Waiting For My Soul Mate --Single Adult thread

[Brokensoul]

I think i will chime in on this as well. truth be told i have only had 1 girlfriend my whole life (the only reason I'm still not with her is because she moved away far away with her dad because i told her to. Cause where she was living at the time with her mom she was abused not physically but mentally. At the time i didn't have enough money saved up and she couldn't get a job to get our own place. It was obvious that it had taken its toll on her so her dad was moving away and i told her to move with him. It was truly hard to let her go we still talk a little bit from time to time she got married and had a kid and is living a good life so it worked out ) Its hard for me to approach women i mean i can talk to them and stuff get to know them but i dunno when the right time is to express if i have any feelings towards them. If i say it to early they will think I'm a creep or crazy and if i say it to late they think i have little to no in tress in them lol. So i usually tend not to say anything also because i dunno if they like me back its hard to read them. Are they hanging out with me because of they like me, like me as a friend or just don't want to be mean? I dunno maybe i just over thinking everything. I would like to believe I'm A nice funny guy, but for now ill just keep waiting.

[Persephonie]

Life is about taking little but numeous leaps of faith.
There's no avoiding it.
People need to open themselves up and trust in themselves that no matter what could possibly happen, they will be alright.

Opening up takes courage, but that's the only way you'll feel. Sure you might set yourself up to get hurt, but that's how you learn. Its how people grow and it's the only way guys and girls will get to know how the other ticks.

[CantBreathe]

Life is about taking little but numeous leaps of faith.
There's no avoiding it.
People need to open themselves up and trust in themselves that no matter what could possibly happen, they will be alright.

Opening up takes courage, but that's the only way you'll feel. Sure you might set yourself up to get hurt, but that's how you learn. Its how people grow and it's the only way guys and girls will get to know how the other ticks.

Great point! For the longest time, I was very protective of my heart and wouldn't open up to guys. I wasn't cold, just careful not to get hurt, and pretty much avoided serious emotional relationships. With my last relationship, I was totally out of character. From the moment we met, I was very forward and assertive and really opened up like I never had before. I'm not even sure that it was a conscious decision, but maybe I was following my heart or something. Now that it's over I am sad about it and there were times during the ups and downs of the relationship where I was even more hurt. I'm still glad it happened though and I feel like in the future I will continue to be more open and have more faith in my decisions.

[oleander]

Persephonie, t'es ben sage! That's great advice...if only I could put it to work.

I recently started talking to a guy online and things were going great until i sent him a photo...just a head shot, nothing provocative, and then he stopped talking to me. That hurt a bit, even though I know it's probably for the best that it didn't work out. Any kind of rejection, whether face-to-face or monitor to monitor, is bound to smart a bit.

I've been going through a lot of changes in my life recently and i find i'm feeling a little bolder, so maybe it's just a matter of time before i can get the courage to ask someone out.

[Persephonie]

My dear, if I told you how many times guys stopped talking to me after seeing my picture, you would not believe me, so I know first hand what you are feeling.... but Hey, you know what... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and Mr. X can't see it, then Mr. Y will..... and if not him then the next one. Trick is never to let yourself get down and depressed over it.

We are all worth getting to know, because we are all beautiful on the inside.....

[skylarblue]

Okay, here I go for my 3rd try to post, I keep getting kicked off.

I love the attitude of if they don't like me for who I am, then they can go pound pavement but I'm like that with every part of my life except men and dating.

When it comes to men and dating, I begin to feel like I'm in elementary school and people are picking teams and I'm like I hope I'm not picked last because they have no choice but to choose me. I think it goes back to my insecurities dealing with men in a dating setting.

I get along so well with guys as friends but in a romantic situation, I tend to feel like that kid in elementary school.

[oleander]

skylarblue, you hit the nail on the head. i have LOTS of guy friends...i always have...i am a bit of a tomboy and always related better to guys because i just don't have the patience to deal with people taking four hours to get ready to go to the grocery store. there's nothing wrong with looking good, i'm just not into make-up.

i can relate to guys as friends, but beyond that i become the giggling elementary school girl who tries too hard to impress or something. like, tee hee, like, you know, tee hee...

I think i will chime in on this as well. truth be told i have only had 1 girlfriend my whole life (the only reason I'm still not with her is because she moved away far away with her dad because i told her to. Cause where she was living at the time with her mom she was abused not physically but mentally. At the time i didn't have enough money saved up and she couldn't get a job to get our own place. It was obvious that it had taken its toll on her so her dad was moving away and i told her to move with him. It was truly hard to let her go we still talk a little bit from time to time she got married and had a kid and is living a good life so it worked out ) Its hard for me to approach women i mean i can talk to them and stuff get to know them but i dunno when the right time is to express if i have any feelings towards them. If i say it to early they will think I'm a creep or crazy and if i say it to late they think i have little to no in tress in them lol. So i usually tend not to say anything also because i dunno if they like me back its hard to read them. Are they hanging out with me because of they like me, like me as a friend or just don't want to be mean? I dunno maybe i just over thinking everything. I would like to believe I'm A nice funny guy, but for now ill just keep waiting.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time, but it sure helps to know that guys feel the same insecurities that we do. If we could all get past the crap facades and just be honest with each other i think the whole relationship drama would disappear. we're all guilty of it though.

it's nice to have single people to talk to about this. most of my friends are paired off...they forget what it's like.

[skylarblue]

It just amazes me how I can be so comfortable with a guy as a friend and then when it comes to a guy as a possible romantic partner, everything gets screwed up.

Guy friends love you no matter what, you can burp around them, fart, etc. just be yourself but why do we feel the need to repress ourselves somewhat when we are around a possible partner. That's just my opinion, not everyone does that but I know I do.

I think that the first impression makes the whole difference and that's why I tend to act somewhat different initially when out on a first date or first meeting but I think we know whether or not someone could actually be someone we would want to be with.

I'm all about the butterflies in the stomach. If I have that feeling with someone then I would like to get to know them more than friends.

[oleander]

ideally, i think (for me at least), falling for a friend would be easier...they already know your idiosyncrasies, your flatulence tendencies, your quirks, your downside...mind you, the downfall is far from good...i've had friends who've dated our guys friends and when they break up it totally destroys the dynamic of our entire group. everyone starts feeling like they have to start taking sides...

but just the same, it would be easier to and more comfortable to settle down with a mate if they already know you.

[Feathers]

Oh, oh! Ren found a home! As much as I love the gutter, I always feel a little sad when conversation turns to something about significant others because I can't contribute. I'm nearly 21, never dated, never kissed, do I count for this thread? Am I allowed to stick around?

I'm ridiculously shy around guys to the level where I feel uncomfortable. If I'm hanging out, and one sits beside me, I feel really uncomfortable and have to find an excuse to get up and walk away. I can't deal with being close. But, despite that, I'm remarkably happy by myself. I don't need a special someone. I'm more bothered by the fact I'm not normal.

Maybe my heart is just waiting for a vampire.

Any tips?

<3 Ren