Twilight Lexicon Discussion Forums

While reading Una's post on the Hash thread, I had an idea for a thread - "If only we could send names to the Volturri...call it the Meal Suggestion box!" It should be fun & snarky...never mean. If anyone is caught being mean that person is immediately handed over to Jane.

Examples:

Dear Aro,

I have a student who constantly interrupts me with non-sensible mutterings. You should ask him to dinner.

Love, GNE

Have fun everybody!

*LAUGHS*
This is an awesome thread!
And I have first post.

Dear Felix,

There's is this particularly bothersome little runt at my school who exist merely to annoy anyone and everyone he meets. I'm sure if you were to have five seconds with him, he'd be a long gone snack. Care to take him out to lunch?

Fangsk, Dandy

Yay! My thread made it!! No one told me. My example one took me about 15 minutes to come up with. I'm tapped out.

dandyvampgirl: I'm glad you like it.

Well, if I am the muse for this thread, I should certainly post! (Wow...I feel so honored)

To the Illustrious Volturi,

In order to pay homage to thy swift justice and careful watch over us poor humans, please accept my heartiest thanks and gift. Please take the included scrap of paper, it is directions to a most scrumptious offering. She happens to be one of my pupils who is so clueless, she must be removed from the gene pool. However, her disposition is so sweet, it must run in her veins.

Fondly,
Una the VampVixen

P.S. Yes, this note is written in a sample of the treat awaiting you...

Dear Mr. Aro,

there is this lady who happens to be the mother of my wonderful futur husband. She tries constantly to convince him to cancel the wedding because she has strong objections on the bride.
She's very old-fashioned in both manners and thoughts and would really appreciate a visit from such a distinguished and corteous old-fashioned man as you are. I'm sure you can solve the problem effectively and permanently. You don't even have to fly overseas because she lives justr a few hundred miles from you.
Regards

Mrs-to-be Dimber

Dear Heidi,

I happen to be in the acquaintance of a rather annoying, selfish young man who causes me nothing but stress. He is currently seeking out beautiful women for the purpose of finding a mate. Oh, and did I mention, that this young man actually believes himself to be a vampire? I assure you he is not and would benefit from a lesson in true vampirism. You should have no problem luring him in.

Regards,
Destani

this is a hysterical thread

Dearest Jane,

I would like to bring to your attention a human male, in his 30's, who believes he should control the world. He feels that nothing should be planned, said, or done without his approval. He takes credit for other people's good ideas. He also enjoys humiliating women. Furthermore, his wife is also just as self-centered and self-important.

You need to teach them a very important lesson.

With Gracious Gratitude,
Goodnight Elizabeth