Twilight Skits

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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Talia_Bananas » Fri Sep 05, 2008 2:03 am

I MISSD U ALLLLLLLLLL!!!!! :cry: im so happy! awwww i had no idea thanx for telling me. it was getting kinda crazy.....0.o

ok here goes!

*edward walks towards alice and rose not paying much attention pats nessie on the head*

*back in the closet*

Bella-Now your lucky my husband isnt here or else he would freak!

CV guy- Well looks like you freaked out enough for the both of...*bella give him evil eye 0.o*
I mean can i interest u in a puppy?

Bella- well nessie did want one...

CV-well if u untied me and took my shoes off my head than i could help you

*Bella unties CV*

Bella-i think you can walk around with shoes on your head it might make nessie laugh

*they walk out of the closet, bella see edward*

Bella- EDWARD!!!!!

*in Calvin K.*

Emmett-wat about these! *holds up man thong*

Jasper-AH MY EYES!

Emmett-im not even wearing them!

Jasper- Mentals Em, mentals.

*emmett sighs*
Em-i give up....

Jasper-Here is something...


ok thats all i got. im like dead. someone save it
Image"I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole.But I wasn't the only one twitching.I could feel Jacob's whole body trembling next to mine.Even the car shook.- NM pg347
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby MuseAddict » Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:50 am

Heyah! guess who's back too..? ME!!! jane's_sister! with a new nickname that I halfway stole from Twilight<3 in TSBM... I'm so sorry... *hides in her corner*
Well, It's been months since I wrote a SKIT here because I began to spend almost my entire time online in TSBM instead of the lex... but I miss SKITS and now seems to be the right time to rejoin the thread because there isn't too much written till now.

Hope I won't suck too much...

At Calvin Klein's:
Emmett: *looks at the underwear that Jazz handes him* :shock: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Jasper: *speaks very slowly and carefully as if he was talking to a little child* that is something that is usually called underwear.
Emmett: But... there is no lace on it.
Jasper: Uhm, Em, we wanted to buy sexy, manly underwear...
Emmett: But lace IS sexy!
JAsper: *facepalm* but not MANLY!
Emmett: but... *sniff* but... *sniff* I WANT LACE!!!!! *bursts out into tears* I WANNA WEAR SEXY LACE UNDERWEAR!
Jasper: I think this will take some time...

at the pet shop [MV: ...EMPIRE!!!!]
Bella: EDWARD! *runs to Edward and huggles him* You must help me! this creepy man was very mean!
Edward: get away from me! HOW DO YOU DARE???
Bella: but... what did I do? don't you love me anymore??? *bursts out into tears*
Edward and Bella: *start to fight*
CV: *mutters* hihi... first marriage crisis... *tries to steal away* *makes a false step* *shoes fall of his head and make a loud noise* *shouts out loud* AWKWARD DAMMIT!!!!
Edward and Bella: *turn toward him* THIS is ALL YOUR FAULT!
CV: :shock: crap.
Edward and Bella: :twisted:
Random Bystander: *comes from behind them* *taps Bella's shoulder* *whispers in her ear*
Bella: :shock: NO SHE HASN'T!!!! :evil: *turns to Edward* would you mind taking care of him alone? I have to settle a matter.
Edward: oh, no, just do what you have to do, honey.
Bella: you're the best! *kisses him* see you! *walks away*
Random Bystander: *Rubs hands* :twisted: this will be interesting... bwahahahaha!!!
Edward: :shock: JANE??? what the hell are you doing here?
Jane: :shock: oh sh*t...

hihi... I just had to involve Jane... I kinda like her... Maybe the next one can explain her evil plan...
Somebody hand me my whip please... or you'll get know my heels!^^
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Shannie_is_Emmett » Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:16 pm

Gahhh...... I can't think of anything!!! This sucks!!!! Well, until i find some fantabulous inspiration i'm just going to tell yall that your doing a great job and this is hilarious!!! Keep up the hilarity until i can contribute please!! :D
"Until your heart stops beating, I'll be here"-Edward
"Bout time somebody scored around here"-Emmett
"If we survive this, I'll follow you anywhere woman"-Garrett
"Without the dark, we'd never see the stars"-Edward
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby WinniePony » Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:55 pm

Hi j_s! I was very proud of myself. I recognized your little picture thingie, and the poem in your siggie. I can't usually remember that kind of thing... or anything, really. But I remembered that Talia likes rubber chickens! That one was kinda hard to forget though...

