Just Vent

[dazzle_me-xx]

I have no idea, none in the slightest, what to do. I hate spilling my guts to random people, but I hate burdening, trusting & talking to people I know even more. I would keep everything in, as Ive been trying for so long, its just too hard. I just need to say everything & anything thats on my mind & have someone give me solid advice, with logic behind it, Im not sure if I even need logic anymore, just an answer that is undeniably correct. Im not sure if Im ever going to get it because Im back to, there is no one to talk to, no one I can trust (that absolutely sucks when you get to the point where you cant trust anyone around you). Even if there was, I hate to rely on others. Im probably going to have to turn to one thing that always helps, for awhile anyway. How Ive missed my friend. (that sounded sinister in my mind) Its late, no one would notice, nor would they care - Im used to it, as more words are screamed out at me with a hateful passion. - The same as anything else I hear. My iPod is the only thing that can drown out the words that leave deep cuts on paper hearts.
I wish that I had an answer, the answer. I wish someone would tell me the one sentence in the whole, entire world, that would fix everything, that would make me feel better,that would drive me away from what Im feeling. I wish there was some hope, or a guarantee that this would change. More than anything, I wish that I knew tonight, I wish it was over, tonight. I dont care how this is fixed, just fix it. - I'll do my part if you do yours.
Im gone for the night, maybe longer if I was to be so lucky. I know I wont be, nothing works out in my favor. Ever.

I'm, sorry, I tried to read that, but I couldn't make any sense of it.
Uh, what's wrong?

[Bella_Cullen_13]

There are alot of them.

This morning is hard. I want to rant, but it feels weird. I cant rely on anyone, I dont want to & Im going to do all I can not to, consequences aside. I laid motionless for 6 straight hours this morning, eyes closed, shaking uncontrolably & crying inconsistently. My heart beating so loud I couldnt hear my iPod.
Yeah, I wouldve gone to sleep, but Ive got too much on my mind & Im scared to sleep & there are just some things I cant physically stand. It sucks. I hate this. So much. Damn my eyes hurt sooo bad (like pressure is being put on them) & I cant breathe consistently without cringing. I need help but Im never going to admit it. Ive got about a million ways I could help it, but none to anyone's liking. I know. I need to get over all this. I cant. Not now. I... Im not sure how, but I need to. Im at a loss for words, but not for feelings.

Im using the vent thread too much. So much for keeping things inside.

Edit
& Just to make things worse, my iTunes sucks. I listened to All Time Low on shuffle/repeat for, now, 8 hours & It didnt count it. That means absolutely nothing, but Im going to go cry about it now, just because absolutely nothing is working out for me. *sigh*

[Immy93]

Grumpy sales assistents!
It's Christmas forgodssakes!!
Not that I'm in a fantastic mood though!
xxx

[Bella_Cullen_13]

Im terrified.
Plain & simple.
I found out my constant headaches & pressure on the back of my eyes can be because of my skull fusing together prematurely.(thats not a good thing.)
Im not completely sure how you fix that sorta thing, but Ive got an idea.
Now if I could figure out why it hurts to breathe (I know why.)

My house is about to be empty. Im glad. Im going to most likely sit in my room & listen to my iPod some more - I think too much. It scares me, & Ive got an overactive imagination to go along with it - Ive got too many problems.

I need to make a phone call or find a paper shredder. Secrets are the way to go.

[Dazzled_by_Cullens]

So just went to an orthopadic surgeon yesterday. I found out I tore my labrum in my shoulder. Now I have to have surgery to repair it. I will be in this weird sling thing for about 6-8 weeks and it will take over 4 months to heal. Plus, it is my right hand and I am right handed. So yeah that will SUCK. I mean how will I shower, wash my hair, all of that crap. Plus, I am scared to go under! This is what playin repetitive sports does to me.
Thank you swimming, tennis and softball.....
Oh well, guess I will wrap some presents now while I still have the use of my right hand

[eliselovesedwardx]

Bella_Cullen_13: You seem like you're in need of talking to someone. I think maybe you'd feel a bit better if you did talk to someone. Maybe someone on here could listen to you and help you through...? Even if they just help a bit? Or even if they just listen?
And I think you should find a paper shredder! I don't know what it's for but if it help s you..Even if you can't find one, just sit there with scissors and chop whatever it is into millions of little pieces. Cutting paper with scissors is very very therapeutic! Trust me!

[Carrisa]

I wish things weren't so hard in life; that people didn't get upset over so many things that didn't matter. I mean, I made one of my friends promise she won't hurt or kill herself!! All because she wants to be back with her ex and if he says 'no' she "can't go on." I was so close to crying. Why would she do that?! I love her! My other friend loves her! Can't she see we'd be horribly hurt if she did something so serious to herself?! And what about the other people who love her? And even though she promised, as bad as it feels to say, I don't trust her. Suicide and cutting isn't something you can rid of with the wave of a wand. The thoughts are still there, the pain is still there, and the need to do either can make a person crack at any moment. I know I'm going to call my other friend tomorrow and tell her what happened - she has a right to now since she's know the other girl longer than I have - but I don't know who in authority to tell. I know what to do thanks to health and guest speakers, but I'm not acquainted with anyone who is older and around my friend for most of her day. I'll have to figure that out with my other friend.

It's so funny, but in a very sad way: I never thought, never in my life, that I'd have to use any of the information that those speakers on suicide talked about. I never thought I'd need those steps in helping someone and yet, here I am, trying to guide my friend out of that path. Life is just so unpredictable.....

[Bella_Cullen_13]

^Im sorry about your friend, thats got to be hard.

Bella_Cullen_13: You seem like you're in need of talking to someone. I think maybe you'd feel a bit better if you did talk to someone. Maybe someone on here could listen to you and help you through...? Even if they just help a bit? Or even if they just listen?
And I think you should find a paper shredder! I don't know what it's for but if it help s you..Even if you can't find one, just sit there with scissors and chop whatever it is into millions of little pieces. Cutting paper with scissors is very very therapeutic! Trust me!

It probably would, but Im way too afraid to tell this story to anyone new & Im not going to bug my friends & make them listen to my whining. I need to be more independent because most of the time, there is no one there for me.
The paper shredder makes too much noise & I dont think cutting paper with scissors is a good idea... its messy.
So untill I can trust my one friend with this (She'd be completely perfect & understanding. but I dont think she'd ever be this understanding) - Im on my own. Im not going to push my problems on anyone else. I will feel incredibly horrible if I do. (Can You Keep A Secret? Just came on )

[Carrisa]

^ It is, but somehow, I think it's all going to be okay. She seems to have problems with depression a lot and that's why I want to alert someone older about her problems. But she also manages to hold on quite well, which makes me believe that this can all be put to a stop before it can get any worse. I areassured her that I'm there for her and if she ever feels tempted to hurt herself she can always tell me and I'll find her help. I want to be there for her no matter what.

[Bella_Cullen_13]

I hope everything works out okay. I would give you my advice, but Id feel very hypocritical about that (my friend thinks Im insane for that)