The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby cullengirl » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:51 pm

Misfit- I hope you had an awesome time. You're pictures are awesome! Keep them coming!

Variety- Love the eye patch!

Hope: You're story broke my heart too. I applaud your strength to get back up on your feet again. I know it's not easy.

Hope's story reminded me of a heart break that I endured in college actually. There was a guy that I liked in high school for about 2 yrs. I'm a shy gal (yes, really) so I find it hard to approach someone and strike a conversation, especially if it's someone that I find interesting. Anyway, I began to discover things about him- hobbies, where he lived (he was a new student jr year in high school), his parents, etc. I found out that he also went to the same mosque. Needless to say, I started to like him more and finally worked up the courage to talk to him. After some searching :geek: , I found out where he went to college and wrote him an email. The email explained that I graduated with him, liked his poem he wrote for our school magazine, and like to talk to him about it. A few emails were passed back and forth, then it was IM and finally I had enough courage to talk to him in passing. I didn't know what to make of the situation and thought he liked me too. He gave me mixed signals: wanting my picture to remember me from high school (which I found odd because everyone had a yearbook), getting an email that said he wanted to TXT me on his phone, and other weird things.

Long story short, I asked him if he was seeing anyone. He told me he got engaged. Will be married in about 2 yrs. I was devasted. All I could think of was: "Why?" "Why didn't I get to him faster?" "What's she got that I don't have?" I had a thing for this guy for about 4 yrs and in a brief conversation it was over. Once my period of rotating every The Smiths and The Cure cd I had and banning romantic comedies were over, I was ok. The weird part is his mom and my mom are friends. My mom sees his mother frequently. The wedding did happen and my parents were invited. I wouldn't want to go if I was invited.

This is one of the major reasons why I cried several times in Eclipse and why I empathize with Jake. Reading Jacob's heartache when Bella tells him that it's over before anything began, his relentless pursuit of Bella even though she is taken, comparing himself to Edward, receiving their wedding invitation, etc. that all reopened the wound. I found myself going through the same motions as he did.

Looking back, I was a fool with rose tinted glasses that didn't see the clear signs that he wasn't interested. I also failed to process that his poem was actually really bad and that the editors didn't even want it to be published! I haven't faced him since our last encounter at the mosque, which only happend by chance.

On this somber note, I would like to ask a new question: How do you get over a heart-break/ break-up?
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby VampSiren » Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:38 pm

Hello All!!!!!

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the planet - YET! With homeschool back in session, soccer in full swing for two kids, working at the stables and arranging for lessons, church activities, blah, blah, blah...by the time I've got any time to chat or post...I'm exhausted or it's too late my time!! Our college kid is doing great and this college-mom isn't falling apart at all - shocking, given that I cry at sentimental commercials!! He's enjoying his classes, really likes his roommates, and isn't getting too much sleep on the weekends, I'm told. So far, I'm being really good and am NOT calling him more than once a week on Sundays...even though I'm dying to know all the daily details of his classes, cute girls, fun activities and such. Unfortunately, I now have to wait until he'll tell me!! :cry:

I've only read some of the posts here, but I wanted to check in and give a big shout-out to all my Lex friends! Can't wait to see more of Misfit's photos - glad he's back in town and the family is still intact. I swear, sometimes family vacations are so much work you need a vacation after the vacation!! I started calling a family vacation a 'family trip' instead of vacation because it WASN'T a vacay for me at all - it was work!

Saw something about how did we meet our significant others...I was in high school. I was a cheerleader; he was on the football team. We met at a football dinner/party that the cheer team would host for the players. We dated through high school and on and off until we married in our early twenties. Four kids and 21 years later we're still checkin' each other out and feelin' pretty lucky :twisted:

Glad to be back 'on board' again, even if momentarily!
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby xhopeonaropex » Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:27 am

GNE, BAC, CullenGirl, Olleander I really appreciate what you wrote :]. It's still hard sometimes, especially when watching romance movies. Becoming Jane had me in tears for two days. But I keep my chin up because there's more to life than one sees and experiences. I am excited to visit my mom after 3 yrs ( I of course put the past behind me on what she did) And to answer Oleander's statement : There's no chance in this life that I can be with him again. I wouldn't accept it. And I don't regret my decision. The choice i made was not the wrong one, and I had a second chance to live with a "normal" parent (my dad) and having a "normal" life.(minus the wicked stepmom who I nicknameed Cruella for the heck of it :P). Bottom line, I think the heartbreak that happened was enough for us to know it wasn't meant to be. And anyways I'm only 20 so I still got a long way to go :D.

Misfit The pictures are AMAZING!!!! and I can't wait for the rest. I hope you rest well enough to be back on the boards more often.

