She doesn't demean women, I never ever said that. I just said that it was interesting, to me, that the woman who gets everything she wants is classically feminine, while the women who are left wanting are not, they are stronger in a much more obvious way than Bella, and arguably stronger in general, and they have also stood up to Bella.
I see what you mean about Edward and Jacob, but I disagree. I think that she got away with it because they saw her as weak, and so they repeatedly forgive her and let stuff she does slide, because they both know she "needs" them.
I don't really get your point in the second paragraph of your post. I think being a mother, especially being a good one, is the hardest thing to do ever. Period. No questions asked. I don't like some of the messages that I pick up in the books, but I enjoy the story and I enjoy the characters.
I don't understand your question at all.
Rosalie is strong because she voices her opinions. She has her moral standards, she CAN take care of herself whether or not she chooses to, and she is also strong enough to stand up for what she believes is right, i.e. voting AGAINST Bella becoming a vampire because she didn't think it was right to give up humanity. But she's also strong enough to make herself vulnerable to possibly help another person, i.e. telling Bella her story in Eclipse. She definitely has her weaknesses, but she also has her voice. She doesn't hide behind others and rely on them to take care of her, and when the going gets tough, she can handle it. But again, as I said to amethyst, she really wasn't my main example.
Leah. I find it really offensive that because she's a "child" in your eyes (since when is twenty-some a child?) her pain and what she's been through don't mean anything. She's not ONLY lost Sam, but she lost him not because of anything that happened between the two of them but because of imprinting, and she lost him to her cousin. As far as she knows, or any of us know, without imprinting, she would still have Sam AND Emily. Apparently you think Sam was just another relationship, but it wasn't. It's made pretty clear in the books that it was a pretty darn serious relationship. She's also lost her father, become a wolf, had to deal with the thoughts of Sam about Emily and about her, watched Jacob, someone who she cares about, allow himself to be jerked around by Bella, who is breaking his heart by her intent to join the vampires. The very same vampires who showed up, triggered the werewolf gene which triggered Sam's change, which brought him to imprinting on Emily. She also knows that she DOESN'T have her whole life in front of her. She will never have children, as it stands. She has to grapple with her theory that she wasn't "feminine" enough. She has to wonder why she wasn't good enough to pass on the wolf gene. She doesn't know if she will ever imprint, and not only will it be rough on a relationship that she's a wolf and can't tell her partner, but there's always the fear that she will imprint and have to leave her significant other. So yeah, I figure her pain is a little bit more complex than Bella's. And she got through all that without collapsing the way Bella did, without leaning on other people, she didn't have a choice. Me, I would have left the rez and gone somewhere else. But she put up with her pain to take care of her mother and Seth. She's working through that. She's had to become strong in herself.
Victoria. She didn't just go on a fly off the handle attack on Bella and Edward. She put a lot of thought into and a lot of organization. Her strength was misdirected, maybe, but it was strength nonetheless.
Bella has gotten herself to Hell and been brought back by someone stronger and more capable than herself. I can think of only one example of her having strength herself, and that is her decision not to abort her pregnancy. She is strong only when she is dependent upon someone else, she has very little strength in her own right as far as I can see.
death cannot stop true love, it can only delay it for a while...