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Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:30 pm
by Alcyone
samajama wrote:I'm really hot. I feel like a have a fever, and I just feel really, really sick. It's probably that stupid virus. I bet I got it from the Newton kid. Any advice?
-Jacob
You need to sweat the fever away. Take a camera and start recording. Dance along. Try singing "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" with appropriate facial gestures and sound effects. The camera will suck away the fever. Then, just drop it off at the Newtons' shop with the tape. The tape is the important part.
-Not Mike
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:24 am
by somethingblue
I seem to be having a rather unsettling skin issue. My skin has become papery, much like that of an onion. Oh and I do so love to touch people. Strangers are just friends one has yet to meet. Do you have any advice for a dear friend like me? *twinkly eyes* I just want to bring peace, love and happiness to all of the people of the earth...even if I have to eat them to do that.
Aro
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:06 am
by Adam
Aro, The key to getting close enough to touch others despite your onion-like skin is quite simple. Just orient yourself with someone whose glowing aura of inner beauty and innocence will attract everyone within the city limits who sees her smile. You will then be free to touch whomever you like.
- Jane
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:31 am
by Ouisa
Aro dahling it's easy to fix. Just get a stick and beat that dust off of yourself. (or have anna do it)
With love, Carmen and Eleazar
Okay not a Twilight one but a Host one.
Something is strange about my nasty neighbor. She used to be a really pain in my backside. Now she's pleasant all the time! And there is something weird about her eyes. I think she got stunt contacts because they reflect back at me in the sunlight.
A concerned citizen.
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:31 pm
by somethingblue
Ouisa wrote:
Something is strange about my nasty neighbor. She used to be a really pain in my backside. Now she's pleasant all the time! And there is something weird about her eyes. I think she got stunt contacts because they reflect back at me in the sunlight.
A concerned citizen.
Dear concerned citizen,
We are having a meeting tonight at the town hall about this exact issue and we would love for you to come. Please join us and find true peace.
Most sincerely, Your Neighbor
PS If you could make sure to shower and also put a little iodine on the back of your neck, that would be greatly appreciated!
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:07 pm
by Alcyone
It seems my husband is always off being compassionate somewhere. How can I get him to stay home and satisfy my passionate love?
-Esme
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:14 pm
by Ouisa
EW Moooooooooooooooooooommy!
Emmett
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:31 pm
by Imagine
How do I get my husband to stop playing video games and wrestling with his brother and pay attention to me? Because I am so beautiful and I need attention!
Rosalie
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:42 pm
by Alcyone
Imagine wrote:How do I get my husband to stop playing video games and wrestling with his brother and pay attention to me? Because I am so beautiful and I need attention!
Rosalie
I already told you! Wet t-shirt!
White wet t-shirt! And take pictures! LOTS of pictures! *screaming* LOTS OF THEM!
-Tyler
Re: The Twilight Advice Column--Tongue in Cheek version
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:52 pm
by Ouisa
There is this blond girl with huge......eyes. I mean these eyes are perfect you know...round and firm no no not firm um....golden. And she wore this red dress to prom and something happened when I looked at her.....you know....ummmm.....is this normal
Tyler