Twilight Skits

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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby rapid_reader1 » Sat Jun 05, 2010 11:28 am

I will absoluely post soon! But at the moment, I'm off to go read Bree Tanner! Chao!
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Cullen_Lover » Sat Jun 05, 2010 1:31 pm

Is Bree Tanner out already??????!!!!!! Must get!
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby rapid_reader1 » Sat Jun 05, 2010 5:23 pm

Well it's out in bookstores today, online in two days. Sigh. Of COURSE it comes out on a Monday!

So I didn't actually buy it today. I'll buy it soon though.

SKIT TIME!!!

*Mike is wearing a suit made of satin wrap*
Mike: Oh, I just love the circus! Don't you two???
PM: NO!
Voldy: Oh, yes, it's rather tasty-I mean delicious-I mean fun.
Mike: *twitchy eye* I TOTALLY AGREE! The popcorn is soooo tasty and delicious!
Voldy: Oh, yes, the popcorn...
PM: Okay, this is getting weird. What is so "tasty" and "delicious", Voldy?
Voldy: You will refer to me as FATHER. And I was talking about the popcorn, of course!
PM: Popcorn?
Voldy: Yes, popcorn!
PM: Are you sure you weren't talking about that girl down there?
Voldy: YOU SPOTTED HER TOO!?- I mean, what girl?
PM: Yeah, right, "what girl"... Hey, maybe I should go talk to her!
Mike: I don't think you should do that!
Voldy: Yes, look at Mikey's face! Can you resist such a face? You should NOT talk to her.
Mike: Exactly. You should talk to her Voldy!
Voldy: I should, shouldn't I?
Mike: YESSSS!
PM: Um, no, if I can't talk to her, no one can!
Mike: HARRY! DON'T TALK TO YOUR FATHER THAT WAY OR WE'LL HAVE TO CALL YOUR MOTHER!
PM: :shock: My mother!? Who's my mother!?
Mike: I don't actually know...
Voldy: Oh look, the show is starting!

Meanwhile...

*Em and Brit arrive at the circus*
Em: Oh look! The show's about to start!
Brit: Well let's go get some seats then!
*girls are unable to find seats*
Em: Well what now?
Brit: Let's go backstage and find Edward!
Em: That's a great idea!
Brit: I know it is! :D
*girls looking backstage for Edward*
Manager: Hello girls! What can I help you with?
Brit: Well, um, we were looking for-
Em: OUR TRUE LOVE, EDWARD!!! :D :D :D
Manager: Well then, do I have a gift for you! You see, this circus needs some new fans in the younger generations-
Em&Brit: Yes!
Manager: -and we thought that it would be great if one of our most treasured acts-
Em&Brit: YES!
Manager: -went on a date with two such lovely young women!
Em&Brit: YESSSSS!!!!
Manager: So how bout it girls?
Em&Brit: YESSSSSS!!!
Manager: Well, it's settled then! I'll just send you to Lary's room to get acquanted(sp?)!
Em&Brit: Lary?
Manager: Yes! Lary! The Human Sponge!
Em&Brit: *eyes twitching*
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Cullen_Lover » Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:39 pm

Haha! Yeah, as soon as I heard it was out I went out and bought it. Hee-hee, verrrrry happy, with it I also got The Forbidden Game by L.J Smith. Apparently it is about some creep-o who convinces this girl to buy a game, except the game is like haunted or something so during the game you must face your greatest phobias, or you die. Looks good. LOL, Lary the human sponge! Bwahaha!

.....................................................................................................................................................

Manager: So what are your name's ladies? Lary will just LOVE you!
Em: *twitch twitch* Eh- eh- eh- eh *twitch twitch*
*Brit smacks her in the back*
Em: MMA!*gives her a Look*Thanks.
Manager: And you?
Brit:Brittany.
Manager: Fantastic! Come on this way, right through this curtain.
Brit&Em: NOOOOOO WAY! EVER!
Manager: :P I know! I can't beleive this is happening either! This is great!

