Twilight Lexicon Discussion Forums

Posted: **Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:25 am**

Jasper<3 wrote:Yay! those were all hilarious! Megsimadic, you are now my second new Lex best friend! I looove the last one! I haven't read those Harry Potter books since i found Twilight.

Cheers! Yay im funny for once. And of course I'll be your new Lex best friend

Rosanesmee wrote:
haha! I laughed so hard at the last one!

Hmm, can't think right now. This may end up a little odd!

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Edward: *singing* I just can't get you out of my head!
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Thanks, I just couldnt help myself with the last one.
And I loved your Edward one, thats great

Posted: **Sat Sep 06, 2008 8:50 pm**

edward x lover wrote:Edward calls to Bella: "Bella do you know where I left Kristen Stewarts number?"

haahaa! that's funny! she probobly would be like who the heck is that?!

Posted: **Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:30 pm**

Jacob - So how was it?

Edward- I can see it playing out in your mind, and you've pretty much got it covered.

Jacob - Really? So you went 100 percent?

Edward - .......

Posted: **Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:26 pm**

edsbestfriend wrote:Edward: Bella, its Jacob
Bella: What whats happened...
Edward: Calm down Bella Jake's imprinted
Bella Wow, on who
Edward: Well thats the problem Bella
Bella: Come on Edward tell me
Edward:Well Jakes imprinted...on....well...hes imprinted on me!
Bella: What?
Edward: Sorry Bella my future's with Jacob now...

*Chuckles* This is a good one!

Posted: **Mon Sep 08, 2008 1:19 am**

Jasper<3 wrote:Jasper: MUFFINS!!!!

Emmett: Emmettlicious (Emmettlicious)
Yeah you look delicious
And I may be suspicious
You thought I was fictitious
I blow kisses (mwahhahaha)
We arm wrestle on rocks, rocks
And they be lining down the block just to test what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

These are hilarious...seriously...Muffins

Posted: **Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:56 pm**

Carlisle: Jasper, would you mind to join me at hospital tomorrow? We could need another hand, since it's the annual blood donation day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emmett: I do not feel like laughing right now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bella: Damn, that backpacker smelled so tasty, and I slipped and now our family photograph will be ruined
Edward: Don't worry honey, our Canon Powershot has red eye reduction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alice: I proudly announce mufti friday at the Cullen's
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emmett: Sorry, Rose I'm not in the mood, headache. You know...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edward: You know Charlie, your daughter, she has been always very beautiful, but since I changed her... I mean since she is not human any.... I mean since she became a vam..... I mean she a lot hotter now and each night we can't stop...
Charlie: NEED TO KNOW, NEED TO KNOW (gets a heart-attack)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aro: Yes, and when you join us you get supplementary dental insurance, thirteenth salary and can use the dungeon spa area
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Esme: Hi Emmet dear, how were the bears?
Emmet: Tasted like chicken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carlisle: What's that Italian number on the phone bill?
Jasper: Heidi's delivery service...

----
EDIT:
@ CantBreathe:
No I do not work for Canon (but I won't mind

) It's just my favorite cam.

Posted: **Mon Sep 08, 2008 3:44 pm**

waiting for a meteor wrote:Bella: Damn, that backpacker smelled so tasty, and I slipped and now our family photograph will be ruined
Edward: Don't worry honey, our Canon Powershot has red eye reduction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Esme: Hi Emmet dear, how were the bears?
Emmet: Tasted like chicken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carlisle: What's that Italian number on the phone bill?
Jasper: Heidi's delivery service...

Oh wow, I've just discovered this thread, and was literally laughing out loud (and then my office-mates turned and stared

) The red eye reduction was so super, super clever, and such a sneaky way of utilizing product placement. Do you work for Canon?

Maybe that would be a good marketing strategy for them... the vampires' preferred camera.

Posted: **Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:25 pm**

waiting for a meteor wrote:Carlisle:
Bella: Damn, that backpacker smelled so tasty, and I slipped and now our family photograph will be ruined
Edward: Don't worry honey, our Canon Powershot has red eye reduction.

hahahahaaa!!! that is pure genius!!!!

Posted: **Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:52 pm**

Jacob: Alice, I can't see you when you talk. I think you need to buy some stilts.
~~~~
(Carlisle and Esme are serving cold cucumber soup at a soup kitchen)
Carlisle: Here you go, ma'am.
Lady: Oh! It's pale and cold! Like a vampire!
Carlisle: Um, well, yes. COMING ESME! *Walks away quickly*
~~~~
Edward: Billy, can I have a ride in your wheelchair?
~~~~
Renesmee: Momma, why am I named after the Loch Ness Monster?
Bella: Blame it on Jacob.
~~~~
Sam: READ THE FINE PRINT ON THE TREATY!
Carlisle: No more that ten vampires are to be gathered in Forks at once. Damn it!
~~~~
Jasper: (After a weekend alone with just the girls): You know, after spending so much time with you guys, I'm starting to question my sexuality. *Inspects new French Tips*
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Jasper: Fights scare me!
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Alice: (Standing next to Seth and Jacob): Why are people so tall nowadays?
~~~~
Alice: Doncha wish that you could be a fly on the wall! A creepy little sneaky little fly on the wall! All my precious secrets, yeah, you know them all*Aro interrupts*
Aro: Alice, I know you better than you know yourself.
~~~~
Rosalie: Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Jacob: Only half of that is true.
~~~~
Jasper; Got milk?
~~~~
(100 years after the end of BD, no more Jacob

, Renesmee falls in love with a 40 year old man)
Man: Renesmee, I'm too old for you.
~~~~
Jessica: (thinking): I have this major crush on Jasper, but why do I always feel disgusted when I'm around him?
*Edward cracks up and gives Jasper a thumbs up*
~~~~
Edward: I love playing matchmaker!
~~~~
Jasper: And how does that make you feel?
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Emmett: (While hunting): Duh nuh... Duh nuh... duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh...
That was supposed to be the Jaws song
~~~~
Jacob: Oh Rosalie! I love you!
Rosalie: I love you too!
Jasper: *snickers* I love my job
~~~~
(Charlie does shoot Edward at the beginning of BD)
Charlie: Huh? Wha? But... What? *passes out*
Bella: Looks like we're eloping.
~~~~
*Vladimir splashes Alec with water*
Alec: This is not Oz. I am not a witch.
Vladimir: Just checking.
~~~~
Demetri: But I'm no good at hide and seek!
~~~~
(When Charlie is very old)
Charlie: I see the light! My life is flashing before my eyes! ROSEBUD!!
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Bella: EDWARD! I know why you can't hear me!! You can't hear animals, right?
Edward: Right.
Bella: Then it must be because of my... CATLIKE REFLEXES!!!
*Emmett laughs hysterically*

Posted: **Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:55 pm**

Carlisle- Ugh being a doctor is so bland. I only join for the free blood.
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Jacob- It's neked time
(Morphs into a wearwolf)
(watch potter puppet pals)
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Sam- Edward your so hot.
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Edward (taking survey in school)
Favorite Animal- mountian lion
Favorite Drink- bloo- JUICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Renesme- daddy how are babies made?
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Rosalie- Emmett, what are you wearing?
Emmett- it's called a disco suit.
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