And to answer cullengirl's question: I think to vent is very important. Don't keep your sadness in. I know people always say "BE strong and don't shed tears". Being strong is important, but in the end we are human and need to let go of compressed emotions. So let it out, then be strong. Also, keep your faith strong in whatever or whoever you believe in. I'm Muslim so I believe in God. And I believe that when you always have even a glimpse of hope and faith in your heart, you'll find it easy for your smile to be back on your face.Also, find things to keep you busy : Be around people, have certain hobbies, etc... For me, when I came here it was through singing in show choir in high school. And reading books to escape to other worlds. And always tell yourself that it's never the end of the world. Life will go on and your wound will mend with time. :] I guess that's my answer.

Hopefully I'll be back on here tomorrow,

Hope <3
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby Tamalyn » Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:45 am

Hope- your story really touched my heart, because it’s so close to some of my own personal experiences. Keep your chin up, sweetheart. Even if it feels like it can never get better, it can. I promise.

How has Twilight Enriched/changed my life?

Ohhh, where to begin? Hahaha.

I first became aware of the saga at a really, really dark time in my life. My high school sweetheart had been in a car accident, and died. It was his senior year; we were 17. He was [excuse my cheesiness] my perfect match. He was my Edward - handsome, sweet, chivalrous, funny - and somehow, amazingly, he loved me too. It would be an understatement to say that his death messed me up. I had loved him. I had seen us possibly having a future together, and in the space of a few days, I felt as though my whole life, my whole future had been extinguished. I felt dead.


I stopped eating. I couldn’t sleep. After the funeral, I didn’t really hear people when they spoke; I have only brief glimpses of memory of what happened in the months after. It was like moving underwater, through quicksand. Everything hurt.

I was kind of unravelling; I had lost my faith in God, faith in myself, faith in people, and especially my faith in love.

New Moon is my favorite book in the series for what are probably pretty obvious reasons by now. Every second that Bella endures after Edward leaves – the numbness, the meaningless passage of time, the hollow ache, and the feeling of being broken & unrepairable, her nightmares… it was like reading the story of my own life and loss.

And oddly, beautifully, it helped me finally let go. My BF’s death had happened in 2003; I read New Moon in 2007. I had gotten back on my feet in most ways by then. I had started talking to my friends again, started eating/sleeping normally, the nightmares had stopped, and I had even made a few visits to his grave without crying. I had tried to go back to church, and had found some peace with myself and with God, but I was positive that I would never be the same, and that SURELY I could never love anyone the way I had loved him.

But reading New Moon opened my eyes to the fact that life really does go on, and that fate isn’t so cruel as to only let us experience one love in our lifetimes. I’ve been single since his death, but the Twilight series opened my eyes back up to the reality of love, and the many chances that we have in our lives to experience it.

Lastly, it got me writing again. I finally felt ok just picking up a pen and letting my soul spill onto the paper. I hadn’t done that in years. I hadn’t felt passionately about anything in years. Twilight, and New Moon especially, finally woke me up.

Thanks, Stephenie, for that. :)

cullengirl wrote:How do you get over a heart-break/ break-up?
You just keep breathing. Once you get past that hurdle, try to keep busy. After that, keep going. Be you. Remember who you were before him, before the breakup; get back into your old hobbies, get to know yourself again.

Talk about it. Tell someone about it. (even if it’s just your diary.)

Let yourself feel the pain, let yourself miss him, grieve his absence, his betrayal, whatever happened that tore you two apart. Pain is an essential part of love; you can know you truly loved by how much you hurt when it’s over.

It’ll get better. I promise.

EDIT! - a great read for post-breakup blues - "It's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt. It's one of my favorites.
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby xhopeonaropex » Wed Sep 17, 2008 3:04 am

Tamalyn - Your story has brought me to tears. Even though my guy didn't die, but the fact of me not being able to see him anymore to feel him, to hear his voice, to know he's ok. It broke me. And the first six months were hard. Like you, I was like Bella. I wanted to hear his voice and see him in my head. The nightmares were excrutiating. I didn't talk to family or friends. My room was my best friend , you can say. I also have a very great friend of mine who is going through what you have gone through. She used to live in Massachussetts ad moved to CA 2 yrs ago. Back home she left the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Last month, she found out he had an accident and died. She's been devastated and in deep depression. I've been trying whatever I can to help her go through it. Because I don't want ehr to go through this alone. And I let her vent and it's been helping her get better and actually sleep. I do feel bad that I'm going to have to leave for 5 weeks and not help her through that time. But I will try to make contact with her as much as possible. I'm so glad you were able to go through that time and be able to stand tall in the end. I mean don't get me wrong, I had my weak moments where I felt i just wanted to die and had no reason to live for anymore. But eventually the faith kicked in. haha. But if you have any advice for me to help my friend, please let me know. I want to help her as much as I can right now :]

Hope <3
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby oleander » Wed Sep 17, 2008 7:13 am

Okay, normally after reading the gutter at work i'm mopping up my monitor or my keyboard. today it's my eyes. i hope no one comes into my office right now...i'm bawling like a baby.

so much heartache in one spot, yet so much courage. Hope and Tamalyn you are made of stronger stuff than I and I thank you for sharing your heartbreak. It puts mine into perspective, and gives me hope. I want to believe there's more than one love allowed for each of us, I desperately want to believe it.

