Twilight Skits

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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Ekat » Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:11 pm

ok, i'm new at this, so i'm just giving it a try. If it makes no sense, feel free to skip over it XD


Aro: well... now that i think of it i really don't know what it does...
Jake: well, um, are you sure it's safe for her? I know she's a monster, but she's still young...
Aro: well, a jar of dirt seemed to do wonders for that jack sparrow man, so what's the harm of trying it on nessie?
Jake: o..k... then... well, thanks anyway
*Jake and Seth go back to wolf form*

Seth: dude, how are you going to carry that?
Jacob: i really dont know, any ideas?
Seth: nope
Jacob: well, then we're in a pickle!
Seth: what happened to that rope thing that you used for your clothes?
Jacob: it would feel to weird!! i would be like so lobsided!!
Seth: well, then what do we do??






I bet that stinks. If you don't like it feel free to skip over it lolz
Twilight Movie: 11-21-08
My Birthday: 11-22-08
Squee!!!!

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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Twilight<3 » Sun Aug 31, 2008 11:21 pm

Aw, man. I was hoping you wouldn't notice I stole that from Pirates of the Carribean. :lol:

Jacob: Okay, I have an idea.
Seth: Hit me.
Jacob: *punches Seth*
Seth: I didn't mean it like that.
Jacob: Oh, I know. Anyway, you can snort this stuff and then sneeze it in Nessie's face later so she snorts it.
Seth: Wouldn't that mean I would get the side effects?
Jacob: *shifty eyes* No...


Meanwhile...
Nessie: I WANT A DOG! I WANT A DOG!
Bella: *mutters under breath* I should never have gotten pregnant.
Nessie: LET'S LISTEN TO THE NICE VOICE AND GET A PUPPY!!!!!! I WANT A PUPPY!
Rosalie: *takes out ear plugs* Why don't we just listen to her and go to the pet store. I can't take this screaming anymore.
Voice: Very good. Go to the pet store. The pet store. The pet store.
Alice: Shut up. Okay, let's go.

I'm tired... don't blame me.
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby WinniePony » Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:16 pm

Heh. Pirates of the Caribbean. I love those movies. :D

*at the pet shop*
Nessie: Ooh! So many puppies to pick from!
Bella: *sigh*
Rosalie: Ooh! Look at the fluffy kitty!
Alice: I didn't know you liked kitties Rose.
Rosalie: I don't. But Emmett would LOVE that cat! And our anniversary is tomorrow... that idiot better remember.
Alice: *cough* Yeah, he will... *shifty eyes*
Rosalie: Good. Now I want that cat. *goes to pick up cat*
*fluffy kitty runs away from Rosalie*
Rosalie: It doesn't like me!!
Pet Shop Owner (Jerry): Of course not. You smell like dog.
Rosalie: :evil: :evil: :evil: I'm going to get that mutt if it's the last thing I do.
Nessie: Noooo! Don't hurt my Jakey! He's mine! MINE MINE MINE!
Bella: Honey, how about we get you a NEW puppy. Then Rose can have Jakey and everyone will be okay...
Nessie: *wailing* BUT I WANT JAKEY!!!

Seth: Did you hear that?
Jake: It sounded like...Nessie. *grimaces*
Seth: Yeah. So... maybe she's like dying or something, and we don't need to have me snort the dirt...
Jake: Nice try kid. Now snort the dirt.
Seth: Crap. *snorts dirt*
Jake: How do you feel?
Seth: I... feel...


To be continued. Somebody needs to come up with some wacky thing that the dirt does...
Some things exist, whether you believe in them or not. ~Valiant by Holly Black
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Shannie_is_Emmett » Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:43 pm

Oh my gosh these are sooo funny!! Thanks to Winnie i finally found the skits thread!! I've missed it so. Well, these are soo funny and i love what your doing with Nessie and Jake. I also think that we should give Aro a last name. I vote Smith. Yay, ok if it sucks it does. I'm not being very creative right now, sorry. But i'll give it a shot.

Jerry: Yes young child, you want the puppy.
LNM: *shifty eyes* yes, yes i do.
Bella:*whispers to Alice* Do you really think that a "pet" in a house full of vampires that drink "animal" blood is the best idea?
Alice: *stomps foot on the ground!!*I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!! THE PUPPY IS TOO CLOSE TO RENESMEE!!!

