Hey everyone. I haven't been online in quite some time. I'm very sad at the moment, and I'm going to explain why, so here we go, this is going to be long, so if you have patience to read this, thank you.
So everyone here should know that I like my emo friend a lot, and that I really like her. Let's call her "E" for the purposes of this update. So before I had told you guys that I just wanted to be friends with E, and that I was just going to ignore my feelings for her. Well that didn't really work, because my feelings just got more powerful for her, and made me like her even more. So things got more complicated. To add to that, it was obvious to everyone who was around me and her, about how much I like her. My one friend brought his girlfriend over one time to stage crew, and she just randomly was like to me "So how long have you been in love with E?" I just blushed and said nothing.
Here is where things get worse. As you all know, E has a boyfriend. Well that complicates things, but one day E had to leave early, so I just chatted with one of her friends. Her friend was like "So about you and E?" right after E left. So we talked about things, and she told me that she hates E's boyfriend and that she wants her to breakup with him and date me. So we talked and E's friend talked about how she thinks that E likes me. And so that was nice for me to hear, and I was really happy. She was like just wait until E breaks up with her boyfriend and then she will date you. I shouldn't listen to people.
Today I got really sad and while I was texting E I was told her I was frustrated. She kept asking me why, and I was like do you have any idea what me and your friend have been talking about? And so she was like yea, and she thought I just had a "little crush" on her. Well I really like her, so it's not like that. Well she made it quite clear that she doesn't like me and that she sees me only as a friend. I should have listened to her, because one time she did say that her friend likes to make things up. Regardless, it's not like this wouldn't have happened sooner or later.
So E doesn't like me, she just sees me as a "really good friend" and I'm heart broken and very sad. I thought that I wouldn't like anyone again after Eva, and guess what I do end up liking someone, liking them alot again, and I just get rejected and heart broken again. I spent around two and a half hours crying off and on today. I was really sad. So E says that she feels really bad for me, and that she's really sorry this all happened. She said she values me as a friend (and I of course value her as a friend), so we are going to try and forget this ever happened and try our best to be like we were and to just be really good friends with her. She said in her eyes "nothing has changed". So we are going to try and not be awkward with each other and are going to try our best to be friends. I think that we will be able to do it, but it's going to be more painful for me I think. I'm just going to have to try and not think about it.
So now, in my feelings I feel just horrible. I feel worthless, stupid, ugly, and a whole bunch of other things. I must be one of the most unappealing guys in the world, or at least that's how things seem. E was perfect for me, and I'm so sad that things had to turn up like this. I think that I'm just going to try and forget about dating for good. There's really no point. But the problem is I find someone when I'm not even worrying about dating, that's what happened with E, that was all random, and it turned about poorly. So I need to just try and watch my back and stay away from girls I guess. I feel like I deserve this though, so at least I'm being punished properly. Thanks guys for reading all that. I just want to hear some nice words from everyone.