Twilight Skits

[19nomad90]

Thankyou MuseAddict Right. Here I go!

Random Tortuga Prostitute: Heyy! I want a name too!
Jasper: ...We don’t even know you!
RTP: Durr! I’m Random Tortuga Prostitute! *RTP appears her costume* Aw damnit! I was going to be The Desirable Dame!
Edward: You?
RTP: *glares*
Esme: Hey, since Desirable Dame’s up for grabs..? *DD appears on her costume* YES!
RTP: *swigs from bottle angrily*
Emmett: Okay team! Let’s go save the world!
Rosalie: I thought we were saving Nessie?
Emmett: ...Who?
Bella: Your niece? The whole reason we bought these costumes??
Emmett: Nope. Not ringing any bells
Edward: How can you forget something like that??
Alice: *whistles innocently and hides stolen memory eraser gun under the couch*
Edward: Alice! You’re a good guy now! Why would you erase his memory!
Alice: I needed to test it out damnit!
Bella: Come oooon! I want to go save my daughter!
Emmett: She has a daughter?
Rosalie: That’s going to get old fast!

Announcer Voice: Meanwhile, at Harry Potter’s lair, Jacob is doing the tango with a drunken watermelon
Other Announcer Voice: What? No he’s not! He’s tied up and being forced to watch Daniel Radcliffe act!
Announcer Voice: Perhaps you didn’t hear what happened to my last partner?
Other Announcer Voice: *Gulp* Tango with a drunken watermelon it is!
*Harry Potter is playing on the tv*
Jacob: Nooo! NOOOO! Make it stop! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
Nessie: What are you talking about Jake? I think he’s great!
Harry Potter: Ooh! This is the part where I defeat the Basilisk and save the school!
Jacob: Please! I’ll do anything if you poke my eyes out with your wand!
Harry Potter: And get eye jelly all over it?? ...Okay!
Nessie: Eww gross that thing’s been up a troll’s nose!
Jake: On second thought, I change my mind!
Harry: Too late!
*BIG EXPLOSION*
Emmett: Halt evil doers!
Harry: Oh crumpets! Look at the wall! Couldn’t you people have just used the front door!
Rosalie: Like I suggested
Emmett: I told you fashionista fairy! Superheroes don’t use the front door damnit!
Rosalie: No. We just cause thousands of dollars worth of damage
Harry: Actually it’s pounds here
Bella: What kind of insane, backwards place is this??
Harry: England
Everyone: NOOOOOO
Nessie: Woah woah WOAH! What are you guys even doing here??
Edward: We’ve come to save you and Jacob from this terrible place Nessie!
Emmett: Wait a sec! Who’s Nessie?
Nessie: I’m your niece? Ran away from your insane family to be adopted by Harry Potter?
Emmett: Nope. This isn’t ringing any bells for Awesome Man
Nessie: *facepalm* Look. Whatever you guys. I like it here okay! I don’t need rescuing!
Rosalie: But Nessie! They eat crumpets and drink tea and have bad dental plans and say stupid words that make no sense!
Harry: Heyy! That’s not true! *tooth falls out* Oh I say. Bad show old bean
Bella: *covers ears* OMDE! That accent! It’s like listening to cats screaming while running their nails on a chalkboard!
Harry: Enough of the compliments! You’ll be taking Nessie away over my dead body!
Alice: That can be arranged *smiles evilly*
Emmett: Alice! You can’t smile evilly you’re a good guy!!
Alice: Fiiiine *smiles sweetly instead*
Harry: It was less scary when you were smiling evilly
Alice: I know
Harry: Okay. If you superhero vampires won’t leave, I have another trick up my sleeve! *Uses wand to summon zombie slave Carlisle*
Esme: Carlisle! What have you done to him?
Harry: I summoned him from the land of forgotten skit characters and placed a spell upon him to do my bidding! Mwa ha ha! *strokes evil goatee*
Edward: Where did that goatee come from?
Harry: This is a skit, I can do whatever I want
Edward: Oh. In that case *Edward’s nails become sparkly pink* Awesome!
Bella: *facepalm*
Harry: Now, get them zombie slave!!
Esme: Oh dear what do we do??
Jasper: In a case like this, there’s only one thing a team of superheroes can do!
Bella: ...fight?
Jasper: No! Run screaming like little girls!! *everyone does so*
Emmett: *still standing by Nessie* Seriously. Who are you??
Rosalie: EMMETT! RUN!!
Emmett: Oh right! *follows everyone else*
Jacob: *still tied up* They forgot meeee
Nessie: And you wonder why I ran away??

[purple_panda]

gaah, cant beleive im leaving for a week and wont be able to post

jake: yes! why did you leave me? i thought you loved me!
nessie: jake, what we had was nice, but i just cant resist harry
jake: why?
nessie: hes foreign, he has an accent, and he can do magic!
jake: im native american! *puts on bad French accent* i can do ze accent! and i did three card tricks for you last week! i found your card twice!
nessie: jake, its not a card trick if you tell me to put my card on top of the deck, then pull off the top card
jake: but i got it right!
nessie: its not magic!
random person: is this the bathroom?
nessie: does this look like a bathroom?
random person: kinda
nessie: what bathroom has a giant hole in the wall, moving pictures all over the place, a giant desk, and a creepy bird in it?
random person: there are very strange bathrooms where i come from
jake: save me! get me a knife or some scissors or something!
random person: oh are you one of those emo people?
jake: no, although you would think i would be by now, considering my first love married my arch enemy, had a kid who i imprinted on, an then she left me for harry potter, my other arch nemesis
random person: oh, i thought you were emo, i wanted to see you bleed
jake: so are you going to get me a knife?
random person: no
jake: okay, im emo, now will you get me one?
random person: no, i really need to find a bathroom
nessie: where did you come from?
random person: i dont know, i sort of just got here
jake: i told you i was magic!
harry: liar, i made him come here
jake: fine mr. magic pants, why did you make him come here?
harry: i wanted a bigger audience for this
jake: for what?
harry: *irritated sigh* must you know everything? im going to kill you, and i wanted a bigger audience
nessie: whoa, harry, i think thats a little extreme
jake: save me nessie!
harry: prepare to die, mutt
nessie: jake get out of there!
jake: how?
nessie: shapeshift!
jake: but...these are my favorite pants...
nessie: do i have to do everything? *runs toward jake with scissors*
harry: nessie, how dare you betray me! *raises wand*

