True Love? Reality or Myth

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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Dxplora07 » Tue Aug 04, 2009 3:56 pm

MiVidaLoca wrote:I just had my 9 year anniversary last month, together for 11. Got together when I was 19 and he was 20


in your experience, is this the case? he warm and fuzzy feelin fades, and the trust stays?
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby The Dark Knight » Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:54 am

Dxplora07 wrote:
MiVidaLoca wrote:I just had my 9 year anniversary last month, together for 11. Got together when I was 19 and he was 20


in your experience, is this the case? he warm and fuzzy feelin fades, and the trust stays?


It comes and goes like the moon. Often you just coast for a while and then a few months of hot and heavy then back to coasting...Besides there are a lot of things to distract you...Kids for one... :D
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby MiVidaLoca » Wed Aug 05, 2009 2:48 pm

Dxplora07 wrote:
MiVidaLoca wrote:I just had my 9 year anniversary last month, together for 11. Got together when I was 19 and he was 20


in your experience, is this the case? he warm and fuzzy feelin fades, and the trust stays?


Mine is hard to say. I think my husband and I got together more on lust then love. We knew each other for 2 years before hooking up, but it was a traumatic experience we went through together (pretty bad car accident) that made us admit we liked each other. But we more so had an intense physical attraction for each other. Even as friends we had a love hate friendship and as a couple it's much of the same. It has taken A LOT of work to make it this far and to be honest I am not sure good relationships should take THIS much work.

All relationships take work, I mean I have talked to couples that have been married 40+ years and have wonderful marriages, all of them said it wasn't with out many bumps in the road but that at least 70-80% of the time things are really good. So the positive outweighs the negative.

It's important not to let the warm fuzzy feeling to fade out completely. If things are dull and your feeling complacent than do things to bring the spark back. Go on dates, go on a weekend away, take the time to recharge things.

Like life, it's all a learning experience. If I were to divorce my husband and get out there again I would do so much differently, I have learned so much in the past 11 years about my self and relationships. I can see what I did wrong and so on.

Not sure if I answered the question or just rambled on LOL sorry.
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Kris M » Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:45 pm

MiVidaLoca wrote:It comes and goes like the moon. Often you just coast for a while and then a few months of hot and heavy then back to coasting...Besides there are a lot of things to distract you...Kids for one... :D


I totall agree...it comes and goes.

I have been married for almost 12 years and it is really hard with 3 kids and life in general distracting you. But we are still very passionate and I honestly believe that my husband is my "true love". We tell each other "I love you" at least 2-3 times a day, he kisses me everytime he leaves or vice-versa and if I get dressed to go somewhere, he'll still tell me how pretty I look with a little grin on his face(it's really cute). All the "butterflies" in the stomach aren't around as nearly as much, if at all....but it's still wonderful.

As far as love at first sight....I don't really believe in that. I had to weed through many of frogs to find my husband....I was 22 when we met and he was 25.
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Dxplora07 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 9:44 pm

i think you both did a lovely job of answering the question, I agree, relationships are hard, and they take work to keep up...it just further reinforces my opinion that true love, in the way Twilight presents it, does not exist. but, it's hard to compare, because Bella and Edwards circumstances are so extraordinary, a bond like that can't be really compared to, because it would never happen in real life. :)
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Asheleyo » Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:05 pm

It's hard to compare two years of on and off time together with years and years of marriage. It took two or three years for the high to wear off in my relationship. I've been married three years and together for five. And it is more comfortable now, without the crazy high, as enjoyable as that was. I think things always calm down, but not in a bad way.
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Stars did fly toward each other, irresistibly, as if they were falling in love. And millions of years later, lovers on Earth drew together and fell in love, watching the stars fall.
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Starla » Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:01 am

I believe true love exists,though not in the form we are led to believe it does. I don't, however, believe in soulmates or unconditional love (unless you are perhaps talking about a parent/child connection)

There are always conditions to love. Whether it be bad hygiene, cheating or finding out that your partner is a secret serial killer. Everbody has a limit of which they will say 'no more'. In a lucky situation, perhaps it will never be discovered what that limit is but I still believe it is there.

The idea of soulmates is essentially tragic, imo. If you never meet your soulmate, are you destined to forever be unfulfilled? What if your soulmate dies young, or you never meet them? It's depressing to think that we need one particular person before we feel complete or whole.

I follow Darwin's theory. We are animals. Though more refined and cultured, we are still biological creatures. The difference between us and wild animals is that we have developed an understanding of the world around us. We thrive on answers and so we have discovered and developed intelligence that allows us to make conscious choices.

There are stories of people who without any attraction between them, have started friendships that have developed into a romantic relationship.

The question isn't easily answered because no two people are the same. To say there is such a thing as 'true love' sets up an ideal that is entirely singular to me. What I require from a partner might make another person question my sanity, (or humanity ;) ) though another might completely agree and understand my desires.

So while I believe that true love exists, I think it is a product of the choices we make rather than something, or someone, that is placed in our lives. To me, true love takes many forms. The love I feel for my mother/sister/brothers/best friend is true so I have to question why such emphasis is placed upon romantic love?