Meanwhile with Jake and Seth
Seth: Alpha Sir Dude...
Jake: *glares evily* Y-y-es Seth??
Seth: Well, my nose....it, it burns!!! *starts crying like a baby*
Jake: Are you going to act like a baby at a time like this?!?!?
Seth: *sniff sniff* W-w-well, i-i don't know...
Jake: Pull yoursels together!! *slaps him with a twig*
Seth: Owwwww!!!!!
Jake: I need to get Renesmee's mind out of the gutter man, and if this dirt that Aro Smith sent will help then we are going to snort it until she's my cute little Renesmee again. Not this creepy little green freaky-eye-twich-evil- laugh-obsessive-drooling-dirty-pictures-of-us Renesmee!!!

I have to go!! Sorry, if it sucked it's cause i haven't written in like 4 eva!! so sorry, but continue if you can....
"Until your heart stops beating, I'll be here"-Edward
"Bout time somebody scored around here"-Emmett
"If we survive this, I'll follow you anywhere woman"-Garrett
"Without the dark, we'd never see the stars"-Edward
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Ekat » Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:27 pm

haha!! i get it!! Aro-Smith Aerosmith!! hah it took me awhile to get that lol
I'm too tired to come up with anyhting creative, so i'll wait 'till morning. lol

Argh. school on thursday... *dies*
Twilight Movie: 11-21-08
My Birthday: 11-22-08
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby WinniePony » Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:03 pm

Yay! I'm glad you found it Shannie. :D

Nessie: MOMMA I WANT THE PUPPY NOW!!!
Jerry: Yes yes, you want the puppy now.
Nessie: Shut up. You're creepy.
Jerry: *muttering* Well look who's talking greenie...
Bella: What did you just call my baby??!! :evil:
Alice: I believe he said Greenie.
Bella: That's what I thought. :evil:
Rosalie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Jerry: That forgiveness is divine?
Bella: Dammit! Why does everyone tell me that??!! (heh. Remember when Charlie said that?)
Rosalie: Well I'M telling you that forgiveness is for squares.
Bella: I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Nessie: I STILL WANT A PUPPY!!!!!!!
Alice: :roll: I'll buy you a puppy if you shut up.
Nessie: Shut upping!

*Seth is still snorting dirt*
Jake: Faster! Snort faster!!
Seth: *groaning* I don't think I can take any more...
Jake: FASTER!
Seth: I'm going to-- to--
Jake: You're going to keep snorting.
Seth: --sneeze. ATCHOO!!!!

*Seth sneezes all over Jake*
Jake: Good going imbecile. You got the special dirt all over me!!
Seth: Sorry Mister Most High Al-- sorry.
Jake: And there's none left in the jar! Stupid stupid newb.
Seth: Sorry Mist--
Jake: *groans* Well I guess I'll just have to... rub it on Nessie or something.
Seth: Okay! Let's go!
Jake: I feel weird. What will this dirt do to a normal person?
Seth: *cough* Normal?
Jake: :evil: Yes Seth. Normal.
Seth: If you insist...


So... what will the dirt do to Jake? I can't really think of anything... creative juices stopped flowing.
Some things exist, whether you believe in them or not. ~Valiant by Holly Black
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Shannie_is_Emmett » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:08 pm

Argg!!! i can't think of anything at the moment. Darn. Yes i'm soo happy i found it, thanks Winnie.
I'm also glad that somebody got my joke.

Bella:WHERE IS THAT CRAZY EVIL MAN THAT KEEPS INSULTING MY DAUGHTER!?!?! :evil:
Alice:Well....Give me a minute...*starts thinking*
Nessie:How long do i have to keep this shutting up thing going??
Rosalie:Well sweetie, as long as it takes to get that puppy, okay?
Nessie:*shakes head violently* Okay!!
Bella: :twisted: Creepy little man....Creepy little man....Come out, come out wherever you are...

