the light emanating from the stars.
1. a small live piece of coal, wood, etc., as in a dying fire.
2. embers, the smoldering remains of a fire.
Barely a single month has gone by since I put the board name Starlightembers into action, yet I have already received a rather wide range of reactions to it - each one intriguing me in its own way; every response or comment about it bringing a smile to my face, sparking a sense of pride inside my heart to wear that name on my posts. For, though I may not be the only person in the history of the world to have used this name (one LiveJournal user registered under it, as I recently discovered), I can almost be positive that I am the only soul to be born that uses it, interprets it, in the same manner I do. Nope, not even that other LiveJournal user. (Who, may I note, has been inactive since July 2005)
The idea for the name came to me one warm August night, the 10th to be exact, as I laid on my bed with my face pointed towards the sky - tears long dried on my cheeks, and my head ringing with the sound of one thousand thoughts. My friend, along with her torn up life, engulfing itself into my whole. The confessions that had been laid out by her that night over telephone wires, ones that revealed another dirty tale of addiction's blades, brought out more emotions than words could ever even begin to describe. Confusion seemed to be a troubled storm raging all around, forcing a struggle upon me to be the only calm within. I felt as if I was a small fish swimming up stream, put up against the rushing currents of uncountable rivers, barely managing to keep my head above water: every other fish going through just fine, leaving me far in their dust. Far behind with only dried tears to claim in my name.
Somehow, somewhere in the mix of all the brutal internal attacks, I had managed to slip numbly off to sleep. And for me, sleep is merely another word for dreaming. I don't remember much from those night visions, in fact I barely remember a second of it; all I knew, all I know, is that when I woke up I could only manage to think one phrase: Starlightembers. At first I was utterly dumbstruck at those - err, that - word(s). I could not grasp where they had come from, understand their meaning. In the mist of this, my neck craned to look at my blinking alarm clock. 11:11 it glowed; 11:11, the minute of wishes. As if a lightning bolt had struck my heart, a sudden sense of hope filled me all over. It was surprisingly strong, unexpected, and the most wonderful sensation I could ever remember feeling; I dreaded its soon-to-come end.
My hands shook with violence; my eyes wet with oceans of pain and joy; the beat of my heart thumping louder than I had ever heard it before. In mere seconds I went from blank knowledge to complete understanding; I knew what that phrase, my name, meant now. I knew it without question or second thoughts. Quiet baby steps brought me slowly over to my bedroom's single window, the hands my head controlled tearing it open just enough of a crack to breath Nighttime's chilling air. "Starlight", I whispered, "the light of hope in the darkness." A tense grip caught my throat as I fought to pull the next words out, to force the truth to sound. "Embers", I almost choked, "the pain, the tears, the hurt: the soul that starts to die when those things are put onto it." My knees buckled in collapse, and my body fell to the ground in tears.
"Starlightembers", I spoke through a mere whisper, "the metaphor for life, proving in a simple phrase that it will hurt, that you will burn to embers inside at times, but the hope is always stronger - the light is always first, clearer in our vision. But only if we believe it will it be the truth, only if we keep holding on through everything that comes. Never giving up, surviving ever swipe of life's knife."
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