The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby KikiMasenCullen » Sat Mar 28, 2009 10:47 pm

Confused,

It is completely normal to not be sad...after all, you still love your mommy right. And, besides, your friends are always welcome here..

Know-It-All

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Dear TAC,

How do I tell my sister in law that Red is NOT her color? She constantly wears Red and I hate it!!!!! HELP!
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby TillyWhitlock » Sat Mar 28, 2009 10:50 pm

Fashonista,

Too bad. Red is my favorite color. It reminds me of a rose.

Flower


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear TAC,

My son is always listening to my mind. As much as I love him and understand, is there any way to get him to stop? It's getting annoying when I'm being intimate with my wife and I'm constantly worrying if he's listening to me.

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby KikiMasenCullen » Sat Mar 28, 2009 10:57 pm

Podunk,

No. I-I mean he-doesn't like it either, it's just something that happens. I'm sorry that it happens during "intimacy" but I can't control it...

Nosy Son

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Dear TAC,

I am absolutely 100% sure that my husband bought me ANOTHER car. Is there anyway to check? And how can I return it without hurting my beloved husband's feelings?

Anti-Car Person
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby TillyWhitlock » Sat Mar 28, 2009 11:00 pm

Anti-car,

Yes he got you a new car. However, you can't return it. It'll send him into a deep deep depression and he'll never come out of it. It'll be like the time you jumped off the cliff. He'll even consider going to Volterra again. Trust me, just grin and bear it.

Shorty.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

TAC,

My brother has the best Spanish in the house. I'm struggling with mine, but I can't ask him because he'll laugh at me. Should I go to the one who lived in Mexico for a while?

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby KikiMasenCullen » Sat Mar 28, 2009 11:07 pm

Teddy,

Dios mio, mi hermano....good lord! Just come and ask him nicely, he'll help you-if you stop wrestling with his wife!!!!

Spanish Speaking Brother

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TAC,

I want my parents to stop nagging me about my friend. I like him, he's cute and fuzzy! But, my question is, why do we live in Forks? Why can't we just live at the beach?

Frustrated Kid
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby skylarblue » Tue Apr 07, 2009 3:57 pm

Frustrated Kid,

If your "friend" is as warm and fuzzy as you described it would be really uncomfortable for him to live at the beach. It does get kind of warm there.

Also, the reason we live in Forks is because our family can't really go out in the sun. If you've noticed our skin looks different when exposed to sunlight so I don't think it would be a good idea.

Leader of the Clan
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Dear TAC,

Everyone in my family thinks that I'm only interested in breaking down houses with my wife, arm wrestling with my sister-in-law or being the comic relief.

I need help to try and make everyone see that there is more to me than that. What should I do?

~More to Me than they Know
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby TillyWhitlock » Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:25 pm

Dear More to Me,

Trust me, the family knows that there is so much more to you than being the comic relief and wrestling with your sister in law and breaking down houses with your wife. You protect us and are willing to do anything if anyone tries to harm us. You are one of our first lines of defense. Trust me, you are well appreciated and we do love you.

He who Feels All.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dear TAC,

Everyone thinks that all I care about is Fashion. It's not true! But I need to convince my sister in law that there is more to the world than Jeans and Cotton shirts. Is there any way for her to see it without me sounding pushy?

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby JenTheWriter » Wed Apr 08, 2009 1:58 am

Dear Persistant,

Have you tried using a Jedi mind trick on her? I kid. Perhaps you're looking at this all backwards. If all your sister-in-law is interesting in is cotton and denim trying reworking her outfits with those materials in mind. Who knows, maybe denim jackets will make a huge comeback!

If all else fails stand near your husband and he will make everything better.

Sincerely,
Mellow Yellow

~*~

Dear TAC,

I'm frustrated. Normally, I'm very confident in my talent to take care of matters, but a situation has popped up and I'm blocked. No matter how hard I try to knock down this invisible barrier between me and my problem I can't. This wretched thing makes me question everything about myself and I hate that feeling. How do I overcome this feeling? How do I get to what I want?

Signed,
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby KikiMasenCullen » Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:55 pm

Pained,

Huh? What exactly is your problem, eh?

Signed,
Mind Reader

------------------------------------------

TAC,

There's this werewolf I know, and she's constantly thinking about things that we don't need to be thinking about....How do we make said werewolf see that we don't care what she's thinking about her ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend?

Sandy Werewolf
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Mrs.Edward_Cullen<3 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 10:15 pm

Sandy,
Hmm..here's a word of advice...why don't you shut your pretty little mouth the hell up and let her be. Uhh..I mean. Leave her alone. It's not her fault she's a female werewolf.
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