The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby Hyvanna » Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:23 pm

(Thankya and Welcome Back)(this is a fun thread)

Dear Charles in Charge

I'm blind to all the fact, but I can say, No dont come over...uhh I mean no I would not advise you to take that kind of action you'd just brake your foot...uhh I mean you would push your daughter away like that give her some time to enjoy her married life.. Stay away from the big white house...uuuh I mean If she pulls though...errrr If she needs you she'll contact you.
The All Seeing Alice.

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I need a bit of help, Ok so I wokeup today so thrisy but every kind of drink makes me throwup and eatting does too. This boy keeps trying to tell me that what I want is the blood of this certain girl an for some weird reason her red shirt smells sooooo mouthwatering.*sniff shirt* What should I do? *sniff shirt** Mmmm I WANT IT, IT'S MINE, WHERE IS IT!*, *snif shirt*
So Thirsty Bree.
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby samajama » Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:51 pm

So Thirsty Bree,

Do it. Ahem.. I mean. Um. Keep sniffing that shirt. And if you, I don't know, happen to ... let's say ... bite this girl, it's OKAY! It's all good. No problem AT ALL. ...then I have an excuse to kick your sorry a...nyway, it's TOTALLY a GREAT idea to keeping sniff, sniff, sniffing that shirt. Do it, do it, do it! ( :lol: )

Sincerely,
Alpha Dog
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TAC:
So...I'm kind of concerned for my bro. I mean, he just got married, right. And he hasn't, you know, done anything with his wife. I mean, I keep asking him what's wrong and whatever. But he's like, "Chill, dude." So I'm like, "Dude, but you're not getting any. That's not cool, bro." I mean, he can't be doing it without breaking the foundation on that little cottage, can he? Weird, man. So, what should I do? The poor kid hasn't gotten laid for over a century, how can I help him?!

Em
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby eliselovesedwardx » Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:34 pm

Dear Em,

I think you're brother is going about his marriage in a different way than you would. But that is just his style. You two seem very different and seem to have different views, but that is fine. The young couple will eventually get to that stage when they are ready. And don't forget they have an extra body in the family, that makes a difference, too.
Just leave them be and have your own fun.

Sincerly,
The Loving Mother

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Dear TAC,

I am getting worried for my husband. For a few decades he's been the strongest in our family but now his brother has a n ew wife and she is now the strongest. He doesn't comprehend that she won't be forever but he is still determined to try to beat her in arm-wrestling matches, over and over and over again. But he just can't beat her. Not yet anyway. How can I make him understand to just leave it for now and wait a year or so and let it be?

~Worried Wife
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby samajama » Sun Oct 04, 2009 3:24 pm

Worried Wife,

I AM THE CHAMPION!! *flexes* Who's your daddy?! 8-)

-Teddy Bear
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TAC:
My husband has the ability to change others' moods. Now, usually this is a good thing but.... I think he's abusing his power. Ahem. If you know what I mean. Let's just say no one in the house seems to be learning new languages anymore. Hmm. Now that I think about it, it isn't really a problem... Although now I've got no time to clean the house!

Help? Or something.

-Promiscuous Pixie ( :lol: I'm so lame.)
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby skylarblue » Mon Oct 05, 2009 11:31 pm

Dear Pixie,

Don't complain! It seems that everyone is so much happier now, especially Eddie, now that he's gettin some. So just relax and enjoy it while it lasts cause in this family sometimes happiness doesn't last too long.

~The House Destroyer and loving it
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Dear TAC,

I'm having this problem with my husband. It seems that he is not acting like himself lately. He is usually always in the mood for....well you know and he is always running around the house cracking jokes, picking on my sister-in-law and hanging out with our neice. Lately things have changed and he's become more introverted and not really interested in anything anymore.

I'm wondering if he's getting tired of being around us all the time and needs his space or is it just me.

~A Rose is still a rose
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby eliselovesedwardx » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:11 am

Dear A Rose is still a rose,

Are you sure you're looking at the right person? Because I have inside source of another couple exeriencing this problem and insider info that another member of the family is still playing up and teasing the sister-in-law and brother.
I think you should just check that you have the right person and not seeing someone else instead.

~The Teased

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Dear TAC,

My wife and I have 5 "adopted" children and have recently "adopted" another. We love our children very much but most of them are hitting the 50 and over age, and still live at home and aren't showing any signs of moving out permantently any time soon.
How can my wife and I get the house to ourselves finally?

~Compassionate One
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby samajama » Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:43 pm

Compassionate One,

Um. Yeah.. I don't think we're ever going to really leave. I mean...You can always move out, couldn't you? :D

-The Kids

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TAC:

Okay, so here's my problem. There's this chick in my Bio class and she smells SO GOOD. Like, I could BITE her! Mmm. So good. But like, I dunno. Normally, I'm just like whatever toward chicks. So this is weird. What should I do?

Eddie Masen
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby skylarblue » Tue Oct 06, 2009 3:45 pm

Dear Eddie,
Well, we all know it's not nice to bite but for some reason I think this girl would actually want you too. I hope that you can restrain yourself because if you bit her it probably wouldn't be a good thing for your family. So maybe you just need to take some time off from school and visit some friends up in the mountains and do some hunting.
~Doctor Love
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Dear TAC,

I have this new friend who just moved here from out of state. I like her alot but I don't think that she even notices I exist. She's constantly telling me that I should ask out our other friend but I don't really want to. Lately, I noticed that this freak has been constantly watching her as if she's something to eat. I really want to confront him about this but I'm actually scared of his older, bigger brother.

Please Help Me! I don't know what I should do.

~Scared in Forks
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby eliselovesedwardx » Wed Oct 07, 2009 2:41 am

Dear Scared in Forks,

I think you should just leave the new girl and just go with the other one. She is really nice and really likes you and you two will be really happy together. And he doesn't look at me - I mean her - like she's somethign to eat. He's just worried baout her safety.
And I wouldn't try to confront him, it might not end well from him or his older brother.

~The New One
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Dear TAC,
A new girl just moved here and she's not really that pretty or interesting but al lthe guys at school are panting after her like she's some shiny new toy. Especially this guy I really like. Before she came there was something kinda going on between us but then she turned up and all of a sudden all his attention shifted to her. It is so annoying! And to make it worse, the HOTTEST guy in the school is even noticing her! AND HE NEVER NOTICES ANYONE!!!!!!
I still really like this guy but he won't give any time for me anymore. How can I get his attention back?

~Left Behind
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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version

Postby bronzehairedmiracle » Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:09 pm

Dear Left Behind....

Three words: SUCK.IT.UP.
High School's not gonna last forever and you REALLY need to grow up.


Ever yours
TAC

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear TAC

OK...So I am a doctor and I'm kinda hot...no scratch that,I'm Really, Really hot. This causes problems at work when nurses don't do what they are supposed to be doing. All I want to do is be compassionate and save the world but that's kind of a problem when people are hitting on you right, left and centre. Also, my wife is not too thrilled with this( :roll: ). So what do I do? Help...

Sincerely
Not-Your-Average-Doctor
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