Baby Boomer Lexiconers-- The 40 + thread

[SweetKay]

Evening everyone!!

Katwomankath, thank you for your kind welcome! I have heard some good things about The Host. I will have to make sure that I get it read this summer. So sorry to hear that your family is split between California and Colorado. Where in Colorado is your husband working? I live in Colorado and it's a GREAT place to live. I sure hope that it will not be long before you can be together in one place.

Bewitched - Your story sounds very interesting. Keep writing and good luck! Teenagers can be so challenging. I consider myself very fortunate and blessed with my son. He is 22 and of course we have had our ups and downs, but overall he is wonderful. You mentioned laundry, my son has done his own since he was 13 and if he didn't have clean clothes I figured it was not my problem! He learned real quick to make sure that it was done (maybe not folded and put away, but it was clean). The rule in my house was once he graduated high school was that you need to be working and paying rent if you wanted to stay in my house. If he decided to continue with school, then we will discuss rent. Be tough and hang in there!

Hope to hear from you all soon!

SweetKay

[Katwomankath]

Here it is another late night and I am on the Lex. Seems like the time I usually get a chance to come on here. Unfortunatly it is the time when my brain is functioning at about its worst.

Bewitched- Dang girl we do have a ton in common. After I told my son I was going to emancipate him my husband, who let me remind you lives in a different state, was very upset with me and told me I couldn't do that to my son and that I was setting him up for failure...and that I needed to give him yet another chance. I had already taken everything that meant anything away from the kid and had run out of punishments. We had a huge argument over it and it did strain our relationship even more than it already is with us living in two separate states. I felt like he should back me. I agree as parents we should be a team when it comes to disciplining our children. My hubby felt I was too harsh, told my son as much and texted him to tell him that I was hormonal and not to worry about it that he wouldn't let me throw him out. I felt very betrayed. I know he did this because I had taken my son's phone away and I got the message not my son. I don't know if I would have actually gone through with my threat at that time but it certainly gave the kid food for thought. I am a strong person and if my kid continues to screw up he will not be living with me. I will not enable him to be a loser.

I don't know what the right thing is at this point and every kid is different. I think if I were you I would start charging your son rent. Force him to be responsible and go to work. If he doesn't pay he is out. I would take his keys away from him and take access away from the car if you think he will bail and not pay for it. He may have some tough days ahead of him but he will learn that he will have to work to pay his way one way or the other. He may find a place to crash for free for a while but no one will put up with it for long and he will be forced to take care of himself. Let him be disrespectful to someone else and see how far he gets with that. He will either make it on his own or learn to be respectful and and learn to pay his own way at your house. It is hard to do with out support from your husband I know. Maybe a discussion with the spouse about how is the kid going to make it in the world on the course he is on. The answer is he will not make it on that course. Time for the hubby to teach the kid to be a man. Ask if he has any better ideas that include a plan of action and one that requires him to respect you. I understand it is tough to set a kid out on his own when he hasn't been taught how to be on his own so maybe it is time to set up a plan to take steps to teach him. Never too late. It will be a process. Maybe sit down with your husband and your son and explain that it is time for the three of you to come up with a plan to help him become independent. Get your sons feedback. If he is disrespectful tell him fine he can get out and try it all by himself without help. Help teach him how to become a man and do the right thing. Tell him you are willing to help but he needs to cooperate. It is also time for your husband to step up to the plate and be a man also and teach this kid.

Sorry I'm sleepy and rambling. I hope this helps and maybe I am totally wrong in my thinking. I am frustrated and I love my kid to death but me letting him get away with being disrespectful and lazy will not help him become a responsible independent person.

I agree with openhome until they have to pay for it themselves they will not appreciate it. Funny how real life opens their eyes. When they see that they are slaving just to get by when they could be doing so much better if they made better choices in their lives. I say let them experience going without for a while.

Diane 771- I agree being strict is the way to go. Especially for a single parent. (which I feel like at the moment.) They may not like us at the time but will love us for it later.

