Cool! That sounds good! Pity I don't write fanfiction.
Virginia, I'm pretty good with the grammar/punctuation side of things. If I do need help in that, I ask my mother - the ultimate grammar nazi! It's more on ideas for the story structure and genre/related issues. I have peeked at the Beta post before, but it doesn't look like there's much going on there at the moment.
I have had another email from the lady in question, and it got a bit more specific. Apparently, she had no idea I was trying to write something that is like Twilight in its style (either she has absolutely no idea what Twilight is like, or I am a REALLY bad writer!). With that in mind, she has pointed out where my story doesn't work. I have asked her for suggestions on fixing it from a genre perspective, while keeping my ending intact.
By the way, can I just ask everyone's opinion on another thing. In my story, my lovers are kept apart because a law on their planet refuses to allow inter-racial relationships (they are two different races). There is no problem from a physical POV - their species are compatible in that area. It is just that one of these races sees themselves as elite, and does not allow their gene pool to be mixed. This lady does not consider this enough of an objection to count as a "forbidden" relationship. I disagree; there are many countries on our planet where things like this are taken very seriously, even to the point of death if they contradict it. What does everyone else think?