Funny Stories

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Re: Funny Stories

Postby JenTheWriter » Wed Feb 04, 2009 5:40 am

Sterling Snow wrote:Yay, first post!

Okay, it's time for The Pot Story:

So the youth group leader at my church, Jody, went to Mexico a few years ago for a mission trip (she was a teen at the time). A few days into it the adults decided they would cross the border back into the US to go shopping and get lunch. They told the kids whatever you do, don't mess around at the border, just get through. So while they were in this little town in Texas Jody found this adorable little flower pot. She bought it and put it in a plastic sack. When they were crossing the border, one of the officials asked her what was in the sack. She replied, "Oh, it's just a little pot." :lol: The guy looked at her strangely, and she was like, "Oh, crap, he probably thinks I'm a drug smuggler now." He let her through, though.

I'll be back soon, I have a million funny stories


LMAO, that's great. You said pot and I went directly to the border patrol went. I don't know how I could have backpeddled myself out of that situation.

~*~

As for my own story ... I don't know how funny it is, but it was definitely a moment that I chuckle about now. I began hanging out with this guy I had always been "work friends" with. Well, fast forward 3 years and our life circumstances found us with me broken up from my ex and his spouse passing away. (Sad I know, complicated too) So, we were hanging out at his house watching a movie and I can't remember how it all got started. I think it was we were watching this scene in a movie where this guy shows up on this woman's doorstep and one thing leads to another and they have sex. Well, I noticed her bra and panties didn't match and made the comment that she hadn't been expecting male company.

And he says, "Why do you say that?"

"Because her undies don't match. She was just kicking it around the house. If she had been expecting him the blue bra wouldn't have been mismatched with black undies. She'd probably have shaved her legs."

By now he's paused the movie and we start having a serious discussion about this. A conversation that leads into women having pixie haircuts and the length we enjoy women's hair. And then came around to facial hair. I remarked about how I wasn't all too fond of the overly hairy beard.

And he says, "Yeah, I don't particularly like my girlfriends to have hairy faces."

Not thinking, because we weren't dating, I said, as I touched my upper lip, "Are you saying I have a hairy face?"

He looks at me, one eyebrow kind of cocked and this crooked grin on his face. "Are you saying you're my girlfriend?"

I panicked, because we're just buddies and this is the first time we've hung out by ourselves. So, I let the only thing that came to mind slip out, "Uh, no." Then I began to stare intently at the paused movie, while I blushed (I swear) from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

He chuckled and then pressed play.

I rolled my eyes at myself and wanted to slap a hand to my forehead. I was so embarrassed that I even said that, thinking, "God, I hope he doesn't I think we're dating."

Of course, things changed later. And there is another funny story, but this post is super long as it is. lol I'll save it for later...
"And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her," he promised.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby Black » Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:16 pm

Awkwaaaaaard. :?
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby JenTheWriter » Wed Feb 04, 2009 6:13 pm

Black wrote:Awkwaaaaaard. :?


Tell me about it!
"And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her," he promised.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby Black » Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:25 am

My cousin and I set our grandma's driveway on fire once. Well, HE set it on fire... I just laughed. It's a long story, but I have nothing else to do so I'll go ahead and type it out.

It was the summer of 05 (I was 16 and he was 14). Our grandma had left us alone at her house while she went to work, going on about how mature and grown-up we had become and how she could trust us. Ha.

A few hours after she left I got bored so I started lighting little pieces of straw on fire in the driveway. Then my cousin walks up and says that we should stuff a bunch of straw into one of these and light it. After a few minutes of doing that he tells me that he has an idea so I watch him go into the garage and walk out with a can of gasoline. I tell him what an idiot he is but I don't try to stop him because I actually trust him to keep it under control. My mistake. Anyway, he started splashing it on the little fire until a big ol' flame whoosh came up at him, then he dropped the can and ran. Neither of us wanted to retrieve it, naturally so all we could do was stand back and watch the fire get bigger and bigger as more and more gas leaked out.

Pretty soon it was a full-sized bonfire, taller than our grandma's little trailer. We ran to our uncle who was sleeping in his little camper and the first and only thing he did when he saw the fire was say "I'm not responsible." Great.

We're freaking out because, hello... there's a huge fire in the driveway so we tried spraying it with the hose and d'oh! It's a gas fire. So we set out to find some sort of smothering agent. We tried throwing little sprinklings of salt onto the raging inferno but it didn't work so all we could do is run around like decapitated chickens until the flames died down. Our grandma was due home in like 30 minutes at that point and my cousin kept going on about how we were going to get caught and how there was no hope. "No! No! We're not going to get caught! We can figure this out!" Getting caught was simply not an option for me and I was willing to go to the ends of the earth to make sure it didn't happen.

About 15 minutes before our grandma's shift ended the flames went down to about waist-height so I started throwing the driveway stones over it. Eventually it was completely covered and we were flooded with relief until we looked down and saw the huge black spot on the driveway.... and all the smoke in the air. Uh oh. I ran into the house and grabbed a spray bottle of perfume and started squirting it around, heh. But there was still the issue of the black spot. After a little brainstorming my cousin told me that he could scrape all of the grass out of the bottom of the lawnmower and tell my grandma that he cleaned it. After he got all the grass out he arranged it neatly over the charred stones. Black spot gone!