[diane771]

I just have the one son, and it was rough but I am not sure if I would have the same approach to a girl or not. I am very independent so to me I rather made on my own than get married so I didn't have to work 2 jobs but that was me. Just stay on top of things, I was always one or two steps ahead of my son so he really couldn't get away with much, but some parents just let their kids go, and do not teach them the basics and when they get older its so much harder for them to make it. Tommy my son, worked while in high school and when he worked hw would put his tips out on the table and help me out because he knew how hard I worked. He even when he went in the Marines I recieved an allotment check every month bo still help out with the bills. And I am not saying this is a better way to raise a child, but I see kids crying at stores wantintg something and Tommy never did that and he now doesn't let his sons do that. Its not a matter of money as it is respect. If you raise you child to respect you and other people and its not a gimme world out there it goes a long way in building a young adult who makes good choices.

[Bewitched]

Well, it's finally done. He made it. It's a little bittersweet though. I realized I'm older now. I hate it when i get like that. Then on Saturday night i got the stomach flu. When it rains, it pours.

Thanks for all the advice. He did go out yesterday and put in some apps. I told him he needs to do this everyday and i told my husband that he needs to give Jared his car. If he really wants a car, he'll learn to drive a stick.


How did everyone elses weekend go? Read any great books lately?

Edited: i probably should have added that my son has Aspbergers. Not that that is an excuse but autistic kids can get locked in. He also has problems with his temper. He is so different from his brother and sister. You pretty much have to pick your battles. We've raised them all the same way but I know from other people that they are each individuals and sometimes, it doesn't matter what you do. Believe me, we are strict. I'm pretty old school compared to other parents I know. it's just scarier when they get bigger than you.

[Openhome]

I have an autistic son as well, and it does make a huge difference because they cannot match a cause with its effect. He just doesn't see the link between his behavior or choices and what happened because of them. It is already a serious issue with trying to teach him independence because when he fails, he can't understand why. I totally feel for you!!

[Katwomankath]

Congratulations on the graduate Bewitched. I know what you mean about feeling older, seeing you children reach milestones tends to do that to a person.

I think a redo on my thinking is in order in regards to the advice on dealing with your son. I have two children on my street that are autistic, both are my daughters age and one is male and the other female. One is more severe than the other but both have to be encouraged and taught much differently than my daughter. There are days I thank the lord that my children have been spared the fates of the other two children and then there are other days when I see the joy, innocence, and love that the other two with autism seem to radiate and it makes me stop and think. I wonder which child is actually the happier. I really don't know how to advise or have any idea how I would approach your son and the issues you are facing. The only thing I do know is that you and your husband need to be on the same side.

Diane771 It sounds like you did a great job with your son all by your self. Sounds like you have a very nice, respectful, generous son. Kudos to you.

Open home it must be hard to watch the difficulties you son goes through. I know it is hard to watch when mine fail but at least they can be enlightened and understand the whys. It is still hard to watch though.

As far as any good books the last ones I read was City of Bones, City of Ash, and City of Glass. I loved them! Right now I am not reading anything because I found my brand new prescription reading glasses in the middle of the street run over by a car, probably mine! I'm going to take my frames in tomorrow to see if they can be saved. I hope so because I don't want to spend a lot on them again.

I have to tell you a funny story.
My daughter and I were eating dinner last night at a restaurant and the waiter showed up while my daughter was in the restroom. He was very handsome and very muscular with a very deep sexy voice. Kinda made my heart flutter just a bit. He was in his early 20's and I enjoyed his visit very much. He said he would return to get our order after my daughter returned from the restroom. My daughter sat down and he returned as promised and asked us for our order. My daughter herd his voice, looked up, went deer in the headlights, totally blushed, and went speechless. She gained her composure and ordered. The waiter left and she just looked at me with this shy little blushed face. I said to her "OMG you are totally crushing on the waiter aren't you?" She just said "what" and giggled. It is the first time I have ever seen her show any interest what so ever in any boy. She just turned 13. The funny part was that he had the same effect on both of us... Me the old married lady and her the first time crusher teen. Any way I told her I thought he was very nice to look at and listen to as well and we both laughed about it the rest of the night. His name was Terry by the way.