NM was also my favourite book because I have felt Bella's pain in the past and while dredging it back up again seemed so re-open the wound, it has also helped me heal. Sometime when I have a few minutes i'll tell my pathetic story of love (and hair) lost.
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby Spooncha » Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:43 am

Tamalyn and Hope: I'm sorry for all the pain you've had and wish you all the best in what's to come.

Makes the story of BDE and myself seem positively goofy: we met over sunbathing and naked burritos. :shock:

I saw him sunbathing outside an apartment building I was thinking of moving into when I met the landlord there for a tour (the view was very, very nice, I must say). Then, caught him off guard when I knocked on his door (which was across the hall from mine--aaaah...convenience!) to introduce myself. He was eating and getting ready to go at the same time (hence the naked burritos), so he opened the door wrapped in a blanket...and not a darned thing else. :twisted: A few months later, he won me over with a song. We've been together for fourteen years.
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby oleander » Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:54 am

Spooncha wrote:Tamalyn and Hope: I'm sorry for all the pain you've had and wish you all the best in what's to come.

Makes the story of BDE and myself seem positively goofy: we met over sunbathing and naked burritos. :shock:

I saw him sunbathing outside an apartment building I was thinking of moving into when I met the landlord there for a tour (the view was very, very nice, I must say). Then, caught him off guard when I knocked on his door (which was across the hall from mine--aaaah...convenience!) to introduce myself. He was eating and getting ready to go at the same time (hence the naked burritos), so he opened the door wrapped in a blanket...and not a darned thing else. :twisted: A few months later, he won me over with a song. We've been together for fourteen years.


that's fantastic! why can't i have naked burrito-eating men in my neighbourhood? :)
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby una » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:46 pm

Hi All, I have missed you and this Lilac Screen of Death immensely! Hubby and I took a couple days off and went fishing around June Lake (north of Mammoth, California, 8,000 feet above sea level). However with all the storms and the train crashes, you were all in my prayers and I'm relieved to see you are all alright!

Thank you for sharing all the great meeting stories and others, even the heart breaking ones. For the gutter, I was amazed how teary-eyed I got!

So much to catch up on! Suffice to say, I met my hubby at college. Thought he was chasing after my roommate (because men were always coming over to chase after Lupe) but turns out he was there to escape his horrible living conditions and knew Lupe from summer camp. Lupe had a habit of inviting any and everyone she knew over to our tiny house we rented. But we met and fell in love!

My only heartbreak was my first love. I did what most gals, I think, do which is cry...a lot. I was so horribly crushed by him. This was in high school, I was a Senior and he was a Junior. I graduated and during the summer, he broke my heart. I will never forget the words, "We are fundamentally different. It is over." He was so cold, I was SO hurt. We had all the same friends so I felt completely abandoned. After long cries, listening to music and throwing myself into school (community college) and my internship, I worked through it. Like in the movie, "French Kiss", one day I finally woke up and couldn't remember his exact eye color, couldn't hear his voice, he had finally left me and I was able to begin again. Took me about a year though...but I was definitely stronger and wiser after and much more careful with my heart. However, my friends accused me of being a serial dater for a while but it paid off. Dated a few, ok, several guys, went off to University and found my true love.
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Re: The Gutter Gals & Co. --Innuendo thread for the "older" fan

Postby jenni_elyse » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:55 pm

How do you get over a heartbreak/breakup?

This is a great question. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I don't have an answer for it because I've never broken up with anyone. My husband was my first and only boyfriend and he was the first and only person I've ever kissed.

Well...I guess I've never dealt with a romantic breakup, but I've had my share of heartbreaks and breakups of other natures, such as losing a dear friend or family member. It's really tough to keep moving on. Some days, I just want to give up and do nothing. But, as I believe in God, I know He wouldn't want me to waste away to nothing. And, because of my love for Him and my desire to not disappoint Him, I just keep trying because I think that's the only thing you can do. Don't try to act as if something never happened because then you won't deal with the pain or hurt and someday, it'll consume you. (I know as it has happened to me.) It's okay to be sad, angry, hurt, etc. Those are all human emotions we're meant to experience. As my counselor has said, the only time it doesn't become okay is if you let yourself get stuck. You just need to keep moving forward, whether it be at a snail's pace or a cheetah's.
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