Jasper: Emmett, let me make one thing abundantly clear to you. Are you listening?
Emmett: *preoccupied* M-hm.
Jasper: Lace. Is. Not. Manly.
Emmett: M-hm.
Jasper: It has never be manly.
Emmett: M-hm.
Jasper: It never will be manly.
Emmett: M-hm.
Jasper: *realizing that Emmett isn't listening* And always remember that beetle flavored cupcakes make the best anniversary gifts.
Emmett: What?!
Jasper: Good, I have your attention. Now I have to say, LACE ISN'T MANLY YOU CREEPY GAY PERVERT!!
Emmett: No, that's not important. What did you say about anniversaries?
Jasper: It was nonsense. I was just trying to get your attention.
Emmett: OMG! I can't believe I almost forgot Rosie Posie and my anniversary is tomorrow!!!
Jasper: Good going retard. She's going to hate you if you don't get her a present.
Emmett: You're right! TO HONEYDUKE'S!!! (the candyshop from Harry Potter...with all the weirdo flavored candies and stuff... for beetle flavored cupcakes.)
Jasper: *slaps forehead* Now I have to save our eyes and our noses? His breath will stink for WEEKS if he eats those!! *grumbles* Me and my big mouth...

Nessie: I got the Edward shirt!!
Rosalie: That's MINE!!!
Nessie: Well YOU CAN'T HAVE IT.
Rosalie: *groans* But that was my anniversary present for Emmett!!
Nessie: :shock: EMMETT wants a team Edward shirt?
Rosalie: Well if it'll get him to stop wearing my underwear...
Nessie: Good point. But I still want a puppy.
Rosalie: I'll get you a puppy if you give me the shirt.
Nessie: Puppy first.
Rosalie: Shirt first.
Nessie: Alice said she'd get me a puppy if I shutted up, but that didn't happen. THIS time I want the puppy FIRST.
Rosalie: Stupid slimy lake monster...

That's all I got. I haven no clue why Jane's there, or how Jake will unpervertify Nessie, or if Alice is still tied up.
Some things exist, whether you believe in them or not. ~Valiant by Holly Black
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby MuseAddict » Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:13 am

Kay. I'll try to make the Jane thing more clear... actually I'm happy that that's my job... I like evil plans...

At the Petshop with Edward and Jane
Edward: What the heck are you doing here???
Jane: Uhm... *shifty eyes* shopping? *sheepish expression*
Edward: In a pet shop?
CV: ...EMPIRE!!! *tries to steal away again*
Jane: Uhm... yes?... *ponders* :idea: Aro wanted me to get some collars for his new guard dogs!
Edward: *reads mind* *taps foot* Jane...I know that you're lying...
Jane: Oh crap. :evil: *Kicks storage rack* *storage rack breaks and falls on CV*
CV:*screams* HELP ME!!!! OH MY GOD, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS ANYMORE!!!!
Edward: *looks at MV* *shrugs* At least you can't get away now.
Jane: *sniff* why is it always me??? *bursts out into tears* :cry: EVERYTIME I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH MY EVIL PLANS SOMEONE GETS IN MY WAY!!!! *rolls on the floor*
Edward: *Looks at Jane and sees slight similarities in behavior to another person...* :) Oh Jane, dear, we will work this out. *hugs Jane and pats her shoulder* everything will be fine.
Jane:*stops crying* really? *sniff*
Edward: Of course. I'll help you!
Jane: *Behind Edward's back* :twisted: Excellent!

At the dog area of the pet shop
Rosalie: *sigh* Okay, Nessie, which one do you want?
Nessie: *looks at the puppies* this one... or... this one?... or this?... hm... I can't decide... they're all so lovely...
Rosalie: :roll: this is almost worse than going shopping with Emmett...