will nessie live? will she and jake make it back to Forks? will i stop asking questions? oh, burn. wait, im not supposed to do that to myself...darnit

[brunetterebel010]

Are there any of the skit writers from the old lex and threads here, who can recall some of the old funny stuff
like the origins of bob? and knifey (or which name for knifey we are even supposed to be on right now because Jazz supposedly broke a bunch of them or whatever?)
There have been so many good ideas LOST because they get forgotten from one skit to the next..
I think maybe a list should be kept on the first page of the next thread of characters, superhero names etc...
I would make one, but I have been here for like 3 threads and only posted in this one..and I won't really have time to read the skits on the old lex until at least christmas...

[purple_panda]

^i thought bob was broken? *gasp of excitement* did he get fixed? it was duct tape wasnt it? duct tape fixes everything! *does the happy dance* is bob the frying pan alive? *crosses fingers*

[dandyvampgirl_13]

I was there for SKIT Thread #2, and I've read msot of the old skits, so I know most stuff.
I don't remember Bob being broken... He's probably just stuck in the Abyss of Forgotten Skits. *shudders* Oh, the Abyss. That place is scary.

The OLD Superheroes, in case anyone wants them
Emmett: Banana Man! (Hehe, he was awesome.)
Rosalie: Model Woman! (She was a bad guy)
Jasper: Emo Man!
Alice: Sith Lord Alice! (best super hero. Cannot be changed.)
Edward: Whale Boy! (*snorts*)
Bella: Lamb Baby! (She doesn't get to be Lamb Lady, she's too clumsy.)
Carlisle: Vampire Man! (He had a cool costume w/ a pimp cane, got himself in lots of trouble w/ the models)
Esme: Angel Woman. (Lamest name ever. Ended up turning partially evil but got kicked out of there too for being lame.)
Mike Newton: Gay Lord! ( He and Rose were a Team- Team ROKE. *snrots* Gay Lord....)
Jake: Wolf Man! (He was just big and furry. Didn't do much.)

Er, so I guess you'd need to make a super hero for Nessie... I'm all for her being Loch Ness Nessie!

Knifey generally re-appears until someone needs to make Jasper cry and then they pull out all of Knifey's cousins, Knifee, Knifeee, ect...

Now, I'm not saying your superheroes are bad and you have to change them, just remember, these are the originals and somethings are just too funny to be left in the Abyss of Forgotten Skits.

[MuseAddict]

I remember all that too. And I thought that it would be lame to use the same super hero names we used the last time (I was there too!), and came up with new ones.^^

I also remember we once had a thing about some vampire drug invented by the Volturi, the Green Liquid. Every vampire that drunk it got high and funny and crazy, but later they got a big hangover that kept them from doing anything. Oh, and if that green liquid was burned, it made everyone change bodies... that was also very funny...

And then there was the thing about the Health Lady at the High School who suspected the Cullens to be anorexic and chased them to therapy them.

And there once was some war between the Cullens and the Skit writers, that had added themselves to the story... but that was a REALLY bad idea and didn't work, and I think the admins forbade it. It killed the thread.

That's all I remember so far.

[dandyvampgirl_13]

I think Green Goo was the best SKIT. I still use it in mine... My friends fear it greatly.

Putting yourself in SKITS just got uber confusing for everyone involved. It was okay during the second thread, because they all knew each other pretty well, but by the time I started writing them it just got too hard and it died. That's why they're no longer allowed. We argued too much.

You were there? Were you registered as Muse Addict? *goes to look*

[MuseAddict]

No, I was registered as Jane's_Sister. And to be honest i don't really know whether I was only watching the thread at that time or really in it. I confound it sometimes, cause I rread nearly the entire thing. Maybe I was only watching at superheroes' time, but I was involved in the Green Liquid thing, I think.

And another old thing came to my mind: What about Roke? Rosalie and Mike's fashion label, that they wanted to save all the time? What about Mike anyway? He was also in the Superhero thing, he was Gay Lord, one of the villains. And he turned on/off-gay, thanks to Bob, and fell in love with Edward, who had also been hit with the frying pan.

[brunetterebel010]

I have def. read Whale Boy, BananaMan (didn't have have a banana car or something?) sith lord alice. I dont' remember any of hte other ones...
I keep thinking there was something about a cat...? but I think I never actually saw a skit involving it...someone was just like "do you remember that one thread...?"

[MuseAddict]

Ah, I remember!
But that's a longer story... The Cullens were in a talk show or something like that, and there was this giant banana, with that Emmett fell in love. He chades after it all the time (I think he wanted to eat it, I'm not sure) and the banana got himself a bodyguard, a cat. The cat tickled Emmett, and Emmett was afraid of it so that he started to scream everytime a cat showed up... And in the end the cat's name turned out to be Kitty, which made everyone laugh...
Oh yes... that was a good one...
And i think the Banana thing was the reason why Emmett became Banana Boy.