[Openhome]

Bewitched: I forgot to tell you congratulations. That is a huge milestone for you, especially since your son has special needs. I am very proud of you for not letting him make excuses for himself because of his autism. I teach, and I see a lot of parents who make excuses rather than helping their children make a life. You have given him a chance at a normal, fulfilling life, and it is the hardest but best thing you could ever give him.
I know how you feel about getting older. My daughter goes for her driver's test tomorrow (Wisconsin watch out!) and I feel so old.

Katwomankath, LOVE the story! That sounds like my daughters and I when we go out somewhere, except that if they even think that I am enjoying the looks of a guy, they go nuts with giggles.

So long as we are telling funny stories, here is one from a few days ago...
My 16 year old daughter and I were folding laundry when she suddenly looked up and exclaimed: "Guys sizes are just weird. Why don't they make them simple like girl's clothes, you know, 2, 3, 4,and FAT."
Not only did the laundry hamper make a satisfying thud at it hit her, I posted the comment on Facebook, and she has gotten tons of rather hormonally driven e-mails from all my friends. Revenge is sweet.

We have a great relationship, and she is actually having fun with the whole thing now, so she didn't mind that I posted this.

[SweetKay]

Morning Everyone!!

Bewitched - Congrats on getting thru graduation. Isn't it bittersweet? Nothing like those milestones in our life to really make us think.

I spent the weekend reading the fan fiction "Wide Awake" between my regular weekend stuff. Needless to say I stayed up way to late reading everynight. "Cookies and Unicorns" - my my!!! Reading on the computer is tough on these "mature" eyes!! I am anxiously awaiting the posting of the last chapter! Now I really need to get on to some "regular" books. I need to step away from Bella and Edward for a while and regain some normalcy. HA!!

Katwomankath - I loved the waiter story. Don't ya love it when your and your child can relate to something like that. Good thing the waiters name was not Edward!! heheheh

Take care everyone!!

SweetKay

[Bewitched]

thanks everyone. sorry for being such a debby downer and a grouchy little witch. You all are the best. I'm moving on.

Kat: Arent daughters the best. I love having girls night out. I have so been there.

Openhome: Thanks. My hardest part has been that unless we tell someone, no one can tell he has AS and they think he's just being lazy or weird. I actually had one teacher tell some of the students in his class that were picking on him to just ignore him because he was weird! So yeah, I've tried to teach him so he could understand why people just don't always get him. When he got in high school, he didn't want people to know, so he found his own way. WE did talk with a computer store about possible job sahdowing and they said yes. yea!

Sweet Kay: I'm waiting too for the last chapter. I read the whole thing in one day about two weeks ago. Was up till 5am and then had to be at work 3 hours later. It was very draining but so good. Just like the Twilight Saga the first time I read it. Love the unicorns and all those cookies! She said she got that idea from watching Waitress.

I'm reading Sense and Sensibility right now. I'm too cheap to buy the hardbounds of all my series that just came out and they library has too long of a hold on them. I've been touching on some fanfic too. Never thought I'd get into that. I'd also like to suggest Katie MacAlistar's Dark Ones series if your looking for a good hearted laugh romancey kind of story. They are hysterical. But be forewarned they are slightly smutty. Like we care.

[Katwomankath]

I only have a minute but I wanted to say that Bewitched don't worry about being a downer or a witch because your not. We all have those times in our lives that we need to vent about. Believe me in the last year and a half it seems like it has been my whole life. Sometimes just by talking about the situations that are eating at us it helps us work through them. Maybe someone else has had a similar situation and can shed some light or make us feel not so alone though it. I am so happy to have all of you to share my grief and my joy with. Hopefully there will be more joy in the days to come. I treasure each and every one of my new friends I have met on the Boomer thread and if there is anything I can do to help ease a situation please let me know.

I have a ton of fan fics to read from people I know I am so far behind it is scary. They are really good from what I am hearing from others and when I figure out where they all are posted I will post and let you know about them. I'll have to check out the Dark ones series.I still haven't got my reading glasses fixed so It will have to wait until then. In fact getting glasses fixed is my first line of my to do list today.

I hope everyone has a great day.