Oh, Breaking Dawn. Oh, oh, oh Breaking Dawn.
Now, don't get me wrong--I don't think the other books are Pulitzer-worthy either, but I enjoyed them. It almost hurt to read Breaking Dawn, however.
Where can I start pleading my case of disdain? Mechanically or plot-wise? I'll start with the mechanics, I suppose:
Changing character point of views in the middle of a novel:
This for so long just seemed like a given of reading a novel, especially an already established one. Twilight is written in Bella's point of view. The first three novels are written in Bella's point of view. I cannot even establish how utterly unprofessional and amateurish it is to switch POVs in an already established series. It's something you don't do, and why? Because it doesn't work and it doesn't make sense. When reading BD how many of you can honestly say you read through Jacob's part and felt like it actually fit in with the novel? If you say yes, you're lying. =P (That was a joke, although I would be inclined to think you don't read much outside of remedial teen novels.)
Twilight is not a series in which the books are written in different POVs. Twilight is not a series in which every chapter is a different person's view or every other book. Twilight is supposed to be Bella's account of her meeting Edward up until she becomes a vampires and reaches some for a closure in her life. Twilight is not Jacob watching Bella prattle along her pregnancy and describing to the mechanics of him forming a new pack. Although I'm thankful for Jacob's section--it was the only enjoyable thing in the book--it doesn't work in the series.
Setting up a plot and disregarding it:
Oh no! Oh no! The Voltouri are coming! There's going to be a battle! People will die! There might be some real action here, kids! There might be some real problems! There might be an honest-to-god conflict worth noting!
... or, wait, nope. No dying today kids. That wouldn't fit in with the picture perfect ending we have to have for the series. The unrealistic, picture perfect ending where everyone is happy and even Jacob finds tru luv.
Now I'll start with the actual plot. Let's take it step-by-step:
The wedding and the honeymoon:
To begin with, I was sorely disappointed in how Bella's mother rolled over and accepted the wedding. But beyond that there is little in terms of the wedding I can really complain about. It happened, alrighty, let's move along.
The honeymoon was nothing but an unneeded focus on Bella and Edward's sex life. Yes, it was important to note how sex effected their life, but the real problem lies in how it didn't seem to effect them at all, beyond turning Bella into some kind of sex fiend. And wanting to stay human just so they could canoodle more? Really, Bella? Personally, I think SMeyer really belittled Bella and Edward's relationship with that move. Bella doesn't have enough respect for Edward's woes and worries to listen to him about staying human awhile longer, but having sex changes her mind just like that?
That being said, I wish there was more sweet honeymoon scenes that didn't revolve around sex. One that strengthened their relationship without strengthening their sex life, if you could really call what they had a sex life.
Bella's what? Pregnant? Really now? And she's going to keep the little spawn?:
You know, barring my issues with the pregnancy entirely, I really dislike how Bella disregards Edward's opinions about the baby, too. The baby was killing her, and to some extent I can understand her selflessness because that was simply part of her character, but I cannot understand how she was willing to drink blood for the little spawn. Bella, who passed out at the mere smell of blood in the first book? She was a doormat to Rosalie, and a jerk to Edward, and it just seemed like I wasn't reading of Bella, I was reading about some strange Bella-like creature who had little in terms of personality beyond "wanting to save the baby".
Surprise! Renessme, your vampiric bundle of joy:
First of all, poor kid got saddled with the second worst name ever (first worst? Espn), but beyond that she just unnecessarily perfect, and it seemed her precociousness was completely a cop-out. Bella isn't ready to take care of a child, so how can we relieve her of that responsibility? Let's make the child unnecessarily advanced! Let's make her even more special and dazzling than both her parents, and so likable that a herd of vampires who barely even knew her or Bella want to protect her.
Jacob and the spawn:
Cop. out. Nothing more to say. And Jacob was a real jerk to Bella being around Nessie. Babe, you might have imprinted on her but Bella's her mother. Get over it.
I can understand her gift to protect against mental powers. I really can. I liked that. It was pretty thoughtful of SMeyer. However, I don't like how she just skipped right over being a newborn. Yes, she had always taken thing extraordinarily well, especially strange things, but this is the same Bella that couldn't resist the urge to canoodle poor Edward every five seconds. Mentally, she was well prepared for shocking news, but she was a completely slave to her physical urges in the first half of the novel. For no reason at all should she have been able to resist her physical urge to drink blood. SMeyer basically contradicted herself with that.
Other than that, I really don't remember much about Bella's transformation. I was too busy being annoyed as I read about random vampires decided to protect the spawn for no real reason.
Was he even in this book?
I'll think I'll stop here for today. I've got things to do.
the cops & the kids & the cats & the robbers
& the stolen moments from the out of tune guitars