* Once outside the room door, Manager grabs the doorhandle of the room...*

Manager: Ladies, it is my great pleasure to present to you...LARY!
Brit&Em: O.M.D.E. :o

*Meanwhile Jacob has just POOFED into Le lapin Pourpre.*

Jacob: My Nessie senses are tingling! She was here!
Voicecomin'fromabove: *creepily talking and crazy laughing to himself*
Jacob: What the? *Looks up* WOAH!
Voicecomin'fromabove: Heh heh, wuzzup?
Jacob: Manager?! Is that you? What are you DOING?
Manager: I dunno. I got bored, I climbed onto the roof.
Jacob: *suspiciously*Whyyyyyy?
Manager: Look around genius! There is absolutely NO buisness. After the Purple Bunnies left this place has been dead.
Jacob: But you had buisness before, why not now?
Manager: Well I think that has to do with the Bella and Edward shaped hole in the concrete outside :(
Jacob: What happened to the hole?
Manager: :cry: Nothing! It is because of that stupid circus! Now that's all anyone does, *sniffle* there they can see the real person, they don't care about a hole! :cry:
Jacob: *sigh* Manager, just tell me where Nessie and Bella are.
Manager: *sniffle* :cry: Oh, they went to go beat up some guy called Fred Rivers. :cry:
Jacob: :shock: Must. Text. Nessie.

Dearest Nessie:

I do not appreciate you leaving me at the studio, but I love you so you're forgiven.
But turns out the resteraunt isn't empty! The Manager was on the roof... I know.
Anyways, please tell me where exactly this News station is, the manager is crying up a lake. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!

Luv, Jakey xoxo.

*At Television Station...*

Rosalie: *Bawling* AndthenIwaslikewhereismyHunnyBunny?!ThenIfigureoutheisgone!Iamsosad! NowIdon'thavearichhusband!
Fred: THIS IS KILLING ME!
Bella: GOOD!
Fred: GRRRRRRR!

*later*

Rosalie: *Bawiling...still* AndnowIcan'tbuythatpairofbunnyfurboots, whichBunny#1didnotapproveof,Ihavenoideawhy.*SNIFFLE!*
Fred: I GIVE UP! *overly sweetly* And how does that make you feel?
Rosalie: SAD!WAAAAAAAH!
Nessie:*to Bella under her breath...or so she thought* I'm amazed! Normally she would not show her face for months if anyone saw her cry, let alone her face getting blotchy, which is very unattractive.
Bella: * " * Is it even possible for vampire to produce tears? Let alone go blotchy?
Nessie: * " * Apparently not.
Rosalie: YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nessie:*BEEEEEEEEP!....BEEEEEEEEP!* OOOH! I just got a text from Jakey! It says,
Dearest Nessie:

I do not appreciate you leaving me at the studio, but I love you so you're forgiven.
But turns out the resteraunt isn't empty! The Manager was on the roof... I know.
Anyways, please tell me where exactly this News station is, the manager is crying up a lake. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!

Luv, Jakey xoxo.

Excuse me guys, I have to reply to this text be right back. *typing frantically*

Dear Jakeykins:

I'm sorry for leaving you at the studio, but you were busy and I just couldn't wait. Thanks for forgiving me.
So THAT'S where the Manager was, thank you for finding him. Otherwise we would have had to resort to extreme measures. The News Station is a few miles away, right between you and the Desert of the Toad People. Where is RMD and RMD2 anyway? Still plotting the Mushroom People's Rights Revolution with Alice?

Luv, Nessie xoxo.

.....................................................................................................................................................

Whew! Lots of words! Happing Posting!


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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby rapid_reader1 » Sat Jun 05, 2010 11:46 pm

I totally forgot about the Forbidden Game! *smacks forehead* I really want to read that! And I'll have to get Bree Tanner soon too!!!
I heart the Vampire Diaries :D