Is it because we are filled with ideas of completion, of finding our purpose when we meet 'the one', or is it because our purpose is soley to reproduce? It's the nature vs nuture debate in an entirely different form.

If we never had books and stories of true love, then would we still, as a society, place so much value on it? But it can be asked that if true love doesn't exist, what motivations did those authors, artists, playwrites have in the first place?

In my opinion, true love is something that must be crafted and worked for and we earn it by learning to develop patience, communication, understanding, compassion. Some do this with one partner, others have to kiss a few frogs ( :mrgreen: ) but overall, I think that to gain a love that can be defined as true, takes a lot of years and hard work.
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Angelvamp » Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:35 am

Starla brings up some excellent points, and very well worded at that! Good call on the tragedy of "soulmate". The idea sort of negates any other romantic relationship and that is another tragedy. I am curious as to why this particular unicorn (aka true love) is such a popular quarry. Where did this idea come from? Were the humanoids 30,000 years ago as obsessed with this idea as we in modern society are? Does the idea stem from a basic human desire of acceptance, true love being the ultimate culmination of that desire?

As animals, humans are social but they do not mate for life, as the case with some animals. In fact, most social animals develop a hierarchy to establish mating patterns within their group or family. Since human "groups" are so numbered and diverse, what hierarchy do we follow or do we have one at all? And how does true love help achieve this or not?
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby The Dark Knight » Fri Aug 07, 2009 9:24 am

Angelvamp wrote:Starla brings up some excellent points, and very well worded at that! Good call on the tragedy of "soulmate". The idea sort of negates any other romantic relationship and that is another tragedy. I am curious as to why this particular unicorn (aka true love) is such a popular quarry. Where did this idea come from? Were the humanoids 30,000 years ago as obsessed with this idea as we in modern society are? Does the idea stem from a basic human desire of acceptance, true love being the ultimate culmination of that desire?

As animals, humans are social but they do not mate for life, as the case with some animals. In fact, most social animals develop a hierarchy to establish mating patterns within their group or family. Since human "groups" are so numbered and diverse, what hierarchy do we follow or do we have one at all? And how does true love help achieve this or not?



Here's one point of view, from a guy even, the pursuits of "true love" is only possible when leisure time is available. So, only those cultures advanced enough to produce more than there needs are can even attempt such discussion. That coupled with ideals that started in the late middle ages of chivalry and courtly love we start to have poets and troubadours that get people thinking about True Love.

This leads to the age of enlightenment where education and knowledge is spread widely. It starts people wondering about their love interest. During this time arranged marriages are still common and divorce is unheard of. So how do they find true love? They write about it and dream about it till the cultures they live in change their views. This basically takes till the Victorian Era to occur. Yes it occurs on occasion but by in large marriage is a business contract and little to do with love. There the revival of the Chivalry and Courtly love is transformed into the modern view we have today. True love is available if you can just find that person.

Now for Soul mates, all love has in it the seeds of tragedy. It’s one of the panicles of virtues that we strive for but often fall short on. The concept of having your other half born near enough to you so that you can find them is hard to fathom. That does not mean it can’t happen just not likely. Who knows you might get another chance next time…
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Re: True Love? Reality or Myth

Postby Angelvamp » Fri Aug 07, 2009 9:44 am

The Dark Knight wrote:Here's one point of view, from a guy even, the pursuits of "true love" is only possible when leisure time is available. So, only those cultures advanced enough to produce more than there needs are can even attempt such discussion. That coupled with ideals that started in the late middle ages of chivalry and courtly love we start to have poets and troubadours that get people thinking about True Love.

This leads to the age of enlightenment where education and knowledge is spread widely. It starts people wondering about their love interest. During this time arranged marriages are still common and divorce is unheard of. So how do they find true love? They write about it and dream about it till the cultures they live in change their views. This basically takes till the Victorian Era to occur. Yes it occurs on occasion but by in large marriage is a business contract and little to do with love. There the revival of the Chivalry and Courtly love is transformed into the modern view we have today. True love is available if you can just find that person.

Now for Soul mates, all love has in it the seeds of tragedy. It’s one of the panicles of virtues that we strive for but often fall short on. The concept of having your other half born near enough to you so that you can find them is hard to fathom. That does not mean it can’t happen just not likely. Who knows you might get another chance next time…


Wow! A true love discussion with a guy even! We here on the Lex are fortunate. :mrgreen:

I'm not so sure about advanced cultures having a monopoly on true love. The legends of the Quiluetes talk about the Third Wife and Native Americans are thought to have a similar culture to ancient man. And it is suspected that even hunter-gatherers had more free time than we modern people do.

You're probably right about the Victorian era as being the start of our modern idea of true love. I'm not sure that marriage and true love were mutually inclusive though, especially in the times of arranged marriages.

I love that, "All love has in it the seeds of tragedy." Is that a quote or all yours? It's really rather lovely. And, of course, true. I think that's one of the reasons why Bella's and Edward's tale of true love is so compelling.
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