The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Things having to do with Twilight that are related to the book: fanfic, rpg, products, websites, book clubs, etc.

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Imagine
Settled in Forks
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Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:38 am
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by Imagine »

I've been hearing these awful fantasies from girls about me during class. Not out loud, of course, but still... *shudders* How can I get them to stop and actually pay attention in class?!

Edward
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Team Edward :D I made my own icon!
somethingblue
The Godmother
Posts: 185
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:16 pm
Location: Index, Indiana

Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by somethingblue »

Imagine wrote:I've been hearing these awful fantasies from girls about me during class. Not out loud, of course, but still... *shudders* How can I get them to stop and actually pay attention in class?!

Edward
Cover yourself up for goodness sakes! Oh, and don't bathe. Leave yourself smelling like the mountain lion you just ate. Finally, rip a bat's head off with your teeth in class. Ozzy Osborne did it.

Keep your bloodsucker mitts off the girls,

Paul
Ouisa
Taking over the world and making it pretty!
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by Ouisa »

So I'm in love this younger woman....a MUCH younger woman. And it's her birthday soon. What is a good present for a 4 year old?

Quil
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Alcyone
Has More Hidden Talents Than Aro
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by Alcyone »

Gianna: Thank you for calling Toddlers 'Were' Us. If you would like to purchase something from our catalog, press one. If you would like to verify the state of your order, press two. If you would like to speak to one of our representatives regarding the perfect toy for a four-year old female werewolf/shape shifter imprintee, please stay on the line and you will be attended shortly.

*Three hours of Muzak later*

I'm sorry. It seems our representatives are busy attending other customers. The soonest you will be attended is in: 89 years, 211 days, 13 hours and 46 minutes. Please stay on the line.

*Muzak resumes*
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Set by *cullens & converse | AB Type
somethingblue
The Godmother
Posts: 185
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:16 pm
Location: Index, Indiana

Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by somethingblue »

I'm a newly turned vampire and newlywed, and I only seem to have one thing on mind. I can't concentrate, I don't want to leave the house and I think I'm becoming an addict. But I like it. What should I do?

Bella
Ouisa
Taking over the world and making it pretty!
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by Ouisa »

Bella

You've always loved to cook. An addiction to baking is quite normal. Just remember though you are a vampire and you don't eat. Try a nice game of scrabble instead.

Your father, Charlie
Last edited by Ouisa on Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Adam
Jump Starting Bella's Truck
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by Adam »

Now that he has found his mate, my beloved father is trying to set me up for eternity with a cold, shallow, superficial, Barbie type. Sure, she's beautiful, but there's just no chemistry. Help!

- Edward
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somethingblue
The Godmother
Posts: 185
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:16 pm
Location: Index, Indiana

Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by somethingblue »

Dude, she is HOT! What is wrong with you? Ok, so how about I get in a fight with a bear and you make sure that she's nearby. I'll take my chances with a bear if I might get a chance to get me some of that.

Emmett
darkrider
Red-Eyed Vampire
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by darkrider »

Alcyone wrote:
Doodle wrote:I'm pretty. Like very pretty, but Edward doesn't think so and I don't understand. How do I get him to think I'm pretty, because I am.

- Rosalie
1. Put on white T-shirt.
2. Find bucket.
3. Fill with freezing cold water.
4. Literally. Freezing cold water.
5. Douse yourself with water.

-Tyler



LMFAOOOOOOOOOO! I actuallt loled at that tyler! lmaoooo!

__________
Hi, I got beat by my sister in-law at an arm wrestling match....how do I mend my ego?

-Emmett
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My twinnie and my fav twi guy=meteor
Randomness Reggie! BACK in...dark?
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Team Edmartt! <<for the clueless, edward+emmett
samajama
Finding Stuff in Billy's Trunk
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Post by samajama »

Well, that's simple. Just wait a year or so. You'll be stronger than me again, then.

-Bella



P.S. I love how appropriate my avie is. :lol:
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I'm really hot. I feel like a have a fever, and I just feel really, really sick. It's probably that stupid virus. I bet I got it from the Newton kid. Any advice?

-Jacob
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Team Edward Bringing sexy back since 1901. I'm on the ListV2 Sammy Whammy
Team "Screw you freaks; I want Ben!"...........Randomness Resident
LOVE MY TWINNIES: Mary and Shel <3
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