The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Alcyone » Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:30 pm

samajama wrote:I'm really hot. I feel like a have a fever, and I just feel really, really sick. It's probably that stupid virus. I bet I got it from the Newton kid. Any advice?

-Jacob


You need to sweat the fever away. Take a camera and start recording. Dance along. Try singing "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" with appropriate facial gestures and sound effects. The camera will suck away the fever. Then, just drop it off at the Newtons' shop with the tape. The tape is the important part.

-Not Mike
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby somethingblue » Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:24 am

I seem to be having a rather unsettling skin issue. My skin has become papery, much like that of an onion. Oh and I do so love to touch people. Strangers are just friends one has yet to meet. Do you have any advice for a dear friend like me? *twinkly eyes* I just want to bring peace, love and happiness to all of the people of the earth...even if I have to eat them to do that.

Aro
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Adam » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:06 am

Aro, The key to getting close enough to touch others despite your onion-like skin is quite simple. Just orient yourself with someone whose glowing aura of inner beauty and innocence will attract everyone within the city limits who sees her smile. You will then be free to touch whomever you like. :twisted:

- Jane
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Ouisa » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:31 am

Aro dahling it's easy to fix. Just get a stick and beat that dust off of yourself. (or have anna do it)
With love, Carmen and Eleazar


Okay not a Twilight one but a Host one.

Something is strange about my nasty neighbor. She used to be a really pain in my backside. Now she's [i] pleasant all the time! And there is something weird about her eyes. I think she got stunt contacts because they reflect back at me in the sunlight.

A concerned citizen.
Last edited by Ouisa on Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby somethingblue » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:31 pm

Ouisa wrote:
Something is strange about my nasty neighbor. She used to be a really pain in my backside. Now she's [i] pleasant all the time! And there is something weird about her eyes. I think she got stunt contacts because they reflect back at me in the sunlight.

A concerned citizen.


Dear concerned citizen,

We are having a meeting tonight at the town hall about this exact issue and we would love for you to come. Please join us and find true peace.

Most sincerely, Your Neighbor

PS If you could make sure to shower and also put a little iodine on the back of your neck, that would be greatly appreciated!
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Alcyone » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:07 pm

It seems my husband is always off being compassionate somewhere. How can I get him to stay home and satisfy my passionate love?

-Esme
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Ouisa » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:14 pm

EW Moooooooooooooooooooommy!
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Imagine » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:31 pm

How do I get my husband to stop playing video games and wrestling with his brother and pay attention to me? Because I am so beautiful and I need attention!
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Alcyone » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:42 pm

Imagine wrote:How do I get my husband to stop playing video games and wrestling with his brother and pay attention to me? Because I am so beautiful and I need attention!
Rosalie


I already told you! Wet t-shirt! White wet t-shirt! And take pictures! LOTS of pictures! *screaming* LOTS OF THEM!

-Tyler
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Ouisa » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:52 pm

There is this blond girl with huge......eyes. I mean these eyes are perfect you know...round and firm no no not firm um....golden. And she wore this red dress to prom and something happened when I looked at her.....you know....ummmm.....is this normal
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