RMD2: Now what!?
SLA: I DON'T KNOW! YOU'RE THE ONE IN CHARGE! I JUST DO YOUR DIRTY WORK!
RMD2: You have an excellent point. JENKIEZ! (SP!!!) I have an idea! *whispers to SLA*
SLA: :twisted:
*SLA and RMD2 poof to New York*
Guy: ALICE!
SLA: Randy!
*Randy and SLA air kiss each other on the cheek*
Randy: It's fabulous to see you darling!
SLA: Oh Randy, I just needed more clothes!
RMD2: Alice-
SLA: SITH LORD ALICE!!!!
RMD2: I mean, Sith Lord Alice, why are we here? This wasn't my idea.
SLA: Because I had a fashion disaster!
RMD2: A...fashion...disaster...?
SLA: Yes silly!
RMD2: Then who's Randy??
SLA: Randy is my fashion designer. Where did you think I got all of my beautiful clothes? Barney's is the only place for me.
RMD2: You can't be serious.
SLA: I assure you, I am. There is nothing that a good Barney's shopping trip can't fix.
RMD2: OH MY GOODNESS! THIS HANDBAG IS OVER 1,000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!
SLA: Well of course! Live in the now!
Note: How much do you wish you were a Cullen, so you could afford a $1,000 purse? Sigh.
RMD2: Sith Lord Alice, this is NOT the plan and I am the LEADER! So you will follow my orders and DO AS I SAY!!!
SLA: *twitchy eyed* Are you interrupting my shopping time?
RMD2: Yes. Yes I am.
Randy: :shock: *hiding under a table of Prada shoes*
SLA: :evil:
*use your imagination for what happens next*
...
RMD2: OW!!! ALICE! WE WERE A GOOD TEAM! WE COULD HAVE RULED OVER EVERYONE! YOU WERE SUPPOST TO HELP ME WIN THE REVOLUTION!!
SLA: First, it's Sith Lord Alice! Is it really that hard to get it straight!? Second, no one, and I mean NO ONE, interrupts my shopping time. Third, you never ever EVER interrupt any girl when she's at Barney's. EVER. And fourth, I QUIT.
RMD2: NOOO! Please stay with me!
SLA: No! Besides, it's time I found Jasper and we regained our love again!...After I buy these $700 shoes!!! SO GORGEOUS!!
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Cullen_Lover » Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:11 pm

Hmmmmm. Last time we saw Jasper I beleive, he was still in the PM's Lair(which I beleive was in Virginia. How was the lair moved to Paris anyway? Is it is Paris, 'cuz the Circus is... unless they drove from the States to Paris, which would be VERY long and not to mention impossible.) Also, what should Lary the Human Sponge look like?
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby rapid_reader1 » Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:14 pm

Cullen_Lover wrote:Hmmmmm. Last time we saw Jasper I beleive, he was still in the PM's Lair(which I beleive was in Virginia. How was the lair moved to Paris anyway? Is it is Paris, 'cuz the Circus is... unless they drove from the States to Paris, which would be VERY long and not to mention impossible.) Also, what should Lary the Human Sponge look like?

Not impossible in the SKIT world :D And he looks like a fat guy with holes and he drinks a LOT of water :lol:
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby Twilight<3 » Sun Jun 06, 2010 7:51 pm

-Meanwhile at the circus-
Mike: -stands up- You know what? I'm going to go talk to that girl.
Voldy: No, you can't!
Mike: Watch me.
PM: THIS ISN'T FAIR!
Voldy: You are wearing a pink, sparkly suit. What girl would want you?
PM: A butch one that's looking for a girly man.
Voldy: So you're calling yourself girly?
PM: Yes. Wait, no!

-while they continue to argue, Mike walks over to the girl-
Mike: -to girl- Did it hurt?
Girl: What? Did what hurt?
Mike: When you fell from heaven.
Girl: Oh, you are so romantic! -swoons-
Mike: Is that a mirror in your pants?
Girl: Wha-
Mike: Because I think I can see myself in them.
Girl: -major swoon- That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard!!
Mike: What's your name, pretty lady?
Girl: Edward.
Mike: Wait. What?
Girl: Edward Cullen. Mik- er, I mean, who are you?
Mike: Oh my God, Edward, it's me! Mike. Uh, this is awkward
Edward: Oh wow, Mike, I didn't know it was you...
Mike: This didn't happen.
Edward: -heart breaking- No, no it didn't.
Mike: Erm.. how's.. how is the, uh, show coming along?
Edward: Peachy.
Mike: You're doing an act with peaches?! I can't wait!!!
Edward: No, that's not - oh, whatever. Yes. I'm doing an act with peaches.
Mike: -fist pump- YES!
Edward: -ponders to self- Hm, maybe an act with peaches isn't such a bad idea...
Whatever those mushroom things are that make people hallucinate: :twisted: An act with peaches? Surely we can use those... AND TAKE OVER THIS CIRCUS!