*Meanwhile Jacob starts sparkling*
Seth: Sir dude, your all sparkly!!
Jacob: What??!
Seth: Your like glittering!
Jacob: What did you do to me, newb? :o
Seth: :lol: I-I-I didn't do anything!! *doubles over laughing*

*Aro Smith is hiding in the bushes and starts laughing, histerically*
Aro:*talking to himself* :lol: Ha ha ha. I wasn't too sure about doing anything nice, but-but this is sooo funny!!! Ha ha ha. I should do something nice for these people more often. :D

Jacob:Why?? Why is this happening to me?!? *looking at his sparkly self*
Seth: I don't know, but if Renesmee was attracted to you before...Just imagine how she's going to be now!!!!
*remember's how her favorite toy is the sparkly necklace that Aro gave Bella as a wedding present* :lol: *starts laughing harder*
Jacob:*now in wolfie form-can hear seth's memories and groans inside p.s. he's a sparkly wolf *Mannnnnn!!!!!!!


*Back in the pet store* CV=Creepy Voice
Nessie:I've been quiet for a REAL long time now!!!
Alice:*gives her a glare*
Bella:*goes and looks in the storage room and finds the creepy guy voice man*There you are...
CV: No, no i'm not...*puts hands over his face, and rocks back and forth* If i can't see her, then she can't see me, if i can't see her, then she can't see me...
Bella: Oh yes, creepy man, i can see you....


Jasper and Edward
Edward:*my Bella's-in-trouble-senses are tingling...
Jasper: Oh no!!! Shall we cry?!?!
Edward: Whale boy and knifiey man(from the old skits) do not cry!!!
Jasper: Well then my dear brother, what shall we do?
Edward: *shrugs his shoulders* Well, besides try and take over the world.....*points finger in the air dramatically* By knifiey man i think i've got it!!
Jasper/Knifiey Man: What???!
*Emmett starts running down the stairs and Jasper and Edward turn to stare*
Emmett: *who is wearing a aquamarine lingerie set-of Rosalie's of course* What did i miss?!?!?
Edward and Jasper: *rubbing their eyes* :shock: My eyes burn!!!
Emmett:What is this not my color???


Is aquamarine not Emmett's color? Will Jacob get un-sparkly and Seth stop laughing? Will Nessie get her puppy? What will Edward, Jasper, and Emmett do? What is Bella gonna do to the creepy man???

Somebody please continue??
"Until your heart stops beating, I'll be here"-Edward
"Bout time somebody scored around here"-Emmett
"If we survive this, I'll follow you anywhere woman"-Garrett
"Without the dark, we'd never see the stars"-Edward
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Kelli S. is Rosalie » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:35 pm

This sucks! I had no idea the skits thread was up! I soo missed you people. I was a very long, and boring time without the Lexicon. I love these skits and all you people! :D
Take care of my heart, I left it with you.
What a sick, masochistic lion.
You're entoxicated by my very presence.
I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her.
Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.
Does my being half-naked bother you?
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Talia_Bananas » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:01 am

wow! it has been forever! i missed the skits! i must chatch up. i hope this thred doesnt die like the VMT :( that would be oh so sad *cries*



Jasper-DUDE! Stop!
Emmett-stop wat?
Edward-Theres no time jasper! Bella needs me!
Emmett-Time for what? I don’t understand?
Jasper-well emmett you see when you wear things like that it kinda makes my want to burn my eyes out of my skull

*Emmett starts sobbing*

*Edward hisses*
Edward-Jasper! Wat he means emmett is…maybe…oh forget im outta here. *runs to mall leaving jasper and emmett*


*back at the mall*
LNM-hey rose wats that in your bag?
Rose-*does the shifty eye thing* wat do you mean?
LMN-The red and black bag inside your hand bag
Rose-*stashes bag deeper inside hand bag* uhm well
Alice-ROSE!
Rose-WAT!
LNM-*grabs hot topics bag* OMG! You got a team Edward shirt!
*alice and LNM gasp!*
Rose-well wel….uhm….*starts to cry tearless sobs* ITS TRUE! I’ve joined team Edward! Im so ashamed!Dont tell bella please!