Hm. this wasn't very good I think. maybe I should leave it at that before i completely mess up the threat...
Last edited by MuseAddict on Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Somebody hand me my whip please... or you'll get know my heels!^^
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby WinniePony » Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:45 pm

Heh. It wasn't suckish, it was just fine. I don't really know what you intended for Jane to do, or if you even had anything in mind, but I just got an idea and I'm going to go with it... and it's definitely in the spirit of the skits. Stupid and illogical!!! :D

Edward: So what's the plan?
Jane: :twisted: Well... *whispers evil plan to Edward*
Edward: You want to do WHAT? :shock:
Jane: :x You heard me. Now are you in or not?
Edward: I'm in, but MAN is that evil.
Jane: *angelic smile* That's what they call me!

*In Honeydukes, which is magically in the mall, not in Hogsmeade*
Jasper: Why am I here, why am I here, why am I here with this idiot?!
Emmett: Ooh! Blood flavored lollipops! Jazzy, do you want one?
Jasper: Emmett, my name is not Jazzy. It's Jasper. JAS-PER.
Emmett: Whatever Jazzy. Do you want a lolli or not?
Jasper: No Emmett, I do not want a lolli. Now let's go home.
Emmett: No! Not until I find the beetle-flavored cupcakes for Rosie Posie!!!
Jasper: Emmett, that was a JOKE. Girls do NOT like beetle-flavored cupcakes!!
Emmett: Uh huh. You just want them all to yourself, so that Alice will love you and I'll look like an idiot!!
Jasper: Emmett, you already look like an idiot.
Emmett: No I don't! Esme says I'm just special!
Jasper: HOLY CRAP WHAT'S THAT?!
Emmett: You don't know what special means? :?
Jasper: :roll: No you idiot. THAT. *spins Emmett around*
Emmett: HOLY CRAP WHAT'S THAT?!
Jasper: *slaps forehead* That's what I just asked you!
Emmett: But what is it?! :shock:
Jasper: It looks like a... giant bunny rabbit!
Emmett: No!!!!!!!
Jasper: And... is that EDWARD pushing the bunny around?!
Emmett: Looks like it. OOH. Do you think he'll want a lolli?
Jasper: Emmett, forget the lolli. We need to figure out what's going on.
Emmett: *pouts* You're no fun.

Edward:*whispering to the bunny* Are you SURE you want to do this?
Jane:*from inside the bunny* Of course.
Edward: Where do you want me to leave you.
Jane: Right outside the factory. :twisted:
Edward: Remind me again why you're in a giant bunny.
Jane: *sighs* It's a TROJAN bunny! The factory people will accept your peace offering and take the bunny inside, and then close the store, and when night comes, I'll jump out and complete my evil plan!
Edward: But why is it a bunny?
Jane: BECAUSE BUNNIES ARE FLUFFY!
Edward: It's wooden.
Jane: Shut up.
Edward: And why aren't you just using your vampy powers to bust through the wall and take what you need?
Jane: Because this is WAY cooler.
Edward: *mutters* You're worse than Emmett...

Heh. Anyone seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? With the trojan bunny in it? It's hilarious. :D
Some things exist, whether you believe in them or not. ~Valiant by Holly Black
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby MuseAddict » Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:38 am

OMG! this was great!!! Winnie, your a genius! this is even better than what I wanted Jane to do...

But since I don't really understand which factory you're talking about I won't write anything now. maybe later... BTW, we should take care of Rose, Alice, Nessie and Bella! and we also forgot Aro Smith, Seth and sparkly Jake! hm. I'll go on with them.

Bella: *gets to the place were she thought Rosalie would be* *looks around* :evil: Goddamned sh*t! where is this B*tch???
Alice: *still gagged* hm!!! hmhmHMhmhm-hm!
Bella: *finds Alice* what did you say?
Alice: hm-hm!!! hmhmHMhmhm-hm!
Bella: I didn't get it. can you repeat what you just said?
Alice: *evil glare*
Bella: okay, okay. *removes gag*
Alice: *jumps around and waggles with her arms* Bella!!! Rosalie joined Team E-
Bella: *interrupts her* *sigh* I know. your so NOT up-to-date! Now tell me: where is this B*tch????
Alice: I dunno!
Bella: :evil: why don't you know??? use your gift or I'll make you do it!
Alice: *frustrated expression* I can't. Nessie's with her.
Bella: WHAT THE HECK??? MY DAUGHTER THE TRAITOR JOINED THAT beep-beep beep[i]ish beep[/i]????
Alice: yes she did!
Bella: *taps foot* this was a rhetorical question. so... will you help me beat up that B*tch?
Alice: Of course! that §$%"§ gagged me! NO ONE GAGS SITH LORD ALICE!!!!!
Bella: :twisted: Excellent!

