The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Imagine » Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:38 pm

I've been hearing these awful fantasies from girls about me during class. Not out loud, of course, but still... *shudders* How can I get them to stop and actually pay attention in class?!

Edward
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby somethingblue » Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:46 pm

Imagine wrote:I've been hearing these awful fantasies from girls about me during class. Not out loud, of course, but still... *shudders* How can I get them to stop and actually pay attention in class?!

Edward


Cover yourself up for goodness sakes! Oh, and don't bathe. Leave yourself smelling like the mountain lion you just ate. Finally, rip a bat's head off with your teeth in class. Ozzy Osborne did it.

Keep your bloodsucker mitts off the girls,

Paul
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Ouisa » Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:49 pm

So I'm in love this younger woman....a MUCH younger woman. And it's her birthday soon. What is a good present for a 4 year old?

Quil
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Alcyone » Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:53 pm

Gianna: Thank you for calling Toddlers 'Were' Us. If you would like to purchase something from our catalog, press one. If you would like to verify the state of your order, press two. If you would like to speak to one of our representatives regarding the perfect toy for a four-year old female werewolf/shape shifter imprintee, please stay on the line and you will be attended shortly.

*Three hours of Muzak later*

I'm sorry. It seems our representatives are busy attending other customers. The soonest you will be attended is in: 89 years, 211 days, 13 hours and 46 minutes. Please stay on the line.

*Muzak resumes*
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby somethingblue » Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:56 pm

I'm a newly turned vampire and newlywed, and I only seem to have one thing on mind. I can't concentrate, I don't want to leave the house and I think I'm becoming an addict. But I like it. What should I do?

Bella
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Ouisa » Thu Sep 11, 2008 5:03 pm

Bella

You've always loved to cook. An addiction to baking is quite normal. Just remember though you are a vampire and you don't eat. Try a nice game of scrabble instead.

Your father, Charlie
Last edited by Ouisa on Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Adam » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:39 pm

Now that he has found his mate, my beloved father is trying to set me up for eternity with a cold, shallow, superficial, Barbie type. Sure, she's beautiful, but there's just no chemistry. Help!

- Edward
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby somethingblue » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:51 pm

Dude, she is HOT! What is wrong with you? Ok, so how about I get in a fight with a bear and you make sure that she's nearby. I'll take my chances with a bear if I might get a chance to get me some of that.

Emmett
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby darkrider » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:55 pm

Alcyone wrote:
Doodle wrote:I'm pretty. Like very pretty, but Edward doesn't think so and I don't understand. How do I get him to think I'm pretty, because I am.

- Rosalie


1. Put on white T-shirt.
2. Find bucket.
3. Fill with freezing cold water.
4. Literally. Freezing cold water.
5. Douse yourself with water.

-Tyler





LMFAOOOOOOOOOO! I actuallt loled at that tyler! lmaoooo!

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Hi, I got beat by my sister in-law at an arm wrestling match....how do I mend my ego?

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby samajama » Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:10 pm

Well, that's simple. Just wait a year or so. You'll be stronger than me again, then.

-Bella



P.S. I love how appropriate my avie is. :lol:
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I'm really hot. I feel like a have a fever, and I just feel really, really sick. It's probably that stupid virus. I bet I got it from the Newton kid. Any advice?

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