*Skit girls walking threw the mall*
Twi-Lets check out hot topics maybe they have new twilight stuff
Talia-Yeah! I could get something for my rubber chicken
Everyone- :shock: O.o
Talia-WAT?!*pulls out picture of RC*
*RC in picture :twisted:*
Shannie-I wish they had a team emmett shirt… :cry:
Winnie-I think im in the mood for a puppy im going to check out the pet store
CV-EMPORIUM!
Everyone-Wat the….>.>

*in closet*
CV-gosh everyone just calls it store I specifically made it emporium for a reason…
Bella-shut up!*growls*
CV-*squeals* sorry
Bella-Now…why don’t you tell me what you think of my daughter…

*Edwards runs into the pet emporium and heads for the closet missing half the conversation, listens outside the door*
CV-…fantastic, beautiful, amazing, breath taking, I’ve never felt this way before about anyone’s small slimy…hey! that doesn’t go there! OUCH!
Bella-HOLD STILL! This will hurt and ill enjoy it! Muahahaha
CV-hey! That doesn’t twist like that!
Edward- :shock: *gasp!*

Sorry could help but it lol I haven’t written anything in forever hope this was funny or at least entertaining. Keep it going!
Image"I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole.But I wasn't the only one twitching.I could feel Jacob's whole body trembling next to mine.Even the car shook.- NM pg347
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby WinniePony » Fri Sep 05, 2008 12:04 am

Talia! You haven't been on skits in ages. Glad you're back. :D But they posted a new rule since you've been here... we're not supposed to put the CFG's in anymore. I know, it's sad, but it was just getting too crazy on the last thread. :cry: Buh bye CFG's...although we can like...mention ourselves. We just can't poof in. And when Edward hears only part of Bella and the creepy voice's conversation... priceless! :lol:

Jake: You made me sparkly??!!
Aro Smith: Uh... yeah.
Jake: But now Nessie will love me even MORE! IT'LL BE CREEPY!!!
Aro Smith: Well there IS a way to undo the magic...
Jake: WHAT. TELL ME HOW. NOW!!!!!!!!!
Seth: SOMEbody needs to take a chill pill.
Jake: I. DO. NOT. NEED. TO. CHILL. :evil:
Aro Smith: Ahahaha this is hilarious! Loyal AND entertaining!!
Jake: What.
Seth: Don't tell me you still want guard dogs. *growls*
Aro Smith: I'll give you boys a choice. You come and serve ME as guard dogs, and I'll make a potion that will make Nessie normal again and Jake not sparkly.
Seth: *vicious growling*
Jake: Not...sparkly?
Seth: JACOB!
Jake: But... not sparkly...
*cue ominous music*

Alice: Oh we're telling Bella all right. BEL---
*Rosalie gags Alice*
Rosalie: No! I can't let you betray my secret!
Alice: eh he ouwwa hih!
Rosalie: YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE!!!
Random Bystander: :shock:
Rosalie: What are YOU looking at?!
RB: :shock:
Rosalie: *hissing* Get lost!
RB: :shock:
Nessie: *singing tauntingly* I got the Edward shirt! *waves Rosalie's shirt in the air*
Rosalie: NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
RB: :shock: ...*slinks quietly away*

Emmett: I...burn your eyes? :cry:
Jasper: Yes Emmett. Those things may look sexy on Rose, but I'm afraid they're not meant for us guys.
Emmett: But... I want to look sexy like my Rosie Posie.
Jasper: *manly voice* Emmett, I am going to take you shopping, man to man. We'll find you some clothes that are sexy AND manly.
Emmett: SQUEE!!!!!
Jasper: But don't ever do that again.
Emmett: Sorry.
Jasper: It's okay.
Emmett: Banana.
Jasper: Shut up.
*Jasper and Emmett leave to go...ahem...underwear shopping*

Edward: *muttering to himself* This is bad, very very bad. Whaleboy needs backup... *pulls out walkie talkie* Whaleboy to Emo Man, Whaleboy to Emo Man, come in Emo Man.
Jasper:*from walkie talkie* This is Emo Man. What is it Whaleboy?
Edward: Whaleboy requesting backup from Emo Man and Bananaboy.
Jasper: Request denied. Emo Man and Bananaboy engaged in matters of national security.
Edward: Really?
Jasper: No, this is more important.
Edward: A matter of...?
Jasper: Saving our eyeballs from the unsightly sight of Emmett in Rose's underwear.
Edward: Le gasp! You've found a way to cure him?
Jasper: Affirmative. Try calling Sith Lady and Model Girl for backup.
Edward: Can do. Over and out.
Jasper: Over and out.

Okay, that's all I got. So glad we brought back the superheroes. But wasn't Jasper Emo Man, not knifeyboy? I'm pretty sure he was Emo Man... :?
Some things exist, whether you believe in them or not. ~Valiant by Holly Black
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