Not 5 minutes after he did that my grandma pulled into the driveway. We got into the car so she could take us home and the only thing that was said as we were pulling out was "What idiot cleaned the lawnmower in the middle of the driveway?"

Suffice it to say, we didn't get caught but I did go back about a year later to check the site and the black spot was still there underneath the stones. My cousin told me he checked it too.

It made for an interesting memory, that's for sure.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby JenTheWriter » Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:39 am

That's pretty freakin hilarious! Kind of reminds me of my own fire story. Well, it so much wasn't -mine- but I was there. Same guy as the post I made previously, and he was burning oil spots off his cement patio where his motorcycle had been sitting. He was being a little show off, you know, "Me man. I create fire." Anyway, one of the oil spots wasn't burning fast enough under the blow torch he was using, so he made the decision to put gasoline on it.

I was like, "That's probably not a good idea, especially seeing as how the oil spot is still on fire."

I don't remember what he said, but it translated to, "Me man. I create fire. You woman. You know nothing."

So, I stood there in amusement watching him create a little fire, knowing that it would only take a spark to ignite the gas and have it travel back in to the gasoline can. Sure enough ... it happened. And he was yammering on and on about -- I don't even remember. I mean I'm like a foot or two from this ticking time bomb and I'm calmly, "Dave."

He keeps talking.

I'm still calm. "Dave."

He keeps talking.

Now I get a little more insistant. "Dave!"

"What?!"

*points to the gasoline can* "It's on fire."

"Oh s--t!" And so he tears off to go throw the spout off and jump on it. I start laughing, can't help myself. I wanted to say, "You man. You nearly go boom!" Instead I reign in the laughter and say, "I guess I knew what I was talking about, didn't I?" You man. Me smarter.
"And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her," he promised.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby Black » Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:01 am

JenTheWriter wrote:That's pretty freakin hilarious! Kind of reminds me of my own fire story. Well, it so much wasn't -mine- but I was there. Same guy as the post I made previously, and he was burning oil spots off his cement patio where his motorcycle had been sitting. He was being a little show off, you know, "Me man. I create fire." Anyway, one of the oil spots wasn't burning fast enough under the blow torch he was using, so he made the decision to put gasoline on it.

I was like, "That's probably not a good idea, especially seeing as how the oil spot is still on fire."

I don't remember what he said, but it translated to, "Me man. I create fire. You woman. You know nothing."

XD. That actually made me laugh out loud.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby JenTheWriter » Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:06 am

Black wrote:
JenTheWriter wrote:That's pretty freakin hilarious! Kind of reminds me of my own fire story. Well, it so much wasn't -mine- but I was there. Same guy as the post I made previously, and he was burning oil spots off his cement patio where his motorcycle had been sitting. He was being a little show off, you know, "Me man. I create fire." Anyway, one of the oil spots wasn't burning fast enough under the blow torch he was using, so he made the decision to put gasoline on it.

I was like, "That's probably not a good idea, especially seeing as how the oil spot is still on fire."

I don't remember what he said, but it translated to, "Me man. I create fire. You woman. You know nothing."

XD. That actually made me laugh out loud.


It still makes me and my friends laugh. It's sort of become code amongst us that when one of us isn't paying attention we then say, "It's on fire!" And then we snap to. But yeah, I couldn't help but laugh at him.
"And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her," he promised.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby Vampire.Bunny » Thu Feb 05, 2009 5:12 am

He He these stories are lol

one lunch my friends and i were lying under a pine tree, we were staring into space, reading, sleeping etc, when one of my friends suddenly starts squirming and comes out with, "pine needles cant crawl, can they?" probley had to be there to find it as funny as we did, but anyway :roll:
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby JenTheWriter » Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:00 pm

lol No, it was funny! I've had those moments with my friends too. I was at work one day and I caught something black on my shoulder. Well, I had to do that double take because what I thought was fuzz was actually moving. Without thinking, I made a sqeaking noise and flicked it off of me. It was until it hit the floor and bounced back up and began walking away that I realized it was a huge beetle! Where would I get a beetle at an indoor building?

My customer looks at me and goes, "Wow, you took that well! I was waiting for you to scream."

I shuddered, because I'm all disgusted, and said, "IF that had been a spider you would have heard me scream." And then I do one of those full body shudders and makes you kind of dance.

The customer behind the one I was helping goes, "Yeah, but that was still nasty."
"And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her," he promised.
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Re: Funny Stories

Postby Black » Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:38 pm

Hmm. I never make a deal when I find a bug on me. I'll just be like "Oh." and flick it off. Bugs don't bother me at all. Not even spiders. In fact, when I was younger I used to save the gnats from my bathroom sink. I would literally pick each one out and lay it on a piece of toilet paper to dry. And when I went swimming in public pools, I would spend all of my time rescuing bugs from the water. I even made a 'worm sanctuary' once. I went around picking up all the half-dead worms from the parking lot and moved them to a bed of grass underneath an apple tree XD. I was a strange little kid. But even today the only buggy things I'll kill are mosquitoes and fleas. I have no patience for either of them.
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