Alice and Bella: *look for Rosalie and Nessie and find Aro Smith, Seth and Jake*
Jake: Not...sparkly?
Aro Smith: Yes Jacob... I can make you not sparkly... :twisted: JOIN USSSS!!!!
Bella: JACOB???? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU???
Jake: *gaze* Not...sparkly?
Alice: *glares evily at Aro Smith* :evil: THIS IS MY LINE!!! *clouts him*
Aro Smith: OUW! *tries to run away*
Alice: *chases Aro Smith and continious clouting him*
Aro: OUW! OUW! OUW!...
Bella: *waggles her hand in front of Jacob's face*
jake: *gaze* Not...sparkly?
Bella: *to Seth* what happened to him?
Seth: *sigh* We wanted to turn Nessie back to normal and asked Aro for help and he gave us a can of dirt and somehow we got the dirt on Jacob and the dirt made him sparkly and Aro offered to make him not sparkly and Aro has an stupid last name.
Bella: Eh? *confused expression*
Seth: *facepalm*
--after some further explanations--
Bella: okay... I think I got it now.
Seth: *relieved sigh* Finally!
Jake: *gaze* Not...sparkly?
Bella: But what the heck has Aro's last name to do with it?
Seth: uhm... nevermind...
Bella: *lightbulb* Alice... I have an idea...
ALice: *while clouting Aro Smith* *watchs future* excellent! It'll work I guess!
Aro Smith: Ouw! Ouw! Ouw!
Bella: :twisted: excellent! but you must do something for me, Alice!
Alice: *still clouting Aro* What?
Bella: We need the Sith Lord! Remember how we convince Emmett everytime he doesn't want what we want him to do?
Alice: :twisted: excellent!
Seth: *confused* what do you want to do?
Bella: You'll see.
Alice: *stops cluoting Aro*
Aro Smith: *relieved sigh*
Alice: *knocks Aro out*
Seth: :D I iked that part of the plan!
Alice: *in Sith-Lord-voice* JOIN USSSSS!!!! WE HAVE COOKIES!!!!
Jake: :shock: COOKIES??? YUMMY!!! xD
Alice: *in Sith-Lord-voice* GO AND HELP US TO BEAT UP ROSALIE!!! THEN YOU'LL GET yOUR NESSIE BACK TO NORMAL!!!
Jake: and the cookies?
Bella: *sigh* of course you'tll also get your Cookies.
Jake: YAY!!! xD *catches Nessie's and Rose's scent and follows it*
Bella and Alice: :twisted: EXCELLENT!!! *follow him*
Seth: *shrugs* *follows them*
Aro Smith: *wakes up* what did I do? how did I get here? *holds his head* OMG... It feels as if I'm having the hugest hangover ever... Ouw! maybe I sniffed to much sparkly dirt... or was it green liquid..? *walks away mumbling*

lol do you remember the green liquid thing? that was SOO funny!!! maybe we could involve it again... ^^ like... beetle-flavored cupcakes with green liquid filling..?
Somebody hand me my whip please... or you'll get know my heels!^^
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Talia_Bananas » Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:55 pm

god u guys are doing so good! im laughn my a*s off over here lol but im totally brain dead! works got me going crazy! i hope i think of something later keep it up lovelys!
Image"I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole.But I wasn't the only one twitching.I could feel Jacob's whole body trembling next to mine.Even the car shook.- NM pg347
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Artemis Cullen » Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:33 pm

Haha! That was funny! :lol: Nice job 'Muse Addict'! :D
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby MuseAddict » Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:18 pm

Thank you very much! :D

But I'd rather like it if someone wrote a SKIT so that I could add something after it! Please!
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