Girls are confusing.

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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby Elizabeth » Thu Sep 04, 2008 5:37 pm

I agree with StupidLamb. I think it's one of two extremes, you either mirror your parents or you run in the other direction! It's like people who don't want to be married because they're afraid it will end in divorce because their parents were divorced. Or, how people want to get married because they didn't grow up in a two parent household.
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby darkrider » Sat Sep 06, 2008 8:41 pm

Elizabeth wrote:I agree with StupidLamb. I think it's one of two extremes, you either mirror your parents or you run in the other direction! It's like people who don't want to be married because they're afraid it will end in divorce because their parents were divorced. Or, how people want to get married because they didn't grow up in a two parent household.



I agree completley! I mean, I didn't grow up in a 2parent household..but i still woud love to get married young...still. i have hopes. lol
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby Elizabeth » Sun Sep 07, 2008 1:35 am

darkrider wrote:
I agree completley! I mean, I didn't grow up in a 2parent household..but i still woud love to get married young...still. i have hopes. lol


I grew up with a single mom and seeing her alone was awful. She would always tell me that she didn't want to grow old alone. I think this is why I'm so in love with the idea of being married. People think I'm crazy and say I have time and that I'm young. But they don't understand, I never got to see that love firsthand. Yeah, my grandparents were in my life, but the bicker like a stereotypical old couple and they haven't had what I would call a good relationship, although they could disagree and make excuses.
Dark, we're definitely on the same page. A part of me wishes I'd marry young, but I'd just like to find someone i can just share my life with. Small steps!
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby samajama » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:39 am

Elizabeth wrote:I agree with StupidLamb. I think it's one of two extremes, you either mirror your parents or you run in the other direction! It's like people who don't want to be married because they're afraid it will end in divorce because their parents were divorced. Or, how people want to get married because they didn't grow up in a two parent household.

But I did grow up in a two-parent household. I still want to get married. I mean, obviously not right this moment (I'm 17), but still, I want to get married.
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby Elizabeth » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:53 am

samajama wrote:But I did grow up in a two-parent household. I still want to get married. I mean, obviously not right this moment (I'm 17), but still, I want to get married.

Hehe, yeah, 17 isn't the right age for everyone! I was just saying that it's usually that you're like your parents when it comes to relationships or you're absolutely determined not to be like them. My mom has always said that she hopes my sister and I learn from her mistakes. In a way, I think she's taught me not to be like her, on purpose. Maybe your parent's dynamics have had an effect on what you'd like for yourself?
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby EvenFreaksNeedLove » Sun Sep 07, 2008 12:18 pm

Girls are confusing. I'm a girl and I don't even understand them! :?
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby Sharenei » Sun Sep 07, 2008 5:36 pm

Carrisa wrote:So, she got back with him today. I fail to follow how this happened. For one, she loves him and yet all she can do is cuss him out, even in front of his face. This relationship is like one I've never seen before. Even though I have zero knowledge on relationships, that just doesn't seem healthy. Though she does seem to feel the need to cuss her friend out too. I wonder what causes her to be that way?



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Well, it's unfortunate, but that kind of "relationship" is increasingly common--it's the same kind my abovestairs neighbors have. Some of their 2 A.M. arguments have rattled walls, and warranted a couple calls to the police. And for claiming no knowledge of relationships, you've pinpointed the problem exactly: it's not healthy. Whatever happened to "Love is kind, love is patient," etc.? Now, maybe my background's a little messed-up, but my mother always told me if you can't respect your other half--and show that respect--then you have no business being with them. The same goes for them towards you. Both of my sisters made the mistake of ignoring that little piece of advice.

They are both now recovering from abusive relationships; one psychological and emotional, one physical, verbal, and emotional.

Now, I'm not accusing her of abuse by any stretch; I'm just saying that if she can't respect him, then whatever her words to your face (or others), there is no real love there at all. I sincerely hope she can figure that out soon, or as she gets older, the world of heartache is going to become increasingly familiar...and that's a bad place to be.
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby Elizabeth » Sun Sep 07, 2008 10:51 pm

Sharenei wrote:Now, I'm not accusing her of abuse by any stretch; I'm just saying that if she can't respect him, then whatever her words to your face (or others), there is no real love there at all. I sincerely hope she can figure that out soon, or as she gets older, the world of heartache is going to become increasingly familiar...and that's a bad place to be.


First, I'm not saying she's abusive either, I don't know the people involved and as an outsider, I have no right to judge. I just want to add on to Sharenei's post.

This is one of those topics covered in many psychology classes. I've heard it described as being conditioned to certain relationships. There may be some truth to it, but I have a hard time believing that people consciously seek unstable relationships. Psychology states that people who have experienced abuse in the home/firsthand are likely to repeat the pattern in their own relationships. I can see that it's all about learned behavior, but how can we just say that people who have been physically abused or witnessed it at home believe they deserve to be abused or won't try to break the pattern?
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby jaspercookie » Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:19 pm

Elizabeth wrote:I agree with StupidLamb. I think it's one of two extremes, you either mirror your parents or you run in the other direction! It's like people who don't want to be married because they're afraid it will end in divorce because their parents were divorced. Or, how people want to get married because they didn't grow up in a two parent household.


My parents are married and I want to get married too, just have a different marriage than they do. I want to marry someone who truly makes me happy, every day of my life. Not just someone who happens to live in the same house, which is the feeling I sometimes get with them. They're not very attached to each other really. I want a more-than-normally-happy marriage. I expect a lot from a marriage because my parents have set the standard pretty low (and no offense to them: they're good parents; they're just not that into each other.)
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Re: Girls are confusing.

Postby StupidxLamb » Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:32 pm

jaspercookie wrote:My parents are married and I want to get married too, just have a different marriage than they do. I want to marry someone who truly makes me happy, every day of my life. Not just someone who happens to live in the same house, which is the feeling I sometimes get with them. They're not very attached to each other really. I want a more-than-normally-happy marriage. I expect a lot from a marriage because my parents have set the standard pretty low (and no offense to them: they're good parents; they're just not that into each other.)


Same here. I think people's reactions to their parents' marriages differ. My older brother used to say he never wanted to get married, he just wanted to adopt a boy and get a dog. Now I think he has reconsidered, but he definitely wasn't always fond of the idea of marriage. If it wasn't for me and my siblings living at home, I am pretty sure that my parents would be divorced. They're essentially only together because of us kids right now. I'm very aware of this fact. My mom has actually talked to me about it before. Once, my dad very nearly left. So I'm kind of over both my parents, and don't even care what they do anymore. But I want a good marriage, one that is really strong and healthy. I just hope I can find that.
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