And that's the first skit I've written in a while! So, uh, yeah!
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby DoNotFeartheDark » Mon Jun 28, 2010 10:24 am

Holy baby snap, It's been so long since I've posted a SKIT; its been at least a millenia, no? My ALESW minions make me so proud :D I think its about time I've started posting; we've irresponsibly forgotten the rest of the Cullens, no?

((Emmett, Carlisle, Jasper, and Esme are sitting at a dark, ramshackle bar in Mexico city; Esme and Carlisle have their chairs faced toward Emmett's, looking at him with wide, curious eyes, obviously enthralled in his story; Jasper, on the other hand, is curled up on the floor between them, screaming between muscle spasms))

Carlisle:. . . . . So what is the difference between a back-hand slap and a normal one?

Emmett in a factorial voice that makes him seem like he knows what he is talking about: A normal slap is to inflict damage upon your opponent; but you use a back-hand to demonstrate power and it demands respect for the slapper. It also inflicts pain on the slapee, so its a win-win situation.

Carlisle: Amazing.

Emmett: I know. I am.

Jasper is screaming at the top of his lungs: You'll never take Manassas, Yanks! NEVER!

Esme in an unsure voice: But it doesn't seem like a "win-win" situation; to me, someone gets hurt either way.

Emmett: You must think from the slapper's viewpoint; there's obviously a viable reason for the slapping when you back-hand slap. You get respect, Esme. Respect. Shut it, Jasper! *back-hand slaps him* They've already taken Manassas!

Jasper is still screaming: Stonewall stands strong in Virginia!

Esme rubs her temples: I don't get the concept. . . . .

Carlisle is excited: If you think of it in a scientific manner-

Jasper: You cannot stifle our liberty! Give us our rights!!

Carlisle: -then its perfectly clear that the message goes through. To avoid further damage to either person-

Esme: Somebody still gets hurt!

Jasper: Per la gloria eterna! Ci non sarà mai arrendersi!

Emmett: Okay, I don't even know what he's saying there.

Jasper: Libertà!

Carlisle: I think he's speaking Italian. . . .

Esme is interested: I didn't know he knew Italian.

Jasper is shrieking: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER.

Emmett: Alright, he's not making sense anymore. *reaches behind him to bring out a golden-coloured frying pan, the rim worse for wear; it has obviously been used more than once* Say cheese, Jasper.

Jasper: Libertà!

Emmett smacks Jasper over the head with the pan rather harshly, the clanging sound deafening

Jasper, knocked out cold, collapses.

Carlisle:. . . . Isn't that Bob?

Emmett: No. Wait. *turns the pan around to see the name etched into the bottom* Yes.

Carlisle and Esme hisses: Emmett!

Emmett is nonchalant: Aw, relax parentals. I've hit hit at least seven times with this baby.

Carlisle: Odds are that you've made him gay!

Emmett shrugs: At least it knocks the freak out.

((There is a moment of intense silence.))

Emmett: He still thinks we're in Virginia.

Carlisle facepalms: Jasper still is delusional about the fact that he's still in the Civil War.

Esme turns toward the archaic television set and screams: Why is my Edward in the circus?

Carlisle: Esme, dear, how can you tell that's Edward?

Emmett: Yeah, all I can see is static and fuzz. For all we know, it's Lary the Human Sponge from High School.

((Esme and Carlisle turn toward Emmett))

Emmett: You remember. 'Member? You 'member! You, me, Lary. We took turns beating that guy up in an alley.

((silence))

Emmett: No?

((silence))

Emmett: Maybe it was someone else.

Esme: I know what my baby looks like! I have to save him!

Carlisle: I don't think he would need saving; he's smart and mature, right?

Emmett: That's a funny joke, Dad.

Esme: If he's in the circus, he would reveal that he's a vampire! The humans wold notice him sparkling!

Carlisle: We should probably save him then. We don't want a repeat of Italy in New Moon. *rolls eyes* You know how dramatic that boy is.

((Esme and Carlisle are gone in a flash out of the Mexican bar, to the circus))

((Silence))

Emmett to the unconcious Jasper:. . . . .So how's life?

Wow, that was long and uneventful. I was just wondering about the rest of the Cullen Clan. :lol: Not very funny in the least, but I'm a little rusty. Give it time!
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Re: Twilight Skits

Postby rapid_reader1 » Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:33 am

OMG that was the perfect way to start my morning! So funny!!! :lol:
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