enjoys being in a relationship. I am not a big fan of the dating or single scene.
Where to meet guys? I met my last boyfriend at some crappy party where we randomly hit it off and spent the next 4 years together, but I feel that generally parties and/or the bar scene are not prime locations to meet your soulmate. Unfortunately, I don't get out too much (being busy and broke) and I feel that when I do get out, it's usually a bar or party....