The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

[Pel]

OK, this is another one of my crazy ideas, see my banner for others but I found this on a Jane Austen site.

http://pemberley.com/bin/ladyc/ladyc.cgi

Essentially, it's a joke advice column where people wrote in as characters from books, and JA characters wrote back just for a laugh. So, I thought we could do it for Twilight. You could write in with your problem or a character's and TPB would write back as a Twilight character and then post their own. It wouldn't necessarily be good advice, just funny.

Good idea or has Miranda finally gone off the edge for real?

[savannah.]

sounds funny to me.

[AnnaFrancesca]

That sounds like fun! Are we posting in this thread?
Well, I just wanna do it even if everyone's forgotten about this

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Hey, my name's Jacob Black, and I'm a werewolf. There's this girl I love, but she loves a vampire. What's the best way to get rid of him so that I can have Bella - uh, the girl for myself?

- Jake
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I just wanted to do that, and I don't know why. Does it have to ben things that are actually happening in the books, or not?

[Ekat]

Dearest Jacob,
I really think that you should let them be. Because, by getting rid of him, you would basiclly be hurting her extremely. And anyways, who ever heard of a werewolf and a vampire going out together?

-Aro

[Rosanesmee]

I really love dressing people up and doing their make-up, but my best friend just won't let me use her as my barbie doll! How can I make her understand that she needs me?

- Alice

[Adam]

Just buy her a room-sized closet filled with lacey undergarments and satin dresses. She won't be embarrassed at all, I promise. - Edward

[edward x lover]

Just buy her a room-sized closet filled with lacey undergarments and satin dresses. She won't be embarrassed at all, I promise. - Edward

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am literally LMFAO right now.
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My name is Jasper and I have trouble controlling my feelings its almost like I'm channeling other people...oh wait. What can I do?

[Imagine]

Just close your eyes and send waves of calm to all who are distressing you.

-Carlisle

[Doodle]

I'm pretty. Like very pretty, but Edward doesn't think so and I don't understand. How do I get him to think I'm pretty, because I am.

- Rosalie

[Alcyone]

I'm pretty. Like very pretty, but Edward doesn't think so and I don't understand. How do I get him to think I'm pretty, because I am.

- Rosalie

1. Put on white T-shirt.
2. Find bucket.
3. Fill with freezing cold water.
4. Literally. Freezing cold water.
5. Douse yourself with water.

-Tyler