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Jen and Bri~ LOVED that! I was laughing like a hyena from that and Bri's post!

*Edward sitting in the cottage reading Interview with a Vampire*
Edward: And people say I'm a sad excuse of a vampire! Have people ever even read this book!?
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*Edward and Bella on their honeymoon*
Bella: *takes deep breath* Edward, I'm pregnant.
Edward:

...Oh wait. That really happened.
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Renee: Bella, Bella honey. You need to get up.
Bella: *tosses and turns in bed, still somewhat asleep* Edward....Edward. No don't leave me. You said we'd be-
Renee: Bella. *shakes Bella gently* Bella dear. Wake up.
Bella: Err...huh? What? Where am I? Why am I not in Forks with Charlie?
Renee: Oh. *laughs gently* honey, you leave today for Forks. You're in your room at home...in Phoenix. Who's Edward?
Bella: You... ...you mean it was a dream?
Renee: Yes, dear. You were sleeping.
Bella: Noooooo!!!!
-the next day-
Jessica: Have you heard about the Cullens?
Bella: No. Who are they?
Jessica: *explains who the Cullens are and points over to their table*
Bella: *looks over to their table* Oh.My.God. They're real...then that means...*whispers to self* I'm going to end up marrying a vampire and having his demon spawn.
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Bella: Edward, I'm leaving you.
Edward: wh-what...why!?
Bella: I'm leaving you to be with Robert Pattinson.
Edward: WHAT!?
Bella: Well, he looks just like you except he's human, has better hair, and he has a British accent.
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And....my brain died.

Edward: Rose, marry me!
Rose: But Edward-
*Gestures to Bella, who is close to Edward in bed*
Edward: *punches Bella in the mouth and pushes her off the mattress* Puh-leaze.
Rose: Sorry Edward.
Bella: *Gets up, and tries to lie next to Edward*
Edward: *Kicks Bella in the head* Get me a soda!
Bella: *Runs off*
Edward: *Nails Rose, she flies across the room. Runs off with Jacob.*

Once again...it's probably not too funny.

^^ LMAO I LOVE Angel references!

Human Bella: I'm going to the gym to work out!

I was listening to my audiobook while working out and I thought, "Man, why doesn't Bella ever have to work out? She eats pizza, mushroom ravioli, cereal, pop tarts, and granola bars, she apparently has a good bod cause all the guys want her AND she gets the perfect guy! Man, I should have been born a fictional character.

Elle

DudeRocksTheTwilight wrote:Edward: Rose, marry me!
Rose: But Edward-
*Gestures to Bella, who is close to Edward in bed*
Edward: *punches Bella in the mouth and pushes her off the mattress* Puh-leaze.
Rose: Sorry Edward.
Bella: *Gets up, and tries to lie next to Edward*
Edward: *Kicks Bella in the head* Get me a soda!
Bella: *Runs off*
Edward: *Nails Rose, she flies across the room. Runs off with Jacob.*

Once again...it's probably not too funny.

I was laughing so hard at that

*Edward struts around*
Edward: 1234 baby you scream if you wants some more, say AHHHH push it push it. watch me work it. I'm worth it. PERFECT, perfect

that wasn't funny...stupid song....
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Jasper: I want Edward, He's delicious
Emmett: NOO he's MINE!!
* pull on edward's arms*
Edward: NOOO I"M JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL!!!
Carlisle: BOYS, BOYS!! what is wrong with you??? fighting over Edward like that! * gestures to Jasper* you can have him on mondays, tuesdays, and Fridays *gestures to emmett* you can have him on wednesdays, thursdays and Saturday's
All three: what about Sunday?
Carlisle: Mike can have him
Edward: OOOhh i LOVE blondies!!
Bella: what about me?
*edward looks, punches her on the mouth*
Edward: GET ME SOME SMOKES!!!!!
Bella runs off
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-at forks high school-
*mike passes Edward, smiles a pervy smile and waggles eyevrows suggestively*
Edward: *cringe* I HATE mind reading ability awesomeness
Bella: * looks at mike* *grins broadly* Think about it Edward. Your hotness breaks the gender barrier!
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Edward: I LIKE MEN!!!
Rosalie: I SLAPPED ANGELINA JOLIE!
Carlisle: I PUT JASPER UP FOR ADOPTION!!
Bella: I MAKE OUT WITH A KEN DOLL!!
Emmett: I....want....BOOBIES!!!
Jasper: CUPCAKE!!!
Esme: I MADE OUT WITH ARO!!!
everyone: *scoots away*

DoNotFeartheDark wrote:Carlisle: I PUT JASPER UP FOR ADOPTION!!

I actually laughed out loud. Now I'm getting funny looks.

Lacuna Scion wrote:

DoNotFeartheDark wrote:Carlisle: I PUT JASPER UP FOR ADOPTION!!

I actually laughed out loud. Now I'm getting funny looks.

Edward: Bella love, will you...
Bella: THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU IN THIS BOOK ARE A BUNCH OF SEXIST PIGS!!! I AM NOT YOUR MAID! I AM NOT YOUR HOUSEKEEPER! I AM NOT YOUR COOK! AND I AM NOT YOUR PROPERTY!! SO WHAT IF I LIKE TO SEE JACOB ON THE WEEKENDS? HMMM? IF YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST SET UP ALL OF THESE OPPRESSIVE RULES TO UNDERMINE MY FEMININITY AND TREAT ME AS YOUR SUBORDINATE YOU ARE MISTAKEN! HELLO EDWARD!!!! WE ARE NO LONGER IN THE VICTORIAN ERA! JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE MONEY, SUPERPOWERS, AND A STONE COLD **CK DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME! THAT'S IT! I WILL NO LONGER CATER TO ANYONE!! STOP FORCING ME TO MARRY YOU!!! AND STOP GIVING ME THOSE EERY GLANCES AT MY WOMB!! OH! AND CHARLIE! COOK YOUR OWN DINNER!!!!
Everyone:
Edward: ...pass the remote... *sigh* is it the third week of the month already?