What does Edward have trouble most with in his life?
Hmm. I would say his ability to see himself as anything other than a monster. His self-worth. The thing is, I feel that part really manifested itself when Bella came into his life. Prior to that - not so much, if at all.
He really had a hard time believing he could be loved. HIs constant struggle to not kill Bella sometimes pushed him over the edge in his thinking and the conclusions he came to; which leads to the second problem which was over-reactions.
Case in point - New Moon and that whole mess. He could not see past the end of his nose when it came to Bella and his ridiculous belief that Bella would be better off without him and the underestimating of how catastrophic his leaving would be for both of them.
Also his belief that he would never be good enough for Bella. I feel he was trying to convince himself and came to believe that Jacob would be better for her. But as Bella stated in New Moon that she would always love Jake, but it would never, ever be enough.
In the end, Edward was the choice and the best choice for Bella. I'm glad Edward saw fit to fight for the woman he loved and would stay with her until she sent him away(as he told Jacob in the end of New Moon) - which, thank goodness, would never, ever happen.
Anyway, that's how I see it.
navarre, I couldn't agree more! When I first read the question, my immediate answer was "his lack of self-worth", and the rest of your awesome post said everything I wanted to ~ so thank you! (and I love the new avi! )
amethyst ~ thanks for posting the SM background info on Edward. I so appreciate when an author provides us with such rich information on a beloved character. It gives us so much more insight on what he does, and why.
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So as I sat in my wifi-free training room all day today, far removed from my support group here, I started pondering different things about our fair Edward. And, my mind wondered back to SM's words which Amethyst so graciously posted for us. It brought me to this question;
Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
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Jazz Girl wrote:
Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
I'm probably oversimplifying this a bit but...
I think his intelligence & enhanced musical abilities bring him some degree of satisfaction, certainly. Especially when his musicality brings pleasure to those he cares about (e.g. Bella & Esme).
More than that, however, I think Edward could find contentment when he looks back and sees how his enhanced abilities helped those around him.
Jazz Girl wrote:Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
Hm..I would probably say the fact that it has given him the oppurtunity to protect others (like akire said). Even in his rebellious years. If he could use his strength to protect a girl from a stalker, he would have saved a life. Admire is a bit of strong word, I think, because he saw himself as so much of a monster. I would maybe say parts of him that he accepted or was content with. And in that concern I would say his ability to physical protect others around him, especially Bella. And I will also say his mind-reading ability (even if it is troublesome to have it and intrusive to others). With his special ability, he was able to protect his family.
But mainly, pre-Bella and pre-vampire-Bella and Nessie, I think that he couldn't find anything admireable in himself, other than his increased memory and learning abilities. After that, he was more content with who he was.
Jazz Girl wrote:So as I sat in my wifi-free training room all day today, far removed from my support group here, I started pondering different things about our fair Edward. And, my mind wondered back to SM's words which Amethyst so graciously posted for us. It brought me to this question;
Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
Thats a good point, I think only when Edward had Bella and Renesmee in his life then he could reflect back on his previous life and see some good in being a vampire. I don't think that he thought that way at all until Bella came. He was a tormented and
self-deprecating man before and took no pleasure in what he was. This is how I see him.
Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
That's a vey interesting question. I think, as someone stated before, his intelligence and his ability on playing instruments. He is a competitive person, so I think challenging himself to learn a difficult language like Portuguese and composing a new song is something that he can apreciate. I think music is a great joy for him.
And I would add the speed as well. I think running really fast probably is a way to relax too. He's oblied to restrain himself in so many ways while he's around humans, so being at a forest, hunting, etc allows him to be a bit of himself.
Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
That's a vey interesting question. I think, as someone stated before, his intelligence and his ability on playing instruments. He is a competitive person, so I think challenging himself to learn a difficult language like Portuguese and composing a new song is something that he can apreciate. I think music is a great joy for him.
And I would add the speed as well. I think running really fast probably is a way to relax too. He's oblied to restrain himself in so many ways while he's around humans, so being at a forest, hunting, etc allows him to be a bit of himself.
Do you think that he did that because of his intelligence or because he was bored to death? That scene in Twilight that they deleted in the bedroom. Bella see's his journals and says something, and Edward says to her she can read them if she wants to go to sleep. So his past pre-vampire life is not talked about much, that we can only draw our own conclusions about what he was interested in. Being awake all the time and going to school again and again, It had to be monotonous and he didn't want to kill people. He was a great musician but even Esmee said that he would go into spruts of playing and composing and then stop, so I am leaning to more of him not appreciating any of his abilities and qualities until he meets Bella, It was her telling him that he had good in him, for him to start to believing in that part of himself, that he could look pass that monster he felt he was.
Jazz Girl wrote: Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
Before Bella, Edward was satisfied with himself because he had achieved most everything he had sat out to do, he could beat his brothers at wrestling or play, he was also contented with his diet (after the rebellious years) At that time he didn't consider himself a monster he was just what he had become but - After Bella all he could do was compare himself to humans (mainly male humans that could give Bella a human life) and that made him focus on being a monster. Sorry - off task again and not answering the question - Edward's music - composing it was something he was proud of and the fact that even though he didn't always feel worthy of Carlisle faith - he was proud of himself for living up to Carlisle image of him. Later he is satisfied with himself for his self-control with not killing Bella and then when he stops drinking her blood while saving her from James' venom. Edward knows deep down he is good even if seems to be confused.
Jazz Girl wrote: Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
Before Bella, Edward was satisfied with himself because he had achieved most everything he had sat out to do, he could beat his brothers at wrestling or play, he was also contented with his diet (after the rebellious years) At that time he didn't consider himself a monster he was just what he had become but - After Bella all he could do was compare himself to humans (mainly male humans that could give Bella a human life) and that made him focus on being a monster. Sorry - off task again and not answering the question - Edward's music - composing it was something he was proud of and the fact that even though he didn't always feel worthy of Carlisle faith - he was proud of himself for living up to Carlisle image of him. Later he is satisfied with himself for his self-control with not killing Bella and then when he stops drinking her blood while saving her from James' venom. Edward knows deep down he is good even if seems to be confused.
A&E
No I don't agree with you, Edward never was content with his life, and he always thought that he was a monster. Bella asked him questions about himself, and he told her right up front that he thought of himself as a monster, and that was something he did not want to be, and something that he was battling all his vampire existence. Edward was a very humble person and I don't see him as being proud, he was always struggling to live up to Carlisle standards, but he also had the demons that would never go away until Bella came. I don't think he ever thought of himself as a composer, or did anything to be proud of he was always seeing the negative side. I don't think that he ever believed he was good because Bella talks about that in the books, and in MS he sure had his demons in that book. Edward was a perfectionist and Edward never consider himself even close to perfect.
Jazz Girl wrote: Is it possible that there is any aspect of Edward's vampiric life/personality that he admires in himself. Not in a conceited way. But, in a way that gives him some satisfaction or contentment when he reflects on his life and who he is? What is it and why?
Before Bella, Edward was satisfied with himself because he had achieved most everything he had sat out to do, he could beat his brothers at wrestling or play, he was also contented with his diet (after the rebellious years) At that time he didn't consider himself a monster he was just what he had become but - After Bella all he could do was compare himself to humans (mainly male humans that could give Bella a human life) and that made him focus on being a monster. Sorry - off task again and not answering the question - Edward's music - composing it was something he was proud of and the fact that even though he didn't always feel worthy of Carlisle faith - he was proud of himself for living up to Carlisle image of him. Later he is satisfied with himself for his self-control with not killing Bella and then when he stops drinking her blood while saving her from James' venom. Edward knows deep down he is good even if seems to be confused.
A&E
No I don't agree with you, Edward never was content with his life, and he always thought that he was a monster. Bella asked him questions about himself, and he told her right up front that he thought of himself as a monster, and that was something he did not want to be, and something that he was battling all his vampire existence. Edward was a very humble person and I don't see him as being proud, he was always struggling to live up to Carlisle standards, but he also had the demons that would never go away until Bella came. I don't think he ever thought of himself as a composer, or did anything to be proud of he was always seeing the negative side. I don't think that he ever believed he was good because Bella talks about that in the books, and in MS he sure had his demons in that book. Edward was a perfectionist and Edward never consider himself even close to perfect.
I can't agree with everything you're saying but you make great points - I do still believe Edward was content before Bella - I say that because he didn't try to measure his existence to other humans only to his own kind it was Bella that made him see himself as a monster (in the deepest sence). But I do agree that he wasn't happy about being a vampire but Edward wasn't as humble back when he was young and turned he wanted to fight a war and was only waiting until he was old enough to do it, he wanted to prove himself and didn't get the chance; that bothers him and he has not changed from the young man wanting to do great things to he heroic. You need to remember that when Bella talks - it's her view not Edwards - he only tells her what he wants her to know and he doesn't want her to believe that being a vampire is good on any level. But we know she does already because she is afraid of losing him and very afraid of getting old. Yes, Edward is a perfectionist and if you know perfectionist they are always trying to be better even if they are perfect already. NO - I don't think Edward is perfect but I do love the fact he's trying - and I know he didn't consider himself perfect (far from it) - from trying to keep Bella human and be with her - Edward wasn't always so negative it was his love for Bella that made him come across so negative and it's also from Bella's POV.
(and I love the new avi! 
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