Things that would never be said in the Twilight Saga II

[Nena]

Time for a new thread. Keep it PG-13.

Carry on with the humorous will-never-happens.

[ringswraith]

Bella walks into the first floor and hears Edward on the piano. She zips to his side, listening, and frowns as she recognizes the music. "Edward? Why are you playing the theme to The Twilight Zone?"

"There is a fifth dimension," Edward begins, "beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."

Emmett pipes up from the sofa. "Submitted for your perusal: Isabella Marie Swan, only daughter of Charlie and Renee, spirited away by her mother to Arizona when she could not stand the little town of Forks anymore. Years later Renee finds a new love, and Isabella- Bella- decides to move back to Forks and live with her father, Charlie. She's young, intelligent, and best of all, unattached." Someone snickers. "She didn't come looking for love, but finds herself strangely attracted to Edward Cullen, member of a family so strange that everyone at school gives them a wide berth.

"But are they really just strange, or is there more than meets the eye? Will Bella figure out the sinister truth before it's too late?"

Edward punctuated his brother's words with a very macabre-sounding dun dun dunn on the piano.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan- This is Your Life."

[purple_panda]

^lol
edward: rose, can you please hand me the scissors? i need to curl the ribbon for nessie's christmas present
rosalie: here *hands edward a pair of scissors*
emmett: aaah! its edward scissorhands!

[JenTheWriter]

lol@ringswraith

*The Cullens watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince*

Cullens: *mouths hang open in shock*
Bella: Well, even though it wasn't as close to the book as I would have liked -- I still liked it.
Jacob: Yeah, books-to-movies generally never stay with the concept.
Renesmee: *nods* That's too true. I just wish Harry Potter would stay closer to the books.
Edward: Tell me about it. They butchered my part in Goblet of Fire!

[IloveAliceCullen<3]

Nessie: I want you to do it, Jakie.
Jacob: To do what?
Nessie: Make me happy by acting like an idiot.
Jacob: No, I'm not doing it for you. I'm depressed today and I'm not going to make you happy.
Nessie: Grr, then I will bring you to a shelter. I'm dumping you, DOG.
Nessie to Edward: Daddy, take Jake outside and bring him to a doghotel.
Nessie to Jake: Hope someone will adopt you, but I don't think so. Mongrel.

[LionandLamb123]

Alice: Jasper...I'm breaking up with you.
Jasper:
Alice: I can't keep denying my love for Robert Pattinson.

Bella walks into the first floor and hears Edward on the piano. She zips to his side, listening, and frowns as she recognizes the music. "Edward? Why are you playing the theme to The Twilight Zone?"

"There is a fifth dimension," Edward begins, "beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."

Emmett pipes up from the sofa. "Submitted for your perusal: Isabella Marie Swan, only daughter of Charlie and Renee, spirited away by her mother to Arizona when she could not stand the little town of Forks anymore. Years later Renee finds a new love, and Isabella- Bella- decides to move back to Forks and live with her father, Charlie. She's young, intelligent, and best of all, unattached." Someone snickers. "She didn't come looking for love, but finds herself strangely attracted to Edward Cullen, member of a family so strange that everyone at school gives them a wide berth.

"But are they really just strange, or is there more than meets the eye? Will Bella figure out the sinister truth before it's too late?"

Edward punctuated his brother's words with a very macabre-sounding dun dun dunn on the piano.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan- This is Your Life."

LOL

[Openhome]

Emmett bangs on a door in the Cullen house, jumping up and down with his legs tight together.

Emmett: Rosalie! Get out of the bathroom! I have to use it!

[DudeRocksTheTwilight]

Hilarious everyone!
This is me:
Lol.
I'm lurking, I will come up with one eventually!

[19nomad90]

(During the birth in Breaking Dawn)

Edward pressed his face to the bump, using his teeth to help free the baby. Finally it managed to escape but Edward was suddenly still.
"Erm... Bella... what on Earth is going on here?"
Bella looked up to see Edward holding a russet-coloured werewolf puppy, looking livid.
"Hmm... who saw that coming? I'm sorry Edward I swear it was only once!" From somewhere in the house, Jacob snickered. He always knew he'd win in the end.

[willowtree]

haha very funny everyone... I thought of some this morning but they got lost in the clump that is my head. oops.

